Ten Reasons Why Barack Obama Should Be Reelected
1. Your health care will be free. We have modeled our free health care after the efficient systems in Cuba and England. Health care is for the healthy and the young. Valuable resources won't be squandered in treating the elderly because they have lived their lives. They just drain our money for Social Security and Medicare anyway.
2. Your housing will be free. You can join one of the Occupy groups and live with your friends on some land that belongs to some 1% Fat Cat. Or, there are lots of vacant houses now. If you don't like the one you live in now, you can just move into one recently vacated on a foreclosure. We can depend on our President and the 1% to pay our mortgages for us.
3. Your college tuition will be free. Why should you leave your parent's cozy house and struggle to get a grant, or a student loan, or pay tuition when everything will be given to you? He has plans to forgive all student loans. He may even forgive all outstanding loans owed to everyone. It's a fact that Obama has promised students who vote for him this time that they will get a "B" for just showing up in class.
4. You won't have to think for yourself. Oh my God, its so hard to make decisions or plans for one's future anymore. We have been able to depend on President Obama for the last three years to provide for and to protect our families better than we can, and we can be assured for four more years that he will continue to provide for us, and make all the important decisions in our lives for us. If he is too busy, or on vacation, someone who works for him will do that for him. Thatís the reason that government needs more employees. Besides, it will bring the unemployment rate down. What a load off our collective minds. Just trust them. They are here to help you.
5. All your needs will be provided for. Just wait for your monthly government assistance check. As long as there is the 1% to provide for us, and our friends, the Chinese, are there for us, and the government printing presses are well oiled, we will never run out of money. We now know that itís the 1% against us 99%íers. As many heard one of us say on Barack's election day in 2008, "I never thought this day would come. I'll never have to work to pay for gasoline again. I'll never have to work to pay my mortgage anymore.
6. There will be no world conflict because we will all get along now. Everybody loves Obama, especially those in the Middle East. Obama needs four more years to finish dismantling our nasty military.
7. No one will hate America anymore. Everyone knows that the only reason that all of the world hated us before our President was elected was because of George W. Bush. Heís gone, problem solved.
8. You won't have to worry about any more gun violence or crime. Right after our President was sworn in, his Attorney General said that Obama ďhas a few things he wants to do with guns.Ē That included sending a few guns to Mexico so the government could track them. Its all the fault of gun stores that the plan didnít work.
9. And, of course, free food too. Some people get free food now, but the program will expand for everyone in his second term. Instead of shopping, you will just show up at a government warehouse free super market and take all the free food that you can eat. Please, always be thoughtful and courteous and donít take too much.
10. The 1% will pay for everything.