Ayman al-Zawahri condemned's President Bush and Republicans
Al-Qaida No. 2 Ayman al-Zawahri condemned President Bush in a video statement, calling him a failure and a liar. “Bush lied, people died,” Zawahri said.
“I have a message for the American people,” Zawahri intoned. “If you wish to avoid a catastrophe you must vote this criminal gang out of office in your upcoming elections. The notion that you can win against our holy jihad is a mirage. You must cut your losses. Only by yielding to Allah’s will can you escape his fiery vengeance. Bring the Democrats to power. They will save your necks and negotiate a peaceful transition to Islam for your country.”
Howard Dean, Chairman of the Democratic National Committee, congratulated Zawahri on his “enlightened perspective on American politics.” “This is what we’ve been saying all along,” said Dean. “Bush and his Republican lackeys are leading us to catastrophe. If voters give Democrats control of Congress we can end this nightmare by impeaching Bush and pulling out of Iraq.”
Dean said the transition to Islam would be up to each individual. “Each person would choose for himself,” Dean said. “We will ensure a peaceful transition. People could convert or pay the jizya. There’d be an end to the senseless violence over theological mumbo-jumbo.”
Howard Dean says "In today's evolutionary
struggle we liberals are the fittest species. Conservatives are so easy - accuse
them of committing a sin and they resign and disappear from public sight
forever. We in the progressive community are much smarter - we don't believe in
sin. It makes us invulnerable to criticism. That's why we're taking over this
country. However crazy, irresponsible, and outright criminal our behavior is,
you can't call us sinful because that would be forcing your values on us. You
can't call us hypocrites because we never said we were perfect. You can't say
we've lost shame because we can't lose what we don't have. Human imperfection is
our standard, our goal, or breeding ground, our primordial soup if you will. We
stand for nothing and have no values except those that may hypothetically exist
in a distant socialist utopia that may or may not happen."
article is satire, it has more than an element of truth to it.