Redneck
Church
- You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the
finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier
because none of the members knows how to play one.
- You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were
bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
- You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... when
the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five
guys and two women stand up.
- You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.
- You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... a
member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because
"It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of" (Love it!)
- You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the
choir is known as the "OK Chorale".
- You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... in a
congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church
directory.
- You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
- You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the
baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub.
- You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the
choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's
Barbecue.
- You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the
collection plates are really hubcaps from a'56 Chevy
- You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.
- You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the
minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.
- You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the
communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".
- You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ...
"Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.
- You know You're in a Redneck Church if
... the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya
hear."
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