Ah, yes, the Official Anti-Anti-Hanson Webpage. It is truly a work of unparalleled brilliance. I cannot adequately describe the awe that its wit, wisdom, dare I say - genius? - causes me without quoting the entire thing. So how 'bout I just do that?

>NOTE: If this page suddenly disappears (repression from the Hanson
>Haters),
We're a very dangerous, hateful, bunch. Just last week, the famed Chuckie was flawlessly scapegoated for the Martha's Vineyard virus, kicked off his ISP, and jailed for twenty years without parole. Don't mess with us. We are all. We are Evil. Resistance is futile. Everything you have ever suspected is true. Guard, bring him closer. I wish to speak with him - before his demise.
>please go to the mirror site at:
>http://www.fortunecity.com/tinpan/chemical/15/index.html
It is quite similar to the main page, only much better hidden.
>NEW CHAT ROOM!
As mirrors are supposed to be updated simultaneously, I call Nick to take responsibility for all that is on both pages combined. This announcement (The chat doesn't seem to work; I just left the address in for technical accuracy.) is the only thing not on the mirror, which seems to have been updated more recently. Thus, I will work from the mirror from here on.
>This page is to support Hanson,
I'm sure they appreciate it. (Before someone finally got him to proofread, he had misspelled "Hanson" in that sentence.)
>and dis' out the idiots that put them down in the
>Anti Hanson Webpages.
That link (which no longer works) was clearly intended to lead to the Yahoo anti-Hanson sites directory - an admission that this page contains no working links.
>Those guys are just a bunch of idiots that don't want anyone to
>get ahead in life. A young band comes along, and they feel
>threated because they think that they are getting old, and the
>new generation of YOUNG people is starting to surge.
This applies to no one who ever lived. People who make anti-Hanson sites average about age sixteen (I started TTGBITN when I was twelve), and generally do not have high-paying, high-prestige jobs as rock stars that would cause them to be threatened.
>Well I have just one thing to say to you idiots:
>"GET A LIFE!".
Nick - these people - they don't exist! There's just us jealous freaks who have never listened to the music anyway and are just jealous and hate everything and are likely to shoot up our schools and have low maturity levels and such!
I'm unclear as to why this page is here, if this is his entire argument, by the way. I've never heard that one before. Does anyone think this is the case?
>You think you can screw with a cool band, and get away without
>being screwed yourself?
No - it was pretty clear that I'd get flamed to a crisp by people who failed English. Fortunately, it seems I don't care.
>Well you can't, and that's what this page is here for!
I don't think that this page instigated an army of Hansonites signing my guestbook - did it? It's hard to tell. I think they always acted that way... *nostalgia*
>For the cool people out there, why don't you visit these idiots' sites,
>and send them email, cussing at them and telling them that they
>are really stupid!
Cool people use the phrase "really stupid" and curse frequently. That's why I stay home with my computer.
>I hate the Hanson gimps page
The link's dead, so don't bother clicking on it.
>Middle of nowhere
I think he made a mistake and linked to a Hanson fan page, though the link is dead. I get guestbook messages from people thinking TTGBITN is a pro-Hanson page - it wouldn't particularly surprise me if those irrationally vindictive individuals who are short on time confuse Hanson fan pages with anti-Hanson sites.
>Hanson haters page
The link's dead.
>We hate hanson girls
The link's dead. That's all he had.
>Now go to these pages, and tell these dorks off! They suck, as
>well as their stupid web design....
As you can see, The Official Anti-Anti-Hanson Webpage possesses page truly peerless design, spelling, grammar, artwork, content, and logic. Oh, no, wait, I'm confusing it with "Mr. T vs. Saddam Hussein".
>hahahahahahaha!
I know that your pointed wit has me rolling on the floor and gasping for breath.
>19!!!!!
>Yes...i'm 19 years old! No one got my age. What do you think of
>that?
...not a lot, really. Maybe "How old is this page? Wonder how college-level English, Logic, and Debate are going?"
>[image saying "Pictures!"] For main page For mirror
>[image saying "FAQs!"] For main page For mirror
>[image saying "Best Emails!"] For main page For mirror
These will be examined below.
>Please click this ad everyday!
>Just click it, wait for the page to load, and click on BACK on your
>browser!
>This will help support against the ANTI-HANSON!!!!!
Yes, freeservers owned by faceless, multinational conglomerates put the money directly back into supporting the bewildering anti- pages that they so proudly host.
>Link to me! Use this Image to link to this page!
>
Actually, I could have sworn links were supposed to tell what you were going to, but oh, well. It is a lovely button.

Now, for the "FAQs!" (I leave out "Pictures!" because it is a single picture of Hanson sitting down.)

>1. Are you Hanson?
Is this question really frequently asked? In my humble opinion, Nick has just insulted Hanson more brutally than I ever have, in implying that they would be so petty as to set up pages advising their fans to flame and curse at people who make fun of them. True artists can take criticism, Nick.
>No. I'm not in the group Hanson. I just like the band, and think that
>they are really cool.
And he's 19! What do you think of that?
>2. Why did you make this page?
>I made this page because I was sick and tired of seeing people
>make pages that are against a band that I like.
...think carefully.
>I know that they have a right to their opinion, but so do I!
Your ISP forbids excessive flaming and mailbombing, Nick. I know this because everyone's does.
>If they have the right to 'dis the band, then I have a right
>to 'dis them.
Yeah. But not flood their guestbooks or emails with angry messages. Or incite riot. This is what you would be doing were you roaming the streets and handing out pamphlets encouraging strangers to curse at anti-Hansonites (an analogy for your rousing cry to Hansonites to flame anti-Hanson guestbooks). I don't think that it's illegal on the internet... yet.
To be perfectly clear, you have the right to insult us and curse at us (providing your freeserver allows the cursing) all you want on your website, but not to intrude onto ours or our email.
>3. Are you a boy or a girl, and what's your name?
>I am a boy, and my name is Nick. For everyone that writes to me,
>write to "Nick", not "person", or "mister/misses", or "dude/dudette".
>I don't mind, but now you know my name!
*there is much rejoicing* Idle curiosity: I wonder if Nick supports the weirdo who cursed at me for mentioning my screen name?
>4. Where did you get that picture of them on the dresser"
Everywhere. Possibly even posted in an anti-Hanson guestbook. And it's just as easy to find an altered version in which their eyes are bleeding.
>I don't remember where I got that picture from....doh! Well, if you
>want it, just right click on it, and choose "Save As..." and you've got
>it :).
>5. Why do you like Hanson so much?
I certainly can't explain it.
>Well, they sing about happy things. I don't like dark music like
>Marilyn Manson, and such. Why be sad, and down?
Because there is pain and misfortune all around us, and to ignore it is to disable ourselves to do anything about it. Yes, I know that has nothing to do with Hanson. I'm not talking about them.
>We should all be happy to be alive, and Hanson sings
>about happy things!
Actually, this argument is as ridiculous as his assertion that all anti-Hanson pages are run by the Rolling Stones. What's more worrying is that a large number of Hansonites seem to believe it. Even I, an accursed infidel, can guess what "Yearbook" means - and I'm constantly accused of never listening to the music.
And of course, "don't think about bad things" isn't the best philosophy, I don't care what Sun Myung Moon told you.
>6. Can I link to you?
"No! I wish this page to be seen only by true seekers - people informed of the address by their spirit guides while meditating to "Middle of Nowhere"!"
>Of course you could! I only ask that you use the image on my main
>page to link to. Please link to my main page since that's the page
>that everyone should see first...hehe :).
>7. Can I make a page similar to yours?
Nope. He copyrighted the very idea of an Anti-Anti-Hanson Page - it's so original that he would naturally want to keep anyone else from ripping him off.
>Sure you can! I'm in the process of getting the ANTI Anti-Hanson
>Webring going, and you'll all be able to join once i've got it going. I
>just ask that you link to me with my image on the main page :).
This last sentence seems not to have anything to do with the rest of the paragraph. Who cares? Well, me, to some extent, since I'm commenting, but... never mind.

"Best Emails!"

>These are some emails I got from visitors of my page. Email
>addresses, and names have been taken out for privacy
>issues :).
They're all running for public office. (We think Dubya wrote the third one. It's in his style.)
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>I just wanna say thanks for making this page because I love
>Hanson's music.
"And I know they'd want us to defend their work in a way that involves cursing more in a single guestbook message than they have in their combined lives!"
>And, you would think that people could find something
>better to do with their time than put other people
>down-especially a bunch of kids!
Have you ever read an issue of, say, Tiger Beat, that doesn't include at least five slams at teenagers who don't wear clothing that the editors approve of? Just curious. Haven't heard of anyone making a living off their anti-Hanson site.
>They're just jealous cause the girls aren't after them.
Is this what we're all jealous of? (reminder: I'm a girl. I'm heterosexual.) It's never really explained, is it? You just say "You're just jealous!" What of?
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>YOU ROCK! SOMEONE HAD TO STAND UP TO THESE
>IDIOTS!
"They're threatening our liberty, our very being! Someone had to stand up to them!"
>I SIGNED THE ANTI HANSON GUEST BOOK
...which one? Huh? What?
>AND TOLD THEM OFF FOR PREACHING LIES ABOUT
>MY FAV' GROUP HANSON!
...well, there are a lot of schizophrenics on the internet...
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>yes! you and Hanson RULE, the morons suck!
Cheney: Yeah, yeah, you got that right.
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>I totally agree with you! those idiots that hate Hanson are in
>their own little world!
It's called "the year 2001", by us people reading your ancient documents.
>You rock for doing this page!
>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>This is one very cool page.
Did you know that these five emails Nick has received make up approximately 35% of its content? Directions to the correct way to link to the page is around 12%. Nick saying who he is and where he got the picture of Hanson sitting on a dresser is 20%. That leaves 33% unaccounted for, and some of that's dead links and repetition.
>I'm soooooo glad that someone decided to finally tell those
>brats on the Anti-Hanson page where to stick it.
"It's literally never happened before. Not a single angry guestbook post, no flames whatsoever, no insistences in vapid teenage girl magazines that they're jealous! Way to go, man! You're a pioneer!"
He doesn't have many emails, does he? I've received several thousand messages cursing at me for the reasons listed above over the past few years. Why are these people going to TTGBITN, and not this site?

Yes, why?