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The big five

• Beer, a brain food. - new
• That long asked question
• Pulled over by a traffic cop.
• A...walks into a bar.
• Engels

Beer,a brain food.

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole improves by the regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way, the
human brain can operate only as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

The result of this in-depth epidemiological study verifies and validates the casual link between all-weekend parties and working performance. It also explains why, after a few short years of leavinguniversity and getting married, most workers cannot keep up with the performance of new graduates. Only those few that stick to the strict regimen of voracious alcoholic consumption can maintain the intellectual levels they achieved during their university years.

This is a call to arms. Our country risks losing its technological edge and we should not shudder in our homes and cubicles.

Get back into the bars !
Quaff that pint !
Suck down that longneck !
Drain that glass !
Your company and country need you to be at your peak, and you
shouldn't deny yourself the career that you could have !
Do it for your country and do it for yourself !
Be all that you can be !

That long asked question!!

A Chicken and an Egg ..... are lying next to each other in bed.
The chicken is smoking a cigarette, and, with a disgusted look,
the Egg says,
"Well ..... I guess that answers THAT long asked question!!"

Pulled over by a traffic cop.

Van der Merwe gets pulled over by a traffic cop for stopping after the white line of the stop street.
'Do you realise, sir that you have contravined the law of our country ?'
'Sorry sir', replies van.
'You will have to get out of the car.'
He drew a circle on the tar,
'Van, you will have to stand inside that circle until I tell you that you can come out.'
Van goes to the circle, and stands in it.
The cop then goes up to the car and kicks in the bumper.
As he turns around, he sees that van is smiling.
Incenced by this response, he kicks in the door.
Van was now snickering to himself.
The cop was now furious and smashed in the windscreen.
Van was howling with laughter.
'How can you laugh when I have just ruined your vehicle ?'
Van tried to calm down, tears streaming down his face.
'I'm sorry, officer, its just that every time you turned around, I stepped out of the circle'

A ... walks into a bar...

A termite walks into a bar and says "Hey, is the bar tender?"

A white horse walks into a bar and asks for a whisky, the barman is surprised
but gives him a drink, the barman returns to the other end of the bar and
polishes some glasses. After awhile he goes up to the horse and says
"Do you know they named a whisky after you?"
The horse replies "Really there is a whisky called Eric?"

A man walks into a bar with an alligator under his arm. He sits down on a stool and puts the alligator on the bar.
After calling the bartender over he asks, " Do you serve niggers here?". The bartender replies," Yes we do.
This is an equal opportunity bar and Iwish you wouldn't use that term" To which the patron replies,
"Good. I'll have a beer and my alligator here will have a nigger

Engels

Krisjan hou by 'n vulstasie stil met sy rammelkas-bakkie, sy veldskoene, vlenterhoed en baard. Hy gee sy sleutel met die Vierkleursleutelhouer aan die pompjoggie en sê: "Goeie middag. Maak vol asseblief."

Die pompjoggie beloer hom deur sy donkerbril : "How much ?"

"Vol asseblief."

"Sorry, I only speak English."

Vir 'n oomblik is Krisjan uit die veld geslaan, maar dan glimlag hy breed. "English ! No problem! Good day to you, Sir. I am presently experiencing a profound desire to replenish the propellant of my chariot. Therefore, I cordially request you to transfer from your subterranean reservoir a sufficient supply of combustible liquid of the highest octane to fill the appropriate container to the said means of perambulation to the brim."

"HAU ?"

"Do you have a problem, Sir ? I though you said you spoke English ?"

"English ? That is not English !"

"Dear Sir ! Are you veritable attempting to allude that you do not even recognize the language you allege to be your singular means of communication ?"

"What ?"

"Let me try to elucidate it in the most elementary terms : Your paltry grasp of English vernacular is frittering away the limited time at my disposal. Or as we would have phrased it in a civilized and Intelligible language : Dit is so duidelik soos daglig dat jy FOKKOL van Ingels af weet en jy mors my tyd. Verstaan jy nou beter ?"

"Ja-a-a, ek dink ok Afrikaans is maar beter."