You do not have to be a dyke (or to be politically correct, a lesbian) to join the Man Hating Dyke Club/Militia. You don't even have to be a woman. You do however, have to hate men and all the shit they do.
Men have plagued society since the beginning of time and must be stopped. They have taught women to feel insecure and weak so that we would never unite and over throw their systems of stupidity. But now we can finally, and successfully, rid ourselves of these infestations upon our society once and for all.
How you may ask? Well, it's simple, all we need to do is star the Man Hating Dyke Club/Militia. As complicated, as this may seem, it's rather quite simple. It's all a matter of having the right material.
The key to any strong and successful militia is guns. So the first thing we all need to do is get guns, but you didn't hear that from me. No militia has ever been successful without the proper artillery. Hand knives, grenades, socks filled with quarters, blunt objects, it doesn't really matter, anything that can cause a significant amount of pain can qualify as a weapon. Right now we are trying to negotiate with the NRA to donate a truckload of used guns to are peaceful and non-violent organization. They have not agreed yet, but hopefully they will return our call soon.
Since the MHDC/M has such amazingly low standards, we will accept virtually anyone to join our elite club. This will be are key to strength and power, it will also however be the key to our untimely downfall.
Right about now, you are probably thinking to yourself, hhhhhhmmmmm… it sounds tempting, but how do I know that all this fire power isn't just for show. Well, be rest assured that once the MHDC/M infiltrates your town, the beating and hate crimes in the police log will go way up.
Once you have obtained some kind of weapon and fulfilled the first requirement (which is to obtain some kind of weapon), you must then ask yourself a deep and personal question, is the Man Hating Dyke Club/Militia right for me? For some, this is a tough decision, so to help these people, I have made up a questionnaire (seen below). If you answer yes to any or all of these questions, then you are eligible for the MHDC/M.
*Are you now, or have you ever been screwed over by a guy? (Not sexually, but I guess it could count)
*Repeatedly?
*Have you ever imagined taking a jackhammer and crushing some guys nut sack just to see the squeamish look on his face?
*Would you ever take a jackhammer and crush some guys nut sack just to see the squeamish look on his face?
*Have you ever been called a bitch, slut, cunt, whore, clit, dyke, etc. and enjoyed it?
*Do you ever 'cas unnecessary physical pain to a male while aving sex? (Example: scratching nails down back and drawing blood, "accidentally" biting a little to hard, bringing out the whips and chains for other reasons besides s&m sex)
*Would you be willing to shave you head and swim naked in a tub of green jello with three other girls while being filmed for the promotion of tobacco and tobacco related products?
*Would you be willing to shave your head and swim naked in a tub of green jello with three other girls while being filmed for the simple pleasure of shaving your head and swimming naked in a tub of green jello with three other girls?
If you have answered yes to one of all of these questions, you might just be eligible to join.
Amazingly enough, lot's of guys want to join this man-hating establishment of good taste, even though this whole document and militia is out to kill and destroy all men. To clear all this confusion up, I will say right now that only a very select few will be allowed to join. However, they will be of the lowest rank and any female MHDC/M member is allowed to hurt, scar, or beat them in any way they see fit for any reason and/or purpose that suits them. The male will have to willingly take the beatings with a positive attitude and a smile. If they don't, they will be punished with a public flogging with a cat of nine-tails, and then crucified in the school quad as an example to other MHDC/M members who would be tempted to disobey our rule.
All other men will have to pay five dollars or more or they will be killed with the rest of their swine like brethren. (Personal note, all money shall be given directly to me, Gutter, since I am the founder of this club). Those who do pay the five dollars will be given a special card, which will spare them and their miserable lives when that fateful day comes when we wipe out all men and their evil, vile ways.
As for the female members of the MHDC/M, they are permitted to beat men without punishment or conviction since they are women, and they are better people. All members must be approved by me, Gutter, (if you don't know me, don't worry about it, the person informing you of this club does). I have the final say so in who can join the MHDC/M, but don't worry, since I have such amazingly low standards.
If you are a female, and you are rejected, then you should feel the utmost sense of shame, and should mourn the pathetic creature you have become. If you feel you might qualify as one of these women, just look around your room. Do you own more than three pairs of shoes? Do you subscribe to 'Teen, Seventeen, All About You, etc.? Do you go completely insane when someone mentions the Titanic, Hanson, Leonardo Dicaprio, Gavin Rossdale, etc.? (The only exception to this is Brad Renfro, since he's actually a really nice guy and might be applicable for a future male MHDC/M membership).
All those who join will receive an honorary membership card, a newsletter that will be sent via e-mail and will come out whenever I damn well feel like putting it out, and anything else we can slap our logo on and merchandise.
If you would like to join, just sign you name and e-mail address on this sheet of paper, and you can be eligible to join our warm little family here at the MHDC/M.