Bitch's Vs Pimp Poem

 "Bitch Poem"
     
     Ahhh Women...
     Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess
     I have two mounds upon my bodice
     I shave my legs, I sit down to pee
     I can justify any shopping spree
     Not to a barber, but a beauty salon
     Can get a massage without a hard on
     Can balance the checkbook, pump my own gas
     Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass
     I always save money by using coupons
     Can admit to others when I am wrong
     Don't drive in circles at any cost
     So I don't have to admit when I am lost
     Don't act like I'm in a timed marathon
     Every time I go to the john
     Let me tell you men
     Listen to me boys
     Those things in your pants
     That you treat as toys
     You love them more then we ever will
     We would rather suck on a cold pickled dill
     I spend two hours preparing for a date
     Only to find you're two hours late
     I don't watch movies with lots of gore
     Don't need instant replay to remember the score
     I won't lose my hair
     I don't get jock itch
     And just cause I'm assertive
     Don't call me a bitch
     
     I don't wear the same underwear everyday
     The food in my fridge has no sign of decay
     I don't go to Sears
     To look at the tools
     I don't cheat at poker
     I follow the rules
     
     I don't smoke cigars
     Don't pay for drinks at bars
     I don't punch my friends just to say "Hi"
     And it's o.k. for me to cry
     I know all you men
     Think that you're "IT"
     But compared to a woman
     You just ain't SHIT!
 
"The Pimp Poem" was written in response for the "Bitch
 Poem"
 
     Ahhh Men...
     Everyday I give thanks to my God
     that I've got a Dick and a tight ass bod.
     I like to play sports, I love to get naked,
     Is it our fault that you girls can't take it?
     I own lots of tools and don't mind putting on weight,
     when I get ready for a party, my ass is never late.
     I can actually drive a car and even change a tire,
     my ability to produce children will never expire.
     When a male is born, it is clearly heaven-sent,
     that's probably why a woman has never been president.
     I can pee without squatting, I've slept in a tent,
     women's fatal flaw is that they are subservient.
     First and foremost, my looks don't govern my life,
     When I gain a few pounds, I don't go under the knife.
     I don't read the nutrition labels, I like to eat meat,
     if any women objects, she can just take a seat.
     I don't own a hairdryer,I brush my hair with my hands,
     I am considered the better gender in the majority of lands.
     I masturbate openly, I secretly desire a mirror on my ceiling,
     I don't go cry when someone hurts my feelings.
     Listen to me girls, I need to tell you something right quick,
     it pertains to lovemaking and my almighty Dick
     That thing in your pants that you guard like treasure,
     Men don't respect you for it, we just see it as pleasure.
     I like it squeezed, jacked, licked and sucked,
     I am capable of having sex and saying "we fucked."
     I like to have sex and finish with a roar,
     I hope to remain a promiscuous bachelor.
     Bitches think that they're "all that,"
     But we don't care about every ounce of fat.
     Just cuz your thighs cause mass amounts of friction,
     Doesn't mean you belong outside of the kitchen!!
     Any girl that objects, just respond please,
     But on one condition, first get off your knees...
     I have a little advice to my fellow men, and I'm afraid I can't lie,
     NEVER trust anything that can bleed for four days and then not DIE!
     Right at home is where women should stay,
     Cuz men are the ones that make the pay.
     At least our Dick doesn't sag when we get older,
     I've seen better looking bitches by the name of Rover.
     At least my body doesn't bleed that certain week,
     Bitch you're just jealous, don't sweat the technique.
     You constantly get played like childrens games,
     Guys just fuck you and forget your names!!!!!!!
     Bitches all be hanging from my large nutsack,
     Now what the fuck are you going to say after this counter attack...