Squeal like a piggy when you eat that bacon

So maybe you could stand to lose a few dozen pounds. I'm not fat, I'm big boned! It makes me look kind of like Buddha, and look how many exotic chicks he has worshipping him!

Besides, there is just nothing better than the taste of a Crisco, bacon, and butter sandwich with a pint of creamy Haagen Daaz on the side. Diet? What's that?

While your friends probably think it's really cool that you can eat the whole pizza without slicing it, keep in mind the health risks of eating more than you should. Eating greasy foods like take out and pizza is hard on your body. A slice every day could put you away.

What's a diet? Time to find out
Liposuction by vaccum cleaner: suck it out!
Feeding time! Free jelly beans
Death by chocolate