NOSE DIVE - 'Wanna good laugh'?! What the hell's THAT supposed to mean?! What do you think this is, a joke?! ...Don't answer that. Greetings, you blood thirsty fans, you, and welcome to my love line, where we use the same recycled jokes over and over.
GRIN - Nose Dive, this is for your own good.
NOSE DIVE - What? Grin, get outta here! What are you doing with that rope? AHHHHH!
GRIN - Don't worry, Nose Dive, I'll untie you at the end of the show...really.
AMBER - Grin? Why are you crossing your fingers behind your back like that?
GRIN - Thank you Miss Subtlety.
NOSE DIVE - Mmmmph!!
AMBER - Please, Nose Dive, don't use that kind of language on television! Just because you've been gagged and bound is no reason to be upset.
GRIN - Yeah. You should thank me...you were doing a really bad job.
NOSE DIVE - Mpghmph!
GRIN - Well, thank you for those words of wisdom, and welcome all to : GRIN'S Love Line! Or as we like to call it, Scream 8: Just When You Thought We Were Going to Shut Up.
AMBER - Oooh, fetching title.
GRIN - Thank you, Amber. For those of you who don't know, Amber is my unwilling co host.
AMBER - What can I say? I was never very good at poker anyway...damned four aces...I still say you cheated!
GRIN - Peace, Amber, we wouldn't want people thinking you were a sore LOSER would we?
AMBER - Yeah, laugh it up you Karma lovin' son of a-
GRIN - FIRST CALLER!
CALLER #1- Hey guys, I just wanted to tell you that I think the way you do this love line is pretty stupid and you should fix it.
AMBER - Gee, thanks a bunch.
GRIN - Now, now Amber, don't be ungrateful, he may have a point.
AMBER - Are you serious, Grin?
GRIN - Of course. Perhaps we should do it Oprah Winfrey style, you know, 'Today on Grin's Love Line: stupid bastards who like to call up profesional radio stations and tell them how to do their jobs when he should be more concerned with remembering how to breathe!!' How's THAT for boring, you dumb asshole!?
AMBER - Well said, Grin.
GRIN - Thank you Amber. Now, moving on, do we have another caller?
CALLER #2 - Why hello, Grin. It's very nice to finally speak with you
GRIN - I'm sorry, do I know you? You sound familiar...
CALLER #2 - Why yes, I'm Bernie; Bernie the Bear.
GRIN - Bernie the Bear!! Why I've been watching your show ever since we came to Earth, and so has Nose Dive, right Dive?
NOSE DIVE - Mhphgmph!
CALLER #2 - I'm flattered. I've always been a big fan of your television show, and your hockey.
GRIN - Why thank you. But Bernie, there's something I've been dying to know...are you really a bear?
CALLER #2 - Well, actually Grin, I AM a bear, but only in the same sense that you are a duck.
GRIN - Well, I understand what you're trying to say, but why don't you explain it for Nose Dive and the rest of the people out there that have the same IQ as him.
NOSE DIVE - Mphugumph!
AMBER - Oh, shut up you big baby!
CALLER #2 - Well, I'm originally from another galaxy, but here on Earth I'm considered the equivalent of a bear due to my appearance.
NOSE DIVE - Mphahahaagmph!
GRIN - Shut up, Nose Dive! Bernie, have you ever seen a bear drive a car?
CALLER #2 - Have you ever seen a duck play hockey?
GRIN - Good point. I was very upset to hear that your show was losing money...does this distress you?
CALLER #2 - Not really, no.
GRIN - That's strange, why not?
CALLER #2 - My other job gives me a steady income.
GRIN - You've got another job? What do you do?
CALLER #2 -I am the President of the United States.
AMBER - This is one bear that's two bees short of a honeycomb.
NOSE DIVE - Mphugmphpu!
GRIN, AMBER, and BERNIE - SHUT UP!!!
GRIN - With all due respect, Bernie, I thought Bill Clinton was the President of the United States.
CALLER #2 - Yeah, we let him think that.
GRIN - Who's 'we'??
CALLER #2 - Why only the most powerful company in the world! The ones who have The United States under their thumb! The ones who run circles around the FBI! The ones who-
AMBER - Alright Bernie! We get it!
GRIN - You don't mean...
CALLER #2 - I do.
GRIN - It can't be....
CALLER #2 - It is.
AMBER - WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!
NOSE DIVE - Dmhugmph!
CALLER #2 - Yes, that's right Nose Dive...The Walt Disney Company.
CALLER #2 - Well, right now our long term goal is to instigate a World War 3 so we can nuke the planet so that all that's left of the land forms Mickey Mouse's head.
AMBER - Why the hell would you want to do that?
CALLER #2 - Easy. Advertising.
GRIN - It's brilliant...But why tell us?
CALLER #2 - I just wanted to ask you if you'd like to buy stock in Disney, but don't answer me now, I'll call back later and give you some time to think about it. Goodbye, Mighty Ducks!
GRIN - Goodbye, Mr. President!
AMBER - I don't believe this...
GRIN - Uh oh, no time to argue... Nose Dive's gone...let's get outta here!
AMBER - I thought I told you to watch him! Oh well, goodbye everybody and remember...THEY'RE watching you...
NOSE DIVE - mhugmphphugmpughmuphgmughhpuh....Love gags!
