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Jokes

What's the difference between a mugger and a peeping Tom? A mugger snatches watches.

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only two, but the hard part is getting them in!

Three cowboys are sitting round a fire. The first starts to tell yarns about how he's the toughest cowboy ever. The second disagrees, and starts to tell stories about how he's the toughest cowboy ever. The third just sits silently by the fire, patiently stirring the coals with his penis.

What has a bunch of balls and screws old ladies? A bingo machine

What's the difference between an Australian and a yoghurt? A yoghurt has a living culture.

A woman tells her friend she's received a bunch of flowers from her husband. "I suppose I'll have to spend the entire weekend on my back with my legs in the air," she says, to which her friend replies, "Why, don't you have a vase?"

What's the definition of Australian aristocracy? A man who can trace his lineage back to his father.

What's the difference between love, true love and showing off? Spit, swallow and gargle

What's the difference between "Ooooh!" and "Aaahhhh!"? About four inches

How do we know God is a man? Because if God were a woman, sperm would taste like chocolate

How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Did you hear about the new blonde paint? It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads real easy.

What is the definition of "making love"? Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.

If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love? The swallow.