Humorous Quotes

"I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming... They don't know I'm only using blanks." - Emo Phillips
"You know when you're young, you think your dad's Superman. Then you grow up and you realize he's just a regular guy who wears a cape." - Dave Attell
"And always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said, "A truck!" -Emo Phillips
"These days it's hard to look at a poodle without thinking what a good meal he would make." -Steve Martin
"The wise man can pick up a grain of sand and envision a whole universe. But the stupid man will just lie down on some seaweed and roll around until he's completely draped in it. Then he'll stand up and go, 'Hey, I'm Vine Man.'" - Jack Handey
"On the outskirts of every agony sits some observant fellow who points." - Virginia Woolf
"Who picks your clothes...Stevie Wonder? -Don Rickles (to David Letterman on 02/5/96 "Late Show")
"It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper." - Rod Serling