wtf !
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: easyE

when it all comes 2gether i will be happy and yu will be gone!

not what i expected
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: not a dam thing
Topic: dazed & confused
why cant i see whats in front of me evrything is such a mystery.now what am i to do cant believe its come to this me not in a sexual bliss....wow how did that happen? i dont feel like its going to be different somewhere down the line ....i believe things will stay the same as far as how you see things and how i see things. we are so not with each other on almost every level that its strange to me how we manage to stay together well how i seem to stick around after living with you as long as i have and getting to know you.i guess i just got attached and well i am tooken care of well here with you and maybe you do love me i know you do love me but you are not in love with me and who i am or maybe i am wrong and what you tell is really how it is .....like you explain to me time after time you simply are not a effectionate person you tend to see thing just as they are and no deeper than your eyes can see you view things quite different than i, and if you ask me you are a bit too blunt and i nsensative tooo everything.this is not what i am use to or more like the type of relationship that i want and need you are not able to provide and it is becoming a big dissappointment to me i have completely died inside and a new me was born a transformed me a me that was created from us and how you are twards me and how we get along and i dont like the new me i am soooo hungry for the attention i always thought i would get from any guy i was with but i ran into somrthing unexpectidly a guy who dont like to have sex all night a guy who doesnt trip on being around me and wanting to explore my body mind and soul very practical too practical.it really sucks cause he good to me and i know he wont mess around on me he has good standards and is from a very nice family that i reallly like and have got use to the family thing around here is something i really needed and wanted for the longest it is what keeps me sane i believe just to be part of a normal good loving family well im getting sick of typing all this just let me put it like this i am way dissappointed in how things have got in our relationship you are not what i thought you would be i know i should of not expected anything you love someone for who they are not for who you want them to be or try to make them but i swear i never expected to run into a guy who doest know how or care to know the slutty in me or any female you just dont know how to see the really beauty that skin deep !......................we'll see how this goes further down this bumpy dirt road!

bored out of my mind
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: stickitu(pussycat dolls)
Topic: this will be very short
dont feel like putting n-e-thing down o bye til net time

uncontrolable feelings
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: not a dam thing
Topic: the monster within
frickin hate it ....hate this fucked up feeling that just pops out of i dont know were and takes over me.....uugggg...i cant stand it ...its like only certain things or situations bring this annoying monster out ..i swear its not cool it takes over me with out me even having a chance to do anything about anything it sucks and i wish it would just go away later

too long waiting
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: nada
Topic: need to come out
well imstill fucking here and im still not content and im still not able to say what i should say and yes all in all im fucking headed straight down regret zone all because i couldnt open my mouth and let out a few words how fucking stupid of me how can i just sit here and fuck my self all to hell why i ask myself why what the hell am i so scared of i mean whats the worst that could happen if i say how i trully feel and want for my own self happiness what is so hard about being me and saying what i trully want to say what the fuck am i just going to watch as i royally fuck the rest of my life over will i be damed forever how can i let this happen will i always be down and out about myself when i need not be WHY WHY WHY i am dumbfounded and completly baffaled at my actions or should i say no reactions to the things i should react to for my own sanity and serenity oh lord if you are there for me reach out and pull my head out of the mess its in restore my heart and soul to there proper state and let me be the person i long so much to be

WAY TOO FAR TO REACH!!!
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: SILENCE & YAWNS
so you say what u say dont care anyway bout too hit the floor,and there will be no more.no more waiting desperatly to see if you will show a little more interest in me not too pleased with what im not getting keep on forgeting thuis is no joke ive got to be spoke and let it all out this is too long of a drought beginning to think it not going to rain and the thought is driving me insane dont no what to do cant get over you want to just scream and and show you what i mean butyou just dont get it i m tierd of just sittin and waiting time to start getting what i need and stop this starvation and fill my antisapation!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY HORRIFIC NIGHTMARE
Mood:  down
Now Playing: FUCKING SILIENCE
Topic: FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!
OK this sucks this really is not fucking funny anymore I'm really starting to question what the fuck is really going on here?as far as bf gf status and as oneis in this fucking two seater boat there is no fucking onenance i just dont get it ,can this be possible can it truly be that i should be struck with this unbelievable mind boggling situation that seems to have no fucking resolution other than to accept it and oh well thats how its going to be dont like it then get the fuck out of it!!!!!!NOOOOOOOO fucking way !!!..........i am just at a hair pulling ,head banging on wall fucking point !!!!!!!i see no spark of light no ray of hope.. no... no... no ..aahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!this can not be ...,it just blows me all the way back to fuck ville.i am having a difficult time trying to swallow what i so dreadfully will find truly hard to accept and to LIVE WITH!!!!!!!FOR EVER JUST OH WELL ....TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT?........AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!this is just not right i mean come on i know i fucked up in the past,and yea i did do some things that were not right and yea i knew what i was doing most of the time was completely wrong and so yea OK..but i dont think i went way beyond the percentage of the norm..you know i think I'm right there in the line of being average as far as comparing to everyone else you now i dont think i did so much wrong that i would be in the below normal crowd I'm right in the norm averaging just as the most common of all people ...do you get me or am i just so far starved and hallucinating and rambling on about nonsense thats not understandable?maybe so maybe no thats besides the point ........THE FUCKING POINT I'm TRYING TO MAKE IS..........this OK am i so fucking unlucky so cursed for wrong doing am i?so just doomed forever and ever ?that i me ,the kind of person i am ,me ,me, me being known on the hush hush or maybe on the not hush hush of having a over the normal ,at addicting kind of like level on the extreme like to just over indulge cant get enough fucking appetite you know like I'm constantly fucking starving just about ....get it I'm a very high libido bitch yes i am a over indulged of the xxx thang you just dont even know..........the fucking shit i am being forced ,,pushed beyond control resisting in every way not bending at all yet but getting to feel the weaking of the solid grip from the constant pressure and being so fucking blown by the thought of breaking and having to just swallowing it it and pretending I'm going to be OK with it kind of BULL SHIT!!!!its just crazy ,,,what the fuck do you mean i just dont know what the hell to think....you what?you what?no..no...no...this is not happening you dont like to have xxxx ..you dont like to do the thing that keeps me up and feeling like I'm OK like the thing that almost brings life to me my oxygen my life support or maybe half my life support you are WHAT?????????a fucking low libido fucking homo????????fuck no this is insane its just not happening this is a nightmare i need to get dick for real this not funny at all dont even play you what?no...no...no...I'm just mortified ,in deep shock and half passed out !!!!!!!!!!a fucking nightmare of the worst kind this is a bad dream and I'm going to wake up naked with dick in side me from behind and I'm going to open my eyes and turn back and see the eyes of my bf and hes going to have a big smile and hes going to say i knew if i rammed my fucking big cock up inside you from behind you would wake up....and then I'm going to reach his lips and kiss him and tell him about the fucking nightmare and hes going to say oh baby you know thats just a dream a bad dream and I'm going to feel his enormous cock just filling me up and I'm going to smile ...OK OK.........NOW WHAT THE FUCK?????