So, you want to be like one of The Qiaos, do you? There's a little bit of each Qiao in us all. I've analyzed them, and if you want to be the modern Da or Xiao Qiao, follow these instructions carefully!
Da Qiao
1) Die your hair black, tie it in pigtails and put flowers in hair. Watch out for bees and wasps.
2) When possible, live, if not, make often visits to China.
3) Choose a chinese boyfriend who is hellbent on becoming the next Bruce Lee, make sure there is a sufficient age gap(7-10 years will do), make sure you marry him straight away, must know how to use tonfas and have a pointy goatee.
4) Replace that useless pepper spray and/or gun with a pair of bladed fans. Nothing keeps you out of harms way like pointy objects with cooling effects.
5) Make sure you get captured by a rather fat chinese man and your boyfriend saves you.
Xiao Qiao
1) Hair must be to side, and must change colour with outfit.
2) Make you date a guy that's older(8 year age gap minimum), make sure he is a token pretty boy.
3) All of a sudden, take a liking to saying words such as 'sweet!' & 'hey, sis!', even when you're a single child.
4) All of a sudden start talking like a california valley girl, and end start using these phrases more often: "like, um", "i'm telling my boyfriend" & "that's like, so cool".
5) Throw a tantrum when your boyfriend doesn't do exactly what you want, when you want. And insist that everything is cute and everyone should have 'pinkvision' goggles.
