CHAPTER 1

The Beginning of it all.....

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Fire. One of the four elements. Most lethal of the rest I must say. They erupted from within just like the lava does from a volcano. A huge explosion. Hands and legs strewing everywhere. And with this fire came smoke. Last journey of every substance. Dissolving into the air, into nothingness. I don’t know where it began but it is here that it has all ended. No more dreams, no more hallucinations, no more cogitation. From now on it was all reality. Only the facts.

But I know the journey had been tedious, and long. It’s a journey we all take, one of self-realisation, self-purification and enlightenment.

For one of those hands hurled in space by the first element the journey had ended.

But I remember where it all began, not too long ago. Last leg of the journey ; The last life.

So where do we start? It is a long journey but we all have to take it. Oh don’t worry! We will snake our way through it....For now lets start here in Bombay, the heartbeat of India.

A very humid and hot day to start this story, but it’s the best I can think of.

May 14, 2001. Shri Hari Baba hall at Andheri, Bombay.

The Hall is packed to capacity and the 350 pair of eyes is fixed on a 30-year-old man who stands in front of the microphone. "I met god today" he says as he leans towards the mic not sure whether he is loud enough. A squeaking sound accompanies his words through the speakers, and he gracefully steps back. He glances over his audience as he pushes his glasses up with his index finger whenever it slides a little bit down his nose. He can see the curiosity of his listeners had been roused by his words. Having the rapt attention of his audience was not new for Arun Bhatt. This fair, brown-eyed six-foot man was a voracious speaker for the Insaniyat (Humanity) spiritual movement. Insaniyat was one of the most popular groups among the several others that had sprung up in the past decade, with their philosophy defying the tenets of organized religion.

Started in 1980 by Swami Harishchandra in Nagpur, Insaniyat now boasted of a huge following , even in Europe and North America. Swami Harishchandra was a man of infinite peace. His 72-year-old face still had a "Baby" glow to it. He seemed so content with himself and his environment.

"There he is, that is my God" said the honey-laced voice of the Swami that had the smooth flowing of a steady stream that snaked its way through the Himalayas. It wasn't an answer Arun was looking for when he asked the Swami to show him his God. There was Swami's God. About two feet tall, running after a plastic ball which was rolling in the park. This God in floral T-shirt and complementing shorts finally caught up with the ball that had lost its velocity and as soon as he picked it up there was a big grin on his face, but it was severely insufficient to express the joy he was experiencing. The ball to him was Inca. And soon he exploded into a huge chuckle throwing his hands in mid-air, proclaiming to his father, who had rolled the ball seconds ago, that he had conquered the final frontier. And the chuckle transcended in to laughter. "And that , Arun, is my God's way of blessing me" the Swami continued with the same tone that was effervescent of the colossal peace within the man, "That is his way of filling my world with happiness and love, content and fulfilment ".

Arun looked at him. He knew the Swami wasn't done yet.

This was the first time Arun had met the Swami through a friend.

Entering the share market at the early age of 19 was probably not a big surprise for anyone, at least not Arun. His father was a highly successful stockbroker in Bombay. Stocks, Shares, bonds were all in his genes. By 23, Arun had made his mark, he had a duplex flat in the posh locality of Malabar Hills with a beautiful wife. He was a dream come true for many young men of his age who wanted to live like him.

Although this wasn't the first time Arun saw the swami, he had seen him on and off for the past 10 years. He remembered the ads in newspapers, which would tell the people about the Swami's discourse to be held in the coming week. Arun never went. However in ´95 Arun finally lent the Swami his ears. When flipping through channels on his Samsung TV set, he would often see the Swami's discourses going on. Occasionally, just out of curiosity, he would refrain his thumb from pressing the button on the remote and would let the Swami occupy the screen. He could never comprehend how could anyone listen to these new pseudo religious leaders, who actually did not believe in any religion. Why cannot people be satisfied with their God's ? What is wrong with them?

"Many people ask me , who is your God? What do you believe in ? " said the smiling Swami, as if he had heard what Arun was thinking. "Why do we need a God whom we have never seen? " the Swami continued as his eyes stared straight into Arun's from within the 14" colour tube. "Why do we always need someone to watch over us? Why do you fear a God who has never revealed himself to you? . Show me your God right now, I want to meet him" .

There was a big pause as the Swami's eyes pranced around his audience, expecting some body to step and introduce to him the man, who has been elusive for centuries.

The pause was too much for Arun.

With one press of the thumb, the screen was now inundated with the stock ticker of the Financial channel. Arun's favorite.. Even the fact that four years into the marriage and his wife had not conceived, though tearing him apart, was not something that Arun would plunge himself into despair. He still believed that someday Aarti will conceive and hence he never adopted a child.

Dr. Mategaonkar had already told Arun that it seemed unlikely, but no Arun would not have any of it.
Arun's father never got to see a grand child as he passed away due to a severe heart attack last year, but not before trying in vain to convince Arun to adopt a child. Aarti also wanted to, but she let Arun have his way.

Arun's mother would raise the question occasionally during the Sunday dinner at her place and Arun would go quiet. Aarti would always change the subject and get the diners involved in an interactive conversation.

"Hello! Can I speak to Arun please?"
"Yes Arun here"
"Good Morning Arun, this is Dr. Mategaonkar here"
"Yes, doctor. So did you find anything in Aarti's report?"
"Sorry Arun, its negative."
"Oh....I see...."
"Arun is your schedule free for 4'o'Clock tomorrow?"
" I can be free anytime, you know I work from home. Why? "
"Well I have taken the liberty of making an appointment with Dr.Anant Kumar for you and Aarti"
"Why? Is he a Gynaecologist too?"
"No he is not. Well Arun, I hope I am wrong here, but I suspect from Aarti's blood test sample taken last week...."
"Suspect what....?"
" She has traces of malignant cells in her body. And she might be suffering from Leukemia.....or blood cancer....but ...."
"BLOOD CANCER??"
"But Arun..listen to me...as I said I can ..and I hope..I am wrong....I spoke to Dr.Kumar about this and he would like to see Aarti first and then...we can take things from there..."
"Arun , you there ? Are you there??"
"Yes....I cant believe that......this .....is ...why her? ..Oh God..."
"Arun...Arun....let us not jump to conclusions....lets us be pragmatic about this...."
"Doctor...my wife hasn't conceived for the past 4 years...it tears her apart to see a child on the street.....she still manages to smile and now she......"
"Arun..listen to me.."
"And now you say she has....or may have..."
"May ..Arun may.....and maybe not..."
"What if she has it? Why has she to suffer all this? She has taken a lot anyway..."
"Arun listen, I understand how you feel. Your father and I were best friends....and I have seen you grow up since you were a toddler.....I know times have been tough for you....but keep the faith...everything will fall into place....are you there Arun?"
"Yes I am. What is his address? "
" I will come over to pick you up at 3:30, we will go together. OK?"
"OK..and ..."
"What?"
"Thanks for everything"
"Don’t mention it son...don’t mention it"

The phone was hung up simultaneously on both sides. Arun wanted to pinch himself and wake up in bed. But he knew nightmares weren't this bad. He was lost, he did not know what to do. His biggest problem was revealing this to Aarti when she comes back from the Beauty Parlour. Why her ? and why him? Walking over to the small statue of his revered God Krishna he rested his both hands gently on the Oak wood pedestal on which the flute-playing god stood. He wondered if this God was even aware of his predicament, did he even care? Why was life not a problem for Gods? When they lived they would always solve problems with magical powers and now they laugh at us, smile at us, and play their flute while we suffer.

"Why don’t you like to see a smile on my face? Why do I always have to cry? " Arun asked the god, and he even waited for an answer. Interaction with God is not uncommon in India. A devotee, in times of happiness and sorrow, approaches the god and interacts. Just as we do in our daily lives. The stone idols stay still in the image and position carved out by the sculptor. Almost every temple in India has a different deity in it. An all –conquering victorious Kali, looks down with her tongue sticking out as she stamps on the demon she killed, Krishna plays his flute with his right leg crossed over resting his toe beside the left leg, Ganesh with the head of an elephant, which is a substitute after his father beheaded him for disobeying orders, grants his blessings with the symbolic right hand gesture. All the gods represent different moods. The victorious Kali is the wrath of an oppressed women, Krishna is the happy –go-lucky god, who teases his disciples in his sweet way, he is the ultimate personification of a divine entity and the boy-next –door. Ganesh is everyone’s favourite, especially in Bombay. He is the do-gooder who will return favours. Arun was a staunch devotee of Krishna, his historic child hood exploits always appealed to him since he was a kid. His Mother would tell him about how Krishna would steal butter from the neighbours house, and how he would break the clay water-pots with the aid of his catapult.

" Kishan Kanhaiyya (Sanskrit name for Krishna) , Why are you doing this to me? Please tell me why? Did I deserve this?"
But Kanhaiyya stood there playing his flute whose sound nobody could hear. Arun knew he won’t get an answer from his God but he hoped for a miracle and stared straight into the eyes of Kanhaiyya. He imagined that the statue would come to life and Krishna will grant him his wish. Krishna will tell him how pleased he was with Arun , as he had donated heavily to the temple and just last month he got the stairs rebuilt and the walls painted. He always fed the beggars in front of the temple, and donated Rs.20,000 every year for Janmashtami's (Krishna’ Birthday) programs.

Arun had played his part, just according to the script and he read his lines and never missed a cue. But what was Krishna waiting for now? It’s his turn to take centre stage. The clicking of the doorknob though in Arun’s mind derailed the train of thought, as it turned open the door, to reveal Aarti who was taking out her keys from the keyhole. She glanced over to Arun and was shocked to see tears in her husband's eyes. She quickly removed the keys and shut the door behind her " What happened Arun?" she said in a panicky voice, as she cannot remember the last time she saw tears in Arun's eyes. She vigorously rubbed his back with her right palm and gently placed her left hand on his shoulders "Arun , please tell me what happened?"

He had been dealt another cruel blow by God, a.k.a. destiny (for me !) , he tried in vain to reason with his god to help him in lieu of all the things Arun had done for the temple. But the God was adamant. Arun turned around and held Aarti in his arms reassuring her verbally of his love. This was probably the first time Aarti felt uncomfortable in Arun's arms for she knew that he was hiding something from her, something that she ought to know.

Aarti's probing had no effect on Arun, who now nestled himself on the sofa and hid his face in his palms. The silence was too much for Aarti. She remembered a similar scene when they first got to know about Aarti not being able to conceive, but surely it can't be the same. This is something else. "ARUN" Aarti screamed, she just couldn’t hold it any longer. "What the hell is going on? Tell me something. Your silence is killing me!."

.

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"Aarti" Arun whispered in a voice which was trembling, not from the knowledge of the disaster but the fear of how Aarti would react to it, " Dr. Mategaonkar had called".....

" ..And said I haven’t conceived yet again" Aarti interrupted Arun, and she slumped on the sofa as if somebody had just pushed her with force on to it. Arun leaned over to her and held her in tight embrace and finally whispered " Aarti, you know you are a very brave woman". "Correction Arun, a barren brave woman" she said with a smile that reeked of self-pity and anger of a helpless being. Arun held on to her as if his whole life depended on it, for Aarti it was not new as similar scenes would follow each time the maternity test reports were sent back. Arun was clueless on how to divulge the news to her. In Indian culture women are considered to be emotionally weak and unable to handle bad news due to their volatile emotional state. Aarti was different. She had always been an independent girl in her childhood. Her father brought her up the same way he did his son. In most Indian families the son would be the preferred one. Although the cruelty subjected to the girl child is almost nearing extinction , it still persists in rural areas. In cities like Bombay, boys and girls were treated almost the same when it came to upbringing. The boy might be the favourite, but hardly is a girl ever denied privilege that the son would have. Aarti was such one. Her father always taught her to be brave and let her make decisions on her own.

With Aarti already reeling under the disappointment of being childless, Arun wasn’t sure how to divulge the news. He wished he didn’t have to.

"Arun?"
"Yes darling"

Still locked in embrace they were physically near and mentally as far as possible. While Arun was trying to find a way out of his dilemma before Aarti released her self from his arms.Aarti was convinced that she will remain barren for the rest of her life. She was contemplating on how to convince Arun to adopt a daughter. She always wanted a daughter, and she wanted to raise her exactly as her father had raised her. While she sat there, she was mentally visualising a toddler running across the room and stumbling on the costly Persian vase while she would pick her up in her arms and remind her that her father wont be happy with that. She would call her Mrignalini. She was fascinated by this name ever since she saw a TV program by that name.

"Oh Mrignalini! Now Daddy won’t be happy with you. " Aarti smiled coyly at her imagination that usually took flights of fancy when it came to children, and being a mother.
Arun was miles away in a far away land of mires and mist. He was still thinking how and when to tell Aarti about...Oh! He didn’t even want to mention that name in his thoughts.

"Arun I think we should adopt a child, there is no point in delaying this any further" she sounded very convinced as she freed her self from his embrace and sat cross-legged on the sofa facing her husband. Arun knew he was in a catch 22 situation. Aarti was totally unaware of the situation and the thought of adopting, as always, brought a glow to her face.

"Arun, it’s been over four years, let’s face it. I know it hard for you to...not have someone from your own ...bloodline......but is it that important a factor?. Arun, the walls of this house have been clean for a long time, I need someone to scribble with her crayons all over it, I need someone to fill this loneliness with her laughter, I need a child... I have been a wife and now I need to be a mother....I want a child to be in my......."

"Aarti you have Cancer"
Arun could not look her in the eyes as he said that. He was completely helpless in that situation. He could not think of a diplomatic way to reveal the news and the passion with which Aarti was going on about her child was too much for Arun. Her words were like bullets rushing through from a machine gun and piercing his body till he could no longer take it. He had to give it up. Aarti went speechless, she could not even voice an expression. For her it was like as if someone had just dropped a bomb on her dream house and she had nothing left to her life. Emotions were so mixed inside her. Anger, anguish, frustration and disbelief were all fighting with each other to make their way up to her face and be expressed. But none could. She gaped at Arun who stared at the floor and twiddled his fingers and swayed his head " Doctor called this morning, he said you might have Blood Cancer. We are going to a specialist tomorrow and .....then.....we will see" he still couldn’t face her. He knew the look that awaited him. Those eyes had already shed so many tears over the years but he knew this time they would be dry. For even the tears themselves were frozen with horror.

Arun finally looked towards Aarti. She was still staring at him like a statue. Arun knew Aarti was in total disbelief and she was not convinced that she could be subjected to so many brutalities in her life. Arun again took her in his arms but within seconds she pushed him away and got up from the sofa, she had her finger pointed at him and wanted to say something, but words had suddenly disappeared. Her eyes showed anger, but the watery sheen on it displayed the utter helplessness that a child feels. She felt like a sinking ship, going down, with no one to save her. What could she do?

And at that moment she did that every other human being would probably do. She ran to Krishna's statue but this time she did not have a head that bowed before him and placed itself to the mercy of the lord. It was a head that stood high up, and she wanted an answer, she wanted to know why was she going through all this?

"You must be so happy today" she said to the revered Idol, "Once again you have triumphed. You have made us dance once again to the tune of your flute. What have I done to you? Why do you hate me so much?" Aarti's voice had increased in decibel, she was not asking questions, she was demanding an answer. She broke down and rested her forehead on the pedestal. She knew she was helpless. Arun walked over to her and placed her arms around her shoulders and she reacted violently by turning around and screaming in his face " And don’t you try to tell me that everything will be okay.....because it wont .....you have a barren, Cancer infected woman for your wife....your life is hell...and NO....things will not get better....you heard me?" she asked as she pounded her fist on his chest "He hates us"she pointed towards the statue while still looking at Arun "He wants me to die, and I will die , yes Arun....I will die......I...." her choked up feelings now transformed into tears that rolled along like a steady stream and she rested her head on Arun's shoulder. She was inconsolable. Arun knew his words won’t be of any good. No halo effect would work with Aarti now, she saw her end coming.

CHAPTER 4

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Two months had passed since the visit to Dr. Kumar. Reports had confirmed all doubts Arun had. It was acute Leukemia. Now even the symptoms had started showing up. Her immune system was slowly letting its guard down and she had become very weak. Her defence mechanism was boosted by the ongoing Chemotherapy, but it did not guarantee total recovery. Aarti had been at the hospital for 45 days. Dr. Kumar had told Arun if he could afford full time nurses for both day and night time he might as well take her home. Nurses will take care of her medical needs while the home environment and Arun's presence will be a boost for her psychologically.

Being at home had been good, for Arun more than Aarti. She was still anaemic and was slow to respond to corrective medicines. She had to take medicines just to control the nausea she felt after eating food, which was liquefied for easy consumption. Arun had lost quite some business in the weeks he spent with Aarti in the Hospital, and he had to pull up his socks, now that the cost of medical treatment of Aarti was spiralling. Arun knew that Aarti was going, she was slipping away from him, she was loosing her grip on life slowly. But he did not want to believe that.

His mother had told him that God had a divine plan, and there is nothing that can be done to alter his leela(Divine plan).

Arun was already questioning the God he so revered.

All these years of worshipping a stone Idol, and in the end what did I get? Pain , unhappiness and now the probable loss of my wife. Similar thoughts raced across Arun's mind as he strolled along the popular Chaupati (sea shore). The fresh sea breeze and throngs of people around him still made him feel lonely and lost. He knew Aarti was going, pretty soon. Medicine had failed. He wondered how is that so many researchers all over the world spend half their lives in labs and still they cannot find a medicine that would kill cancer no matter at what stage it is. All of Aarti's biological problems were beyond the measure of medicine. Her infertility, and now cancer. Arun could not understand why God gave him problems that he could not even fight with? As his eyes savoured in the fantastic view of the sun setting on the horizon that stretched across the Arabian Sea, he saw a couple walking along the shoreline with their kids in front. The children would chase the waves as it rolled back , and would come running towards the shore as a fresh wave came rushing. The parents were watching with hawk eyes, making sure that the children's games remained a game. Now why could not Arun be happy like that. Why can't he enjoy the Sunset with his wife and kids? WHY. This three-letter word perplexed him a lot. Things happened to him and he wondered why? Everytime he would go to a temple and ask God why? Of course, they statue did not reply back. Within few days after relatives and friends would remind him that nothing can be done against your fate. If God has willed, so be it.

And so humans escape with innocence, blaming the disasters of their life on God who has nothing to do with it in the first place. Is it not so prevalent nowadays? It is God's will. This sentence is so often used to describe an event that is creating uncomfortable situation in the immediate environment. Call it God's will and everything is justified. Everything is fine. Same with misfortunes. It is humans who cause these miseries on themselves. What goes around comes around.

Karma, yes that is it. Karma.

All the questioning of his faith and relation with his god had distanced Arun from the temples he often visited. He was changing for others, but for me he was evolving. Evolving into a new spiritual being, adapting now to a different environment which might suit his needs. Yes suit his needs. He wanted a God that would listen to him, understand him, and give him the basic necessities of his life. He wanted a God with whom he could interact. But faith in super natural power is like climbing a ladder. You hold on to the rung as long as you want to be there. Once you are done you take the other rung, because you want to climb up. The ladder is the same, you are the same only the rungs are different. And in this huge human craze for search of spiritual fulfilment, you keep on changing the rungs to go somewhere. The constant need for change, the adventure of exploring the unknown is the basic human desire that has transcended into their religious philosophy. The truth is down here, not up in the sky. All you need is to get down from the ladder and you will find everything you seek. There is no one who looks after you from up above, at least not now. Everything you need is here. But nobody realises this .
.

Arun wanted to move up the rung. I knew he wanted to get down the ladder, but his heart wanted to know what happens if he moves up. He needed a change, and I thought he was right , he needed a change before the real change.

It was a change from the regular routine Arun had. Working at home with phone ringing constantly as the share market went on with its characteristic highs and lows. As soon as he found some time off he would go over to Aarti's room , but if she was sleeping there was nothing he could do. If she was awake he would sit beside her and tell her about his day, of course there was not much to talk about, but Aarti needed all the conversation she could. After all soon enough the bed will be empty and Arun would only hear the walls echo his words. If Aarti was asleep the nurse would recount all the activities of the day that Aarti indulged in. Which was the same all the time.

Arun loved to sit near Aarti and talk to her. She would ask him questions, and he would try answer them. Some he couldn’t. She asked him once if he would marry again. He said no. She said what if she wanted him to marry and he was quiet.

All the smiles he had smiled were forced, not genuine. And Gomez sounded like a whiff of fresh air.

"You look pretty tense" said Juda as he continued to sip his coffee.
Arun came back from his lost-in-thought-world and looked towards Juda and then towards his coffee cup as he turned it round and round. "Well things just haven't been going my way recently"
"And what is your way?." Arun stopped his fidgeting hands and stared right back at Juda. Good question. What was Arun's way? Nobody asked about it yet and he never thought about it.
"Lets just say....if there are tow roads starting from this point....on one I see huge pots of gold.....and on the other I see my wife and my daughter....the latter is my way..the way I want to go...."

"and right now the only road you see is the one with the pot of gold?"
"The only road"
"Why don't you make your own road...you have what it takes".
On another day Arun would have shot back at Juda and told him to mind his own business, but today he wanted to talk about it. Juda seemed like a person who is not telling him the same old story of how God has sealed his fate and that he can do nothing about it. He was offering a solution, a way.
"What...What do you mean...by....I have what it...takes..?."
"You know when times are tough for us, we always look up to the sky , to God for strength. Which is right, something we should do...."
"Yeah sure!...And he is a big help..." Arun quipped with a sarcastic grin.
"No he is not. He won’t help you just because you gave your hand out to him. Don’t expect him to do things for you unless you try to help yourself. Remember God help those......"
"Who help themselves..." Arun interrupted him again "I 'll. tell you what Juda, my wife has been barren for the past four years and now she has only a couple of months to live, now you tell me how the hell am I supposed to help my self?."
Arun stared straight into Juda's eyes with a look that demanded an immediate answer.
"Prayers go up and blessings come down Arun. Did your prayer go up?."
" Yes and the blessings haven’t come down....and you know what it is of no use....my destiny has been sealed....."

"No destiny can be sealed...it can always change and it does not take a lot to change it. Faith and prayers is what takes you there."

"So can you change my destiny?". Asked Arun with a voice that was laden with doubt and disregard.
"Not me, but he can. He will".
"HE? Who is he?"

"The saviour of my life, and the saviour of billions of lives..Jesus Christ...."
" Uh...Oh.....hold on....if this is all about being a Christian...forget it....".
" No body is asking you to be a Christian....we will pray for your wife...you don’t need to come and sit with us.....be where you want to be.....we will pray for her and I believe Christ will heal her".

Arun was more puzzled than ever, and shook his hands in the air as if making some imaginary figures from thin air "Now why would you pray for my wife...you don’t know her...you hardly know me!!!"

"What’s her name?" Juda asked ignoring Arun's question.
"Aarti, but why would you...."
Juda got up, with smile still on his face , he placed on the table his visiting card and said "We will pray for her and may Christ heal her". He left.

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Driving down Marine Drive Arun was thinking about the strange man called Juda he met a fortnight ago. The self-proclaimed healers of God who roam the streets looking for people with wrinkled brows and spreading the word of their lord. But was it religion that was bothering Arun? No. All he wanted was Aarti to get better but things were going only downhill. Aarti still could not eat a lot, all her food was liquefied and she was bed ridden. She had lost the glow on her face and now seemed to have aged quick for her age. She wasn’t having any lively conversations with Arun anymore. She was tired, no, she was dying. It was not the fact that she was dying that hurt, but that she was dying slowly and they both knew it. She was still brave in the face of death. She still would force a smile whenever Arun walked into her room.

He was sick of the word God. God had done nothing for him and he wanted nothing else from him. He was through with God. In fact God did not exist. There was no one up there. Just us. Foolish us, worshipping stone idols and scriptures that do not even hear our cries of pain.

The parking lot of his Apartment had a few familiar cars in the visitor parking area. It was Dr.Mategaonkar and his Mother's.

It was always a joy to see his mother's car pull up in the parking lot. The old family driver Bansi was sitting behind the steering and listening to Film music, and as soon as he saw Arun pass by he gave him a salute to which Arun's response was a smile. Arun opened the door with his set of the keys and found Dr. Mategaonkar and his mother sitting with Aarti on the sofa. Arun felt a rush of joy spiralling through his body, Aarti sitting upright on the sofa and sporting, what Arun believed was, a genuine smile. "Ho, Ho,Ho "said Arun , imitating the saint from North Pole, "Is this a party to which I was not invited?" he was still smiling as he shut the door behind him and started untying his shoes. before anybody could answer he added "And some beautiful lady looks more beautiful today!".

"Oh thank you, Arun" said his Mother and they all laughed. Even Aarti had a genuine laughter. Arun walked over to Aarti and sat beside her, he held her and kissed her on the forehead and said "So my queen, what’s up with you today?". "I dont know! Today morning I felt so energetic, not the energy that made me want to run or jump...but something........that just .....made me feel good. Hence I called up Mom and Uncle Mategaonkar".
In India, Uncle is a word, which precedes every elder male's name, who is not a relative, as addressing an elder person by name is considered bad manners, something which is not socially accepted. Mategaonkar uncle was a very close friend of Arun's father. In good times and bad , he was always there with the family.

He never married and now at the age of 52 it seemed that he sometimes regretted it. He did spend a lot of time at Arun's house, and would accompany his Mother for shopping. Sometimes Arun wondered how it would be if his Mom gets married to the doctor. He laughed whenever he thought of that, because he knew that the love those two shared was of a brother and sister.
"She looks in good shape to me" asserted Uncle Mategaonkar with a assuring smile that came with an authority of having a medical degree to his name. When a doctor say that , we like to believe it. Arun did too. "Looks like your prayers just had the first affect" he continued as he pointed towards Arun. Arun gave out a smile that concealed his guilt, he was not praying for Aarti. He was through with God and now going and kneeling down before that stone Idol was totally out of question.
But he never let anybody know that he wasn’t. It is very hard in India to be an atheist. Once you declare you are one, you will be inundated by people who believe that the mighty task of saving souls has been put entirely on their shoulders. And they wont leave you till they have put their point across and made you accept the existence of God. Arun was well aware of the fact and he refrained from publicly accepting this. All of a sudden the smile vanished from Arun's face. He got up in a jolt making the other three people in the room stare at him in surprise and anticipation of an answer for this abrupt behaviour. "I have to make an urgent call.....to ....err.......a client......" he stammered. "Arun , are you okay?" his Mother asked with a worried tone . "Oh yes, mom, Its just .....that ..he had these...shares...and he has to sell it today......I completely forgot"

"Business before pleasure Arun" said the Doctor.
"Yes right....Business before pleasure....I'll be back"

Saying so he left the room, leaving behind three who were not completely satisfied with his reply, but took his word for it.

"Hello? Can I speak to Juda ?"
"Yes Arun...this is him"
"Oh hi.....Er....so...How are you doing?"
"I am doing good Arun..thank you.....and must I say this has been a pleasant surprise hearing from you!"
"Well I was sort of busy...you know...with market on a roller coaster ride.....you have to be on you toes all the time...."
"Arun, something tells me you did not make this call to tell me about the share market....." quipped Juda in a teasing tone and wrapping it up with a giggle that would wipe out any feel of rudeness his words might project.
"You are a mind reader aren't you?" said Arun, not at all happy about the fact that Juda was right
" I try sometimes!!" laughed Juda
"Well I just called to say hi....and see what you were upto...." Arun tried to cover up his real reason for calling because he totally uncomfortable as Juda saw through him.
"Arun..Shed the veil....be yourself......You are more comfortable when you speak your heart......I know why you called.....Yes me and Jessica have been praying for Aarti everyday. We have asked every member in our prayer group to pray for her in their homes....and they all do..."
"Oh...I see......I mean ..Thanks Juda....I really appreciate everything you are doing for me......"
"How is Aarti now?".
"Actually today she is feeling great! I mean great as in her standards.....she is sitting in the living room and having a good conversation with a family friend and my mother."
" See I told you Arun.....prayers go up and blessings come down"
" I can feel the blessings coming down ,Juda......all I want is my Aarti to stay with me all my life......I want nothing else....."
" We will keep praying Arun.....and remember you are always welcome to join...IF you want to......but Aarti is definitely the main focus of our prayers every day."
"Thank you Juda, And I would like to come down to pray one day...I mean I dont..promise .....that I will.....become ...you know...a Christian.......but......"
"Relax Arun, relax, You know what ? You have had enough joy for today, so go and spend the time with Aarti and whenever you feel like coming to our meetings.....give me a call before 3 in the afternoon of that day.OK? ".
"Okay, Juda and thanks"
"I dont deserve the thanks Arun.....and God bless you "
"Good bye , Juda"
"Bye Arun".

-------------------------

It had been a good day for Arun. Finally he got to spend some time alone with Aarti who hadn’t been this lively since a long time. The doctor and his Mother left an hour ago, taking the nurse with them as she had her night off on Wednesday. Arun was so happy, he held Aarti in his arms and it almost felt like the good old days. For in that moment he had forgotten everything, he didn’t care about what the medical reports said. For in the dark tunnel, he saw a light. And he heard a voice that said Aarti will live. After all miracles have happened. He remembered his friend's wife, Sunita , once telling him " Arun you know why they call it a miracle? because they happen at times when people least expect them to. When everything looks bleak and hopeless, suddenly from somewhere, a light will shine, a voice will be heard and all your miseries will vanish."

Yes Arun believed in miracles. But as his faith in the Idols floundered so did his in Miracles. But now he really wanted to believe in it. May be Aarti will live. She will be showered by blessings from above. Above? So is Arun again believing in God. No , thought Arun. Who knows ? Juda's god might work. Juda's God, Arun's God, Ha, ha. Arun laughed to himself. So now, it is a matter of whose god is right. But isn't this how people change their belief? Arun pondered hard on this " If I am granted a wish from a different god, don’t I owe him my faith? I can't deny his existence if he listened to my prayers." Arun wanted to go to the prayer meeting with Juda. It wasn’t a search for spiritualism or a search for a better god, it was Aarti's life. He loved Aarti and he wanted her to live, and he will do any thing to see that she does. And if a miracle did happen he would adopt a baby girl. Just like Aarti wanted to and name her Mrignalini. He laughed again at the speed with which his thoughts travelled. Coming back to the present was so hard for him, as nothing had changed. Aarti was on her way to.....that hurts......he still wasn’t a father . But he knew where to start , yes, he decided he will go with Juda to this prayer meeting. He will pray to Christ, yes what the heck? He prayed and cried before his god and what happened, from being a childless father he was on his way to be a widower. Yes, if his god didn’t care for him Arun will stand up to him and tell him that he did not care for him either. What will Aarti think of his move? What will his Mother think? The doctor was a very liberal man and for sure he would never mind. But his friends? Will his clientele be affected? These thoughts were racing past him in the track of his mind. "Wait a minute" he kept on talking to himself " Why do I care what others think? What is my priority? Aarti or my clientele? Aarti of course, she is way above my friends too. Mom? well I am sure mom will understand if I become a Christian. After all she will notice the miracle too. She loves me and Aarti and she will respect our wishes". Arun was convinced that he was going to the meeting with Juda he just could not come to terms with the fact that one day he might be a Christian. "I want to do that but I dont if I can? If Aarti gets healed , no doubt I will become and remain a Christian all my life. And I will have to forsake my god. How can I do that ? Well I can do that.....I guess the jitters are because I am stepping out of my comfort zone. I will overcome every fear I have. I want Aarti to live, it doesn’t matter which god gives her the elixir"

"Arun"
The dazed sleepy voice of Aarti brought Arun's speedy train of thought to a jolty halt. He gazed at her as her head rested on his shoulders , "Had a good sleep?." he inquired,
"Really good" She replied as she tightened her grip on him, her eyes still closed she continued "So what are you thinking?"
"About us"
"Arun I must have something really good in my past life to have got a husband like you!" saying so she finally opened her eyes and looked into Arun's . She was on the verge of loosing her hair, as it had succumbed to the strong doses of Chemo therapy.Arun cleared the few thin layer of hair with a flick of his finger and said"No. It is me who must have done something in my past life to deserve an angel like you".

"Yes Arun, but your angel will soon leave for heaven"
"Aarti please!" Arun pleaded,
"Arun I pray to god that every time I am reborn I should have you as my husband"
"Even if you were born as a man?" Inquired Arun with a twinkle in his eye, that led to the room being filled chuckles and laughter.
"Arun , I think we should talk about this, it will be good"
"Talk about what?"
"Talk about my death"
"Aarti, I said PLEASE. We can talk about other things too!" Arun said in a displeased tone
"No Arun it is good. We talk about life so much, on how we want to live it. We planned a lot of things together, so why cant we talk about my death, it is such a natural thing. Just like being born. I know it is not easy for us as we had such a short time together, but I wont vanish into eternity. I will come again into this earth, as someone whom you may not know, and someone who will not know you. Arun I will miss you" and saying thus she kissed him a dozen times.
"Will you marry after I am dead?."
"Aarti....."
"Answer me......."
"No.....maybe..may be not...I dont know..."
"Why are you feeling so uncomfortable? I told you it is good to talk about this. You always planned your life, why aren't you doing it now? I think you should marry after a year of my death, you have a huge life ahead of you....you need someone...."
"Look at Uncle Mategaokar, he never needed anybody......" Arun quipped
"And is he happy?......I dont think so."
"Well Aarti I will cross the bridge when I have to, right now I want to be with you.....and you know what......nothing may happen.....you still will bore me for another 50 years" said Arun smiling in his last 7 words.
"You know...that is not possible"
"Aarti , miracles happen, and they will this time round"

" I want to believe you Arun, I want to. But I am prepared for my end and I take satisfaction that I had happy marriage, no matter how short. Most women never find the right man, others who think they did find out after a year of marriage that it was just a mirage. But with you I have found a soul mate, someone who loves me and has been faithful to me all the time. And when I will finally close my eyes and breath the last whiff of air, I will thank god, thank him for giving me such a wonderful life with a wonderful man. And I will beg him to join me with you in our next life also"

Arun was speechless for a while. All he could say was "I love you Aarti, I love you".

--------------

The six o’clock traffic Sion was as usual heavy. "We should be there in another 20 minutes" said Juda as honked ferociously at the car in front of him. Arun watched his friend battle the busy Bombay traffic, just like he did everyday. It was a relief for him to be sitting in the passenger seat for a change. The prayer meeting was to start at 6:30 at Juda's house. It was held everyday at the same time with the venue rotating from member to member. Today it was Juda's turn. Arun said very little during the whole trip, and Juda was aware of that.

"You know Arun, every body is afraid of change. For change is so hard, it is doing something we are not used. But that does not make it wrong, or forbidden" said Juda as he steered diligently through the traffic.

"But what if change is forced. It comes out of anger of something that did not work.....something you thought would?."

"Every change is justified" Juda's eyes were still on the road, although he would steal glances at times to stress on a particular word "Every change comes from dissatisfaction for if you were happy with what you are you wont change. So Arun.."He looked at Arun and pointed his finger at him telling him that he was bout to make a very important statement. "Don't ever be scared to be disatissfied....to want is not greed....except if you have a financial connotation attached.......search, for something new...everytime.....all the time......and one day you will find peace...just like I have....with Christ....I hope you too will".

" Arun Bhatt, the bull at BSE" proclaimed Juda in his characteristic teasing tone that was not offending in the least, as he presented Arun to the small gathering as a magician presents a live girl from a box he just sawed in to half.
"Oh so you are the bull" said a young man sitting in the corner as he held a "Thumbs-up" for Arun,
"I'll say it is all bull-shit!."

Laughter echoed the room.

Juda's wife Jessica was a beautiful lady , with short curly hair. Probably Aarti's age. The young man was Thomas, a Jai Hind college student, Mr.&Mrs. David, both Teachers at the railway school and Mr. and Mrs. Swami who were retired and taking there life easy for now.
"I invested 50,000 in VVC in shares, just last month." Said Mr.Swami with a look that anticipated a remark from the expert.
" Well..the company is new and shares tend to go up, but I would suggest you sell it off as soon as you make a decent profit......not all of it but at least half of the profit"
"My stock broker said the same thing. Do give me your card so that we can talk later"
"Sure , I will" replied Arun

"Ok , friends now who wants invest in the company of God?" interrupted Juda as he kept a Bible on the table.

" Well Arun we all know about you and Aarti. Both of you have been in our prayers everyday" said the calm voice of Mrs.Swami, "And we believe that our prayers will be answered".
"Aarti was feeling good yesterday and she wasn’t doing bad today either" said Arun, rubbing his palms together to shake away the nervousness. "Yes....I believe she is getting better...but I hope she...she ..you know......"

"She will" Jessica placed her hand on Arun's shoulder " she will stay with you for years to come."
Now this was new for Arun. Earlier everybody told him that God has sealed his destiny and there is nothing he can do about it, but these people told him something else. They gave him hope, a light to follow in the tunnel. And Arun needed that. He was like a boy lost in the crowd, he needed a hand to hold on to , and he thought the had found one.

"Arun we are not part of a church or an organized movement" said Juda as he made quotation symbol with his fingers, "we are a group of friends who believe in praying together for people we know, people who need God's blessing"

Arun listened attentively as Juda went on "We read a small verse from the Holy Bible and then share our thoughts about it. Later we sit and pray turn by turn for us and people we know".

"So what do I have to do......like what is my part?"
"Arun" Mr. David said " Its your first time with us, probably first time in a chritian worship group and I know it is new for you, I know you feel out of place...but its natural.....so just sit and observe...and if you feel you want to say something say....even if you are quiet you have done your part.....you have listened".

"Well , OK, sounds good to me" Arun gave a wry smile.

The session started with Juda reading from the Bible , they all discussed about the Sabbath day. Is it relevant today? Is it possible for us to observe it for the rest of our life? I found it very interesting. Moses....huh...never thought his words will be adhered to thousands of years later.

----------------------

Arun had not prayed to Christ yet. He could not go daily to the meetings due to his business obligations, but he would keep in touch with Juda. In the first week Arun was present in 4 meetings, he would sit quietly and listen intensely to the discussion. But his ears would still search for words like "healing" and "Miracles" in them. He was very intense when it came to praying. He would grip his palms real hard whenever a group member mentioned the name Aarti, and pleaded to Christ for her well being. He would feel spiritually recharged and confident that Aarti was on her way back.

But she wasn’t. After that unusual day, Aarti was back again to her old symptoms. She was too tired to even walk to the living room, all she wanted to do was lay in bed and relax. Her back used to kill her and she would turn over just transfer the pain from one side to the other. She now was very close to a living skeleton, every curve in her bone could be seen as the layer of skin loosely wrapped around it would allow. Her hair was all gone. Her eyes bulged out as the puffed up cheeks on which Arun had laid his lips so many times, disappeared. Her body used to ache continuously and hence Arun hired a maidservant who used to come for two hours in the morning and late evening to gently massage it.

Arun was flustered. He didn’t know why was she going down hill after showing signs of a come back. "He is testing your faith, Arun" was Juda's answer whenever Arun asked him about Aarti's deteriorating health. Arun wanted to believe that. But he had his doubts. At times he felt like a traitor, he had betrayed his God and went to another. Maybe his God was avenging it. But then why did he give that disease to Aarti when Arun still worshipped him? Was he testing Arun? Was Juda a temptation? A bait to which Arun had bitten?

These thoughts drove Arun crazy as he would ponder over it late into the night. He asked himself questions and answered them himself. After a momentary satisfaction he would doubt the credibility of his answers, then a new one.... and so the cycle continued. Till his mind was tired of churning out any more logical explanations and he would finally lay in slumber.

Arun was slowly beginning to convince himself of the fact that Aarti was going to die. It was inevitable. Neither Krishna nor Jesus could do anything. Arun's mind would change every second. It was something new all the time. It was like a speedboat that would race around the open seas with total freedom leaving no room for hesitancy. Everything was to be explored. He compared himself to a rich sheikh who changed into new clothes every 4 hours just to be presentable and keep himself amused. He was doing the same with religion. He was Hindu, then he wanted to become a Christian, now he was toying with the idea of converting to Islam or Buddhism. It was not a spiritual journey, all he wanted was Aarti to live.

He woke up at 4 in the morning. He could not sleep , the burden of his thoughts was too heavy to take with him to bed.
He switched on his TV and was flipping channels as he rubbed his eyes to shake of the blurring.

He gave his thumb that kept on pressing the remote button, until he reached the Financial Channel of course, a rest as he turned himself in the bed to reach out for the lamp switch.

"Let them go, let them die " said a familiar voice as he turned on the light. It was the Swami's voice. Arun was seeing him after a long time, as now a days he hardly flipped channels, in fact he wasn't even watching TV a lot. But the words "Die" got his attention lock, stock and barrel. Arun raised the volume just a notch so as not to disturb Aarti or the nurse , two doors from his bedroom.

The Swami was dressed in his usual white robe that was knotted in the waist. His white beard rested on his chest as he slouched on the Gaddhi . He was as always calm and totally in control of himself and his environment. "Why do you grieve your lost ones?" the Swami continued " And why do you fret about the ones who are about to leave the world". At this point Arun turned up the volume one more bar , "I asked one man who came to me crying and fell on my feet, why do you cry? He looked up to me with his eyes flooded with tears and said "Swami save my daughter?" His daughter was a 12-year-old girl , her brain tumor had brought her to the doors of death. And the Doctors gave her 3 days" And the Swami emphasized by holding up three fingers , he paused. "I asked him why does he want her to stay? and he replied that he loved her. I told him if she died will he stop loving her? and he said no" said the Swami by gesticulating a surprised look. Swami was always very expressive in his teachings. He would imitate the passion with which the scenes had unfolded to him. "No swami, I will always love her, even if she dies. So I asked him "Then why do you cry? You will love her always...she will love you always.....and is the human love so weak that it can be fulfilled only by physical possession of the object of affection? When a child sees a toy in the store....he likes it and asks his father to buy it for him.....his father does.....the child is obsessed with the gift.....he plays with the toy everyday and becomes fond of it.....one day when he came home from school he could not find the toy.....he searched the whole house....he couldn’t find it.....he cried ....he cried.....and cried......same was the state of the man...he was about to loose his toy and he cried.......but why do you cry?" at this the swami raised the pitch of his voice...."What are those tears going to do? Will they bring back your loved ones? No , never" the Swami swayed his hands around and expressing disagreement with his hands too. "Man has never known content...he has never known satisfaction.....12 years with a child was a love that will last a lifetime...think of people who never had a child" At this Arun pursed his lips "Your loved ones are not yours....they belong to the universe...they belong to the energy of the cosmos....they have to travel...through many lives...before they reach their salvation.....they have to be liberated.....so dont cry...because your loved ones will never die....they will only leave their mortal being....and pass on to another.....no body dies......we are all here working off our karma from our past lives.......don't grieve for them....they are going to a better place than this.....maybe they have achieved moksha....maybe their soul is achieving salvation......so who are you to stop them?....yes cry....cry...do shed tears....after all we are human....years of association cannot be broken off without grief......but let your grief finally be buried over the joy that the person now has one life less to go towards salvation"

Arun was wide-awake, he wasn't even yawning now.

"On a hot summer day in Nagpur , when the temperature rises to 46 degree Celsius, we welcome the cloud cover....we feel so happy...then it rains.....and we are happy.....but then the sunshines again beating down on us.....and we curse....Oh I wish the cloud would have stayed forever.....nothing is forever...the cloud was there...it gave you happiness....then it was gone.....let it go.....dont fret about it.....and this how your life will be.....your friends and relatives will one day depart from this world.....don't stop them...don't even try....this life is just one of the stops we all make on our long journey to salvation.....it is our karma......you too will leave your mortal being one day....and people will grieve your death.....but you will pass on to another life another body...and you will forget everything......" The Swami paused and leaned forward to wards the mike...."Don't be afraid of death.....yours or other's.....death is just one of the steps to eternal life.....you never die...your soul never dies....only your mortal being perishes....so look forward to your new life....remember if you are still living with a human body...you have not worked of f your karma...so do it now......turn your life around.....what are you waiting for?......

The Narrator....

-------------------------------------------

I have travelled far and wide, not only as in geographical distances but also as in time. I travelled through centuries and I undertook many journeys before I could finally reach my destination. Arun has been travelling too, now he needs a rest. He is entering the final frontier, he is taking his last steps , but he is not aware of that. He doesn’t know. I will have to tell him that.

I am a spirit. I have entered the realm of physical and mortal beings, the Earth, on numerous occasions. I have reached my final frontier. My name is Sheron, I first came in to your world centuries ago. I don't remember where I started, it is such a big circle, the circle of life...and death....but I do remember when I was born in Egypt as Sheron, in the family of a Soldier in the Paroha's Army. Times were tough back then for the slaves. I was there when Moses came to ask freedom for his people, I was a 7 year old boy. But I don’t remember the staff turning into snakes and the water turning into blood. I don’t remember the hail falling on us......no I don't...for as far as I remember....it didn’t happen......but then....I was a kid...so maybe it did. But I do remember an epidemic spreading in the great land of Egypt, my mother kept me at home and said being a first born, I was in danger. Many people died, most of them first born.....but definitely ...not only the firstborns......but then again as I said I was only 7 years old back then.....on that night as the moon hid behind the clouds that had appeared mysteriously in the skies I felt my body being gripped by a shiver that shook my whole being. Within two hours I left my mortal frame. From then on started my journey towards eternity. My soul entered this world again and again. And I did so till my Karma set me free, finally.

We all are bound by the rules of Karma. Standing on Arjun's chariot Krishna elaborated on this, Buddha spoke about it however with a different connotation, the Bible is totally quiet but it does have the words which provide the embryonic impetus in the words "As you sow , shall you reap". The sowing and reaping is not limited to one life, or should I say one mortal life. It is realised through the numerous journeys that we all undertake until the final realisation. But the final realisation comes only after the person has reached his final stage, where his Karma has been ripened. After departing from the mortal being, the spirit realises every journey they have undertaken through all these years, millions of years. But as soon as they start another journey, in the mortal vehicle of humans, they forget everything. We do not recall any of our past lives, we are not aware that our bad karma is now the reason for our miseries, and all the goods that we have around us is our good karma.

Karma. As Jesus told us "As you sow shall you reap".......is it fair? Why should a human suffer the bad Karma of a previous life he does not even remember? He or she will never know for what they are suffering? Hence the quintessential three letter word - WHY? or its antecedent WHY ME? Arun asked this question, Aarti asked this question, we all ask this question when something in our life goes wrong. But what good is karma if we come to this earth so many times and both suffer and reap the deeds of our past life, without having any knowledge of it. If the person is not allowed to learn from the mistakes he made in his past lives he will forever be embroiled in this nasty giant wheel of Journey. The short time between two mortal journeys, which can be anything between 1 minute to millions of year, is the only phase where we can look back on all our journeys, look at the mistakes we made, look at the lessons we learnt or should have learnt. And it is this span of time that some humans recall in the midst of their journeys. It is a sign of "Ripening". The last steps to eternity. Whenever a mortal recalls his past life he is on the verge of being freed from the tedious journey. But not all mortals will recall. Recall is a warning sign, just like the ones on highways which tell you about construction work being under taken , or tell you to go slow. Recall is chance given to people who seem to be on their way of loosing a chance to be free, a chance to end their journey. It is a way of making them cautious so that they do not let the wonderful opportunity go.

In the final stages, the soul is set free eternity. This spirit has not been purified, because there is no such thing as forces of evil and good, both forces are same. Not purified but learned. Learned the reason, the importance of trials, miseries and suffering in a mortal being. This spirit has at times during its journey succumbed as well as has resisted temptation. It has sinned and healed. It is now free from the vicious cycle, for it has realised all its duties and fulfilled its responsibilities. The spirit now is not perfect. Nobody is perfect in the whole universe, not even it, the Power, the one you call God. But its imperfections is not derived from evil or sin, but from being incapable of controlling his own creation. The creation of the Karmic force that controls the whole existence of human race and of beings spread out in the universe. It is such a strong force that even the Power cannot break it.

The only way out is self-realisation by the mortals, if they are aware of the reason they are on earth, they will be free.

And to help humans realise this, time and again, the free spirits have reincarnated themselves and entered into Earth. They are not a part of the journey, they are not again trapped in to the giant wheel. They are of their own free will. They come to show the way. They come as Moses, as Krishna, as Jesus, as Buddha, as the Mohammed and as Swami Harishchandra. They come to help people realise the never-ending trap of Karma. A trap which only a human can break.

Arun has been here too long. And he is showing signs of ripening.

The power, a.k.a. God, does not have a gender. It is it, not he or she. It is the nucleus of all that is. And from this nucleus of energy comes forth life. The power has no control over its creation, none at all. It cannot destroy things, it can only create. It created the earth and its habitants, each free of its own will. There was no evil , there was no good. Over centuries people defined their own definitions of good and evil. Killing a human was evil, but killing an animal to consume its flesh was acceptable. These men-defined parameters set a precedent and became laws of the land. The power then created Karma to ensure that every being has experienced the joy and misery, has learnt from his mistakes and spread the good within him.
The Karmic force was to ensure the cleansing of the soul as it traversed through centuries and lives. It was like a nuclear reaction, one begets the other. And same was with Karma. This force was set free into the universe and then there was no escape. After spirits entered into humans they forgot their past lives, made the same mistakes and were caught in the same cycle forever and ever. The power deprived the mortal being of past memory to ensure that the journey is self-realising from free will and not from fear of past life and the Karmic cycle. After all, it had set everybody free in the universe, so why steal that right from a mortal being?

And since then the whole universe is trapped in a never-ending cycle travails. A few spirits become free. Call it salvation or moksha, it is the freedom from this Karmic cycle to explore new realms. Some reach it by their self-less deeds, some by enlightenment. But once a spirit is free, it stays in the spirit world, coming back from time to time in the physical realm, to help people realise. But here also Karma restricts these free spirits like Jesus, Buddha and Mohammad . All of them forget about their past lives, their mission. All they have is an insatiable urge to seek fulfilment in non-materialistic pleasures. Of being one with the supreme. And in this desire of truth , they travel in spiritual treasure hunt, and they are not alone, they attract towards them hordes of other such people who need someone to show them a way. Just like the Swami is showing the way to Arun.

And it is here a folly occurs, each of these free spirits,now due to their past life amnesia interpret the Power in their own way. They give him a gender, a name, they write scriptures of words the Power never said. They feel as they are being spoken to by the "Divine" and they put into writing the words that their own sub-conscience churns up, but they do not realise this, and the scriptures are handed down from generations to generations, with its endemic fallacy being sown into fertile minds, which reap a good harvest of bigots after a few years.

The search for god is a never-ending one, and if you ask me it is futile. No one has seen the power and no one will. All that is, is right here, on this planet, we decide our future by our present. Each one of you will leave the mortal being you reside in, one day, and will move onto another. And you will continue this journey until you find the road that takes you to your final destination, till then you are a part of this maze, but you, can and will, find the way out. Just as Arun is doing.

This brings us back to where we started, with Arun in the hall.

All eyes are on Arun , especially after he said that he had met god. Yes , there is pin drop silence in the Hari Baba hall in Bombay.

" I was taking my morning walk in Shivaji Park and I was thinking of all the hard times that I have been through in my life" Arun said in his soft voice "I felt resentment towards my fate, towards me , and towards the unseen entity who set me on this course" saying this he looked down towards his legs with his hands resting heavily on the pulpit. "I was displeased because I did not have those people in my life whom I loved. I was very angry...and when I sat down on the park bench I noticed the two kids throwing stones at the branch of a tree. When I observed closely , I saw they were aiming at a bird’s nest, trying to get it down. I wanted to yell at them so that they might stop...but then I chose to be a mute spectator....and observe....finally after a few throws , one of the stones came hurtling down with the straw walled abode of the sparrow. The young boys ran over to the nest and tore it apart but were disappointed at finding neither eggs nor a baby sparrow. At that point they lost interest and left.... And I found God in the most unexpected places.." he felt the audience’s curiosity rising , and as if giving the finale to a long running show, the final stroke of a master piece, he leaned closer to the mic, and this time in a very soft voice he said "I found that I was God".... Some of the audience who understood his metaphoric connotation smiled at the realisation of such a pervasive fact. The others appeared shocked, such a belligerent statement, such arrogance!

"I looked at the straws that were scattered all over the place, and the boys who were walking away from the nest and towards me, the boys were not the villains of the story, they were not the evil forces from the castle in Pennsylvania, theirs was a childhood prank that gave them happiness. They were too young to realise the cruelty in it. And there I was , just like god. Looking at a house being destroyed, an incident I could have averted if I had only raised my voice and thus discouraging the kids, but I didn’t. I just let the scene unfold, watching with great curiosity the acts of the kids, the triumph of brute force over helpless creatures who were even unable to register a protest to their oppressors. And I just let it go.. ...just like God....who knows ..maybe when the birds were chirping they were calling out my name...pleading me to save them...I just did not listen...." Each and every person in the hall was all ears for Arun, it was not only what he was saying, but also the way he said it. Just something he had caught from the swami, of talking with the hands, face and eyes as well as the mouth. His hands would circle in the air when he talked intensely about his feelings, he would glide his flat palm in the air when he described the creatures of the skies, his hands had a very vast vocabulary, they described things for people, people who would follow his hands and expressions more than his story.

"Barely had 20 minutes past and I saw the sparrow building a new nest....it had put the disaster behind it and started life anew. It did not cry, it did not curse and it did not despise any divine creature, or me, for its fate. It just went on with its life, ,starting from the scratch, without and anger.....it did not look up the skies and shout at someone up there...it did not ask him questions about why it was being subjected to such a cruel fate...it was assiduously building its new home....and I immediately realised the source of its unique actions and strength.....it does not its life and actions according to any scriptures...it does not rely on the mercy of God...yes it does not believe in god......it does not need a god....its better off without it.....so different from us humans....we always cringe about our fate to god...to the god whom our scriptures have personified for us, whom our mothers and grandmothers have placed on a pedestal too high to reach and displace them form....and we have given them names..and we pray to those names in our prayers..and seek blessings...seek mercy.....and whatever good comes our way we thank the person on the pedestal...we undermine ourselves and our efforts.... And when misfortune befalls we pray to god again for mercy..when there is nothing he can do......whatever has to be done...has to be done by us....just like the sparrow we have to build a nest....straw by straw.....put the past behind us....so look for strength inside you....there is god in you...you are god...each one of you....you are god of your own destiny,of your success, your failures...believe in yourself...not him....lead yourself...pray to your self...your body is your temple...keep it holy in your way....it doesn’t belong to anyone......just you....so remember when you leave this hall today....remember you are god...and if you find it hard to believe.....it shouldn’t be....for so many years you believed in a god you have never seen,never heard....so believe in the new god...whom you can see and hear anytime you want too....one who will always be there for you....go ...become a god and create your own destiny!!" with this Arun backed off from the pulpit letting people know he was done.....and the hall roared with the sound of claps and cheers.

------------------------------------

Arun Bhatt had transformed so much. He had travelled miles in his spiritual journey and ever since he met the Swami he felt comfortable, secure and in control of his life. The Swami taught him how to take control of his own life, how to be his own god.

When Aarti passed away in ’99 Arun was a broken man. He still saw the last day in his dreams, they were all dreams for him, he did not believe in nightmares anymore. He was about step out of his Maruti Esteem, when his cell phone rang, the caller ID flashed his house number....

" Arun ?" It was his Mom,

"Yes Ma?"

"Come home Son...Come home.." saying this she broke off...and the Arun could only hear the dial tone now as she had hung up.

Driving down in a fanatic way he knew what had happened. He imagined himself going home to find Aarti laying still in her bed....then maybe she was just unconscious and his Mom was wrong...but then the nurse was there...she knows the difference....all these thoughts were crossing Arun’s mind. He remembered the day he proposed to Aarti, it was a wonderful day at the beach restaurant in Mazgaon, The Horizon, Arun and Aarti had been courting each other for 10 months and with each day their love had just gone stronger. Arun always made Aarti laugh, she knew with Arun around it was never going to be a dull moment. They met at a dance class, and soon enough they had danced their way into each other’s heart. Aarti had no interest in the Share and Stock business , but she would always ask Arun about it just to let him know she did care about his career. But she loved him, she loved how full of life he was, how vibrant his personality was, and she loved the corny jokes he told her all the time.

Even his marriage proposal was unique. "Aarti" he said as she sipped her favorite mocktail Virgin Mary "You know how every day I give tons of tips to investors everyday" He continued as she nodded in agreement " I think you are a potential investor" at this Aarti strained her eyebrows in surprise "Yes, you are a potential investor" said Arun registering the surprise in her face " And I suggest you invest all you have in my heart, for this is the only risk-free investment I can suggest to you". Aarti’s approval was a big laughter, that got attention from other people in the restaurant. But she did not care. And she did make that investment ,one that she was proud of till her last days. Yes I know it, she was very proud of it.

On the eve of her marriage she called him up

"Arun , I am so nervous, Are you?"

"Yes I am too, but hey its inexperience, in my next marriage I will be confidence personified"

"Second marriage..my foot" said Aarti in an animated anger " You can’t marry again till I die"

"I ‘ll. wait Aarti" said Arun laughing

"It will be a long wait sweetheart!" she replied as she joined him in his laughter.

It wasn’t a long wait after all, at least not as far as Aarti’s death was concerned.

The door to his apartment was already open and he ran straight into the room, Dr.Kumar was there along with Dr.Mategaonkar. His mom was sitting on the corner of the bed weeping and Aarti lay there with her eyes closed. Arun’s eyes frantically searched for movement of her physical being; But there was none.

Aarti’s lifeless body was draped in the night gown she was sleeping in. "She went away so quietly, in her sleep.....never disturbed anybody....." His Mom broke off as she rested her head on Aarti’s hand. Arun stood perturbed not wanting to believing what had happened, he waited for a sign, his vision was getting hazier by the second as tears formed on the edge of his eyes ready to bear testimony of the hurt inside. Dr. Mategaonkar’s firm grip on Arun’s arm brought him back to the real world, the world where only one possibility existed. Arun gazed into Dr. Mategaonkar’s eyes and there was no need for words. Tears had made their way out of their cocoons on both faces, the inevitable had finally happened. Prayers had failed, God had failed ; Death took the spoils.

"Do you want to come for dinner tonight?"

" No Mom, I am sort of busy" replied Arun

"Arun, its been over a month now....you..."

"Mom, it has nothing to do with Aarti, okay?..."

"Then what is it about son? Remember when your father passed away you told me that I had to carry on...."

"Mom I am carrying on, am I not? Do I not work everyday?"

"Arun don’t do things just to escape from your past....."

"Now when did working become an escape? I worked when Aarti was here..."

"And when Aarti was here you came for dinner every Sunday....."

"Okay ..... I will be there by 8"

----------------

" So you were made in God’s image?" said the Swami as his eyes pranced like a child searching for a playmate in a large field. This was the first time Arun was seeing him in flesh and blood. Vishal, Arun’s childhood friend with whom Arun had been in touch more often after Aarti’s demise, managed to get front row seats for the discourse. "Then it means that your God is a leper....maybe he is Lame....maybe blind....maybe deaf...." The Swami continued swaying his hands like a conductor in front of a Philharmonic orchestra. "But the scriptures tell us of God’s living as kings, businessmen, able bodied healers who gathered followers where ever they went ....no they never had any physical disabilities, never, so how can we say we were created in God’s own image?.... And why are people born with these disabilities? Why do people die of diseases? Why?" The last few words sent a shiver down Arun’s spine, this was a question he had been asking for a long time.

"Some people accept their shortcomings as God’s plan because it so simple to do that, it is better to fit these questions into century old answers rather than search for logical conclusions. You are Gods.....all of you are your own Gods......you decide your own destiny....It is your wish to sit here and listen to me and it will be you who decides whether or not leave this hall....You, not God..... in every walk of life you make your choices....Not him. You decide your fate by what you do now. You spend recklessly today and you will be penniless tomorrow, you decide your fate for your next life by the way you live this one...... Remember the popular adage "What goes around comes around"? That is it, it surmises all there is in the universe. Einstein said that Energy in the universe is always constant...so is life....you never die.....you just leave your mortal remains and come back to another...."

------------------------------

After the discourse Arun met the Swami in the park outside.

Arun told the Swami about what happened in his life.

" I talk to my God everyday, every minute" the Swami continued looking straight into Arun's eyes, and Arun could feel the probing glare that he had first seen seven years ago on a TV channel. " I am speaking to my God right now, you Arun, are my God". Arun let off a little giggle not sure whether this was a joke or the Swami really meant it. When the Swami did not reciprocate his little giggle Arun felt uncomfortable, embarrassed, that he did not grasp the gist of the mystic's words.

"Yes Arun , You are my God" said the Swami with a reassuring smile "My religion is humanity, and my God is everything that lives , has feelings and expresses them in whatever way. We humans always look up there, to the man upstairs, and want him to end our misery and sorrow. But is he up there? Why shouldn’t we help ourselves and stop depending on a person who does not even care for us. Where is he now? Where was he when you needed him , Arun? I know you called on him in the temples, the churches and the mosques. Did he come ? Did he bail you out of your dilemma? Answer me Arun , Where was your God then and where is he now? ".

" I feel like I have been cheated by God" Said Arun

"No. You have cheated your self. God cannot cheat you because there is no God. You have let yourself into believing the words written centuries ago....."

"If there is no god what are we all looking for?"

"Moksha. Salvation. We are all searching for a way out of the mortal journey. Move into the place where time does not exist, a place which is now where yet everywhere. It is all in your hands Arun, and do not blame anybody for your fate.....you decided this fate in your previous life...."

"But I do not remember anything" said an exasperated Arun vehemently denying any wrong doing.

"That is the key....nobody will remember....no one. For if you did you will live your life in fear of what lies ahead, and do things that you won’t do naturally. It is important that we forget everything."

"Was it her Karma or mine that she went away?"

"Both. It was both of you Arun."

Months breezed away and Arun found himself ideologically and spiritually in tune with the Swami. He became actively involved in the Insaniyat movement. His work was affected a bit but he did not seem to care now. His mother was happy for him although she did not approve wholly with him denouncing the holy scriptures.

Arun found himself waking up in his bed , his body covered with sweat. It was a dream, a bad one. He had never had nightmares before, not even as a kid and this one really frightened him. Probably must have been some movie he had seen. He could not recall any.

Six hours later Arun was in the presence of the Swami.

"Do you think it has something to do with me?"

"Arun, dreams are the best psycho-analysts and sometimes the best prophets. Your sub-conscious stores information from time and places that you will never recall. Your dream is trying to tell you something. Listen".

"But I cannot understand anything."

"Patience Arun, everything will be revealed."

The whole day Arun was beside himself. His heart was not on the article by Arshad Mohta in The Financial Express about the entry of 10 new multi-national companies. He was trying to figure out what his dreams were telling him.

Soon it was past mid night and he was not able to sleep. Although , he eagerly wanted to sleep hoping to unravel this mysterious dream of his. He even tried counting the sheep as they jumped over the fence but it did not work. Then he started thinking of Aarti, and he immediately realised how empty his bed was, why the bed , in fact how empty his life was.

The thoughts of Aarti carried him away to the land of reverie. This time the vision was less blurry and he knew for sure that the figures that were prominent in the mist were humans. And these figures were his bullet’s destination. Everything else was the same. He again heard that husky voice screaming from behind in a weird language. A gun shot , jerk in the shoulder, puff of smoke, screams of agony and pain. Amidst this chaos Arun again found himself in his bed exactly as the night before.

"Humans. For sure they were humans and I was killing them" Arun recounted to the Swami at his Ashram .

" Arun.... There is something that you have to know and it is being revealed to you slowly....the picture is being painted stroke by stroke, do not fret, let the artist complete his picture."

"Swami, you know what that means...don’t you....please tell me what lies ahead for me...is this a bad sign?"

" Arun ....wait for the Artist to complete his picture....there are things that are better left untold before the time is right...soon enough you will know"

Arun kept looking at the Swami who had his eyes closed all the time. He was seated in a meditating position with the smile transfixed on his face.

The end of the barrel that rested on Arun’s right cheek was even colder this time. The mist was gone, his vision was clear, only the sound was missing. There was a vacuum all around. He was in the same position as on the previous two occasions. His right eye was closed so as to aid the bullet to find its target accurately. As he lifted his gaze from the tip of the barrel towards what were figures in the mist a couple of days ago, he saw 4 men standing side by side holding hands. Beside them were two men lying on the ground covered in blood.

These men were of different age groups but they shared something in common. A long beard. They stood there naked, staring back at Arun with eyes that showed everything but fear. Arun opened his right eye thus enabling himself with a larger peripheral vision. From the corner of his eye he spotted a flag wavering in the wind. It had a Swastika on it. Leaning on the flag pole was a white man dressed in army attire. His blue eyes stared back at Arun in bewilderment.

A firm grip on his left shoulder made him turn around revealing a huge white man with a pointed nose and hazel-blue eyes. Somewhere in his early forties he was dressed in an army uniform more fanciful than of the guy Arun saw moments ago. He was saying something, probably screaming, but it was all vacuum for Arun. The man’s big jaw bone moved up and down vigorously as he hollered at Arun. Then he took out a pistol and shot in the direction Arun was aiming at earlier.

Now only three men stood there.

"What do you think it means?" asked the Swami in his calm soothed voice.

" In the dream I was definitely a soldier, a Nazi soldier, in a ....probably...concentration camp....."

"Yes, go on"

"And I was shooting at ....."Arun broke off and after a brief pause he continued " Swami, do you think ......maybe....this is my .....past life.....do you think I was.....a Nazi soldier?"

"And do you think that is possible Arun?"

" It does explain my.....my life.....is it my Karma Swami? Is this why I have to endure the pain in this life?"

"Arun ,my child, your question are in itself the answers" .

"So I was a Nazi in my previous life and I am repaying for my deeds.....then why did Aarti have to die? I should be the one to go."

"Arun, sometimes living is more painful than death itself."

" Swami am I nearing the end of my journey? " asked Arun in a very circumspect voice.

"As I said Arun, Your questions give the answers."

"Why do you talk like this Swami? Why don’t you just tell me what all this means and free me of the mental turmoil?"

"Arun, you are too close to realising the truth.....believe me...you can do it all by yourself...you do not need my help now."

Two days later a white Maruti 1000 car came speeding to the Ashram’s parking lot. Arun hurriedly got off the car and dashed inside. Outside the Swami’s cottage he was stopped by Vivek , the Swami’s caretaker.

"Arun bhai (Brother), the Swami is meditating"

"Vivek bhai, I have to see the Swami , right now , it is very urgent, believe me it is very important"

" I understand, but you know the Swami does not like to disturbed during his meditation"

" I know, I know. But this is so important that it just cannot wait, trust me , the Swami will understand this."

Suddenly the door of the cottage opened revealing the Swami. Vivek and Arun went quiet. The Swami smiled at Arun and said "You just could’nt wait".

Arun did not know whether the smile had a sarcastic connotation to it or not. Still he went ahead "Swami, I have to speak to you, this is very important".

"Come in" said the Swami as he turned back inside the cottage. The cottage was devoid of any furniture. There were small mats on the floor to seat individual guests and a red one for the Swami. As he sat on it the Swami spoke "This is the first time I can remember of me getting up from my meditation"

"I am so sorry Swami" said Arun as he sat on the small mat in front of the Swami "Swami, I came across a very strange fact."

"Let’s hear it then"

"According to my dreams I was a Nazi soldier in my life and I am reaping the villainous seeds I sowed back then, but here lies the uncanny connection. I was an Aryan in the past life and I am still an Aryan. I am a Bhatt, Kashmiri Pandit is my caste. And we are the descendants of the Aryans who migrated centuries ago from Europe across Afghanistan to India. Well all our mythological heroes and gods are addressed in the scriptures as Arya-Putra (Son of an Aryan)! We all, in India, use the Swastika, although our sign is not tilted like the Nazi’s and we have four dots, one below each line. Swami, I have been born again as an Aryan, only in a different land. Why? Is there a reason behind it? Is there a mission for me? Am I destined to do something?".

The Swami for the first time showed a furrowed brow. He was thinking hard. "Arun , this can also be a plain coincidence".

"Swami, it is such a blaring coincidence! In both of my lives I have been given the same heredity, there is something I am meant to do!"

"Arun, the realisation of a past life is a sign of the ripening of Karma. You are nearing the end of your journey. You are very close. Do not complicate things now, let it be the simple one you crave for."

"But after this....How can I ?."

" Arun the human mind is one which is always intrigued. It always wants to know more, it is never satisfied. Your mind is no exception, it is like the child to whom fire is an unknown commodity until he touches it. Don’t touch it Arun. Everyday will bring along millions of questions, but not each one of them needs to be answered. Some are better left alone. Arun, I always tell people to simplify. Do not get yourself entangled in intrigues of coincidences. Live a simple life Arun, ask questions but do not always expect an answer."

"But my mind appears as if it is going to blow off . There is a lot of things happening there.Who will answer my questions?."

"Time Arun. Everything is revealed. Believe in the God inside you and he will guide you."

"Swami, you sometimes confuse me more than my own mind does."

" Arun, the day you acquire patience all of your complaints will be gone. Instant gratification is not how the soul works. Self cleansing is not like washing clothes. This cleansing comes from years of pain, hardship and endurance."

"Swami, I feel I should explore my past. I want to get to know it better."

"Why do you want to do that? The past is gone. Forever, you cannot change."

"Swami I want to know where I came from. What I did when I was there."

"And how do you plan to do that?"

"I want to travel to Germany".

A statement like that might have got a big-mouthed "What" from anybody else , but the composed Swami in his calm way asked "And where will you go there? Who will you talk to?"

"I don’t know Swami, I need your help."

"Arun....now listen to me. If this dream came to you, there is a reason for it. Your sub-conscious is telling you tales from your past lives. Just let it do that, listen to it very carefully. Every story it tells you has moral in it. It wants you to know something. Arun let the days go by and the nights will bring you one step closer to all your answers..... I am convinced there are quite a few stories to come."

The Final Journey....

The day never seemed longer as Arun waited for the night to befall and be taken back to the place he had been before. Tossing and turning in his bed past midnight he still could not fall asleep, he was tempted to take sleeping pills but refrained himself. I watched him as he eagerly waited for the dreary feeling to whisk him away to slumber land, he was getting impatient. Patience was one thing Arun never had, just like the Swami said. Even I knew that.

An hour later, things were different. Arun’s body lay still in the bed but in his mind there was a hurricane of activities going on.

It seemed like watching a movie that was being fast forwarded. Everything was moving at a brisk pace. Then between intervals it would slow down considerably as if wanting to show Arun something important.

First glimpses were so fast that Arun was not sure but he knew there were a lot of people dressed similarly, probably army uniforms, were passing him by. Then he heard the train whistle, he was at a railway station. The pace was driving him mad then he felt himself turning around and everything slowed down. Almost like hitting the pause button on the VCR. He saw a man, in his early forties, waving goodbye with a smile on his face. His face exuberated pride with every wave. A tap on the shoulder made him turn around again, the turn was again immensely fast paced. Then again the moment froze. In front of him now stood a woman, probably of the same age as of the man, tears that had dwelled up her eyes fell making their way through the wrinkled under-eye skin. She kissed him on both cheeks and gave him a tight hug. Everything went hazy after that and the sound around him rose to a maddening level. Then all was quite again and when his vision was cleared he found himself seated in a train compartment and from the window he could see the couple on the platform. They were holding each other’s hands as they bade him goodbye with the other. As everything around him moved slowly he could see many others waving goodbye to their loved ones in the train. As the train pulled out he spotted a sign post reading the name of the town. DESSAU. His eyes then fell on the trunk he was carrying and on it was painted " Niklas Ackermann".

Everything again went hazy and going by the sound around he could decipher that there were a lot of activities going around him. Soon he found himself in the same place where he had used his gun. This time however the roles were reversed. He was standing in line with people dressed like him, in uniforms. And straight ahead were people in different army uniforms. Five of them had rifles pointed at him and his friends. He heard somebody shout "Shoot" and a puff of smoke appeared on the barrels of each rifle.

The noise brought Arun back to his bed in similar conditions as the nights before.

"The town’s name was Dessau" Arun told the Swami " I checked up the Atlas it is SouthWest of Berlin"

The Swami listened patiently as Arun recounted each and every detail of his dream.

"Swami, I need to know my past. It is calling me back, it wants me there."

" To each his own Arun, if you feel the truth is there for you, then you should go for you will not rest until you have done so."

"Swami I need help. You have followers in Germany, could you please ask someone to help me out.....I do not know German, I would need some help there."

The Swami smiled "You intrigue me Arun!"

"Swami please!" Arun pleaded

" Deepak Mehta lives in Berlin. He is in charge of our German chapter. I will contact him and hopefully he might help you out."

"Oh thank you! Thank you Swami!"

"Arun, your mind is like a turbulent sea. I hope you calm it down soon."

Arun found out through the internet that Ackermann meant farmer in German. He knew the town, he knew the name and now possibly the profession of his father.

Deepak Mehta was more than willing to help out Arun especially after the Swami’s phone call. He would meet Arun at the Airport and then take things from there. Arun was not well off financially as he neglected his business a little after Aarti’s death and his involvement with Insaniyat. He sold his car 3,00,000 Rupees and borrowed another 1,00,000 from his mom. The current exchange rate gave him just over 19,000 Marks. He believed that would be sufficient.

The only way he would be able to trace his roots was the telephone book and, if the officials were willing, through local government records.

He did not know why he was going. Arun was virtually flying by the seat of his pants as he sat at Bombay’s Sahar International Airport waiting to board his flight for London, and then to Berlin.

He was still prodding over the Swami’s last words "We take numerous journeys in life Arun, and we judge them by their destinations. If at the end you are happy you say the journey was a success. If not , then the journey was futile. But we overlook the most important part.....the journey itself. It is the path and not the destination that should be our goal. Arun, on your way observe, think and learn from what you experience. Only that, and not your destination, will give you peace of mind."

Arun wanted to know more about his past life. He wanted to see his family, maybe he had brothers and sisters who were still alive. But will they believe him? Probably not. But then maybe he might convince them, after all nobody travels across continents just to play a prank.

Arun’s mother was very worried. He told her about his dreams and the reason he was going to Germany. She was not convinced it was the right idea but she knew she had to let him go.

He was always a restless child. Always pacing around till he found the answer.

The flight was on time. He watched Bombay disappear below the clouds as his plane soared high in the sky. Before long he fell asleep.

He found himself sitting on a chair inside a tent. No one was around. The sun was shining bright outside as it was pretty bright inside without any lights. He was writing in what appeared to be a diary, but he could not understand the language. His hands flowed smoothly although he was not too impressed with his writing.

Everything went hazy again and he found himself in the same position as his in his last dream, before the firing squad. Some one said "Shoot" ; smoke; noise. Everything went black again. He heard a child cry, sounded like a new born. As the blackness gave way to clarity he saw in front him in a cradle a small child, probably a week old. And beside the cradle was a bed. On that lay a Indian woman, the mother of the child. And this was not an assumption, for he knew the woman, he knew her very well.

From behind him came a familiar voice "So Sushmita, how is our daughter doing?" and it was followed by a chuckle that Arun had heard many times. The lady in the bed looked towards the child and said "My Aarti is probably hungry now".

The pilot’s voice on the speaker announcing their arrival in London woke up Arun.

"Hello Swamiji"

"Ah....Arun !"

"Swami I am calling from London, Swami you were right . I found the answer in my journey"

"So now you know where you came from ?"

"No, but I know why Aarti had to go away"

After 10 hours Arun boarded the first available flight to Bombay.

And I will wait. I have made my way out of my tedious journey. I have cleansed my soul through the trials and tribulations I experienced in my last life. I paid for my sins. And now I am free. I sowed what I reaped. The pain of being childless and helplessness of being a Cancer patient were nothing compared to being Arun’s wife. And now my soul is free. And soon enough Arun will be free. He has been here long enough, now its time for him to come home.

Faraway in Bombay a TV set displayed the well known face of TV News Anchor Puneet Sood. "Welcome to the Evening news on Channel 6. The main story of the day.....A tragic Air Crash of High Skylines aircraft has been reported.......The plane was coming from London to Bombay.....250 passengers have been reportedly killed ....98 of them being Indians...."