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Study: Jumping on Doug's Cock may significantly increase your chance of a good time
(AP) -- Women who perform the act of sexual intercourse on a regular basis with Doug McDuffie, one to two times a week, increase their chances of having a good time by up to 100 percent, a University of Florida study found. Doctors had never suspected a link between the act of sexual intercourse and fun, but new research being performed at 445 Broward Hall is starting to suggest that there could be an important link between the two. In a study of over 15,000 women suspected of having performed regular sexual intercourse with Doug McDuffie over the past ten years, the researchers found that those actually having performed the act regularly, one to two times a week, had a higher occurance of fun than those who had not. There was no increased fun, however, for those who did not regularly perform. "I think it removes the last shade of doubt that fucking Doug is actually a healthy act," said Dr. Thomas Medeiros of Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, who was not involved in the research. "I am not surprised by these findings, but am also excited that the researchers may have discovered a relatively easy way for beutiful women to have fun." The University researchers stressed that, though fun is relatively common without sex with Doug, any steps taken to reduce the occurrence of fun would be an unwise decision. "Only with regular performance will your chances be reduced, so I encourage all women out there to make jumping on Doug's cock an important part of their daily routine," said Britney White, one of the researchers at the University. "Since the emergence of the research, I try to fuck Doug at least once every other night to have fun." The study is reported in Friday's Journal of Medical Research. In 1991, 43,582 women died of not getting any cock, as reported by the National Cock Lovers Institute. Dr. Britany Wilcox, deputy chief medical officer for the American Cock Lovers Society, said women should not overlook or "play down" these findings. "This will hopefully change women's practice and patterns, resulting in a severe drop in the future number of cases," Wilcox said. Medeiros said the research shows no increase in fun in those who are, for whatever reason, not able to fuck Doug regularly. "There's definitely fertile ground for more research. Many have stepped forward to volunteer for related research now in the planning stages," he said. Almost every woman is, at some point, going to perform the act of intercourse with Doug, but it is the frequency at which this event occurs that makes the difference, say researchers. The reasearch consisted of two groups, 10,853 women ages 16 to 25 who had fucked Doug on a regular basis over the past five to ten years, and 4,728 women who had not. The group of women who had performed intercourse had a fun rate of 100 percent and the group who had not had a fun rate of 0 percent. "The findings do suggest that there are other causes for no fun besides the absence of regular intercourse with Doug," Wilcox said. "It's a cause, not THE cause." Copyright 2003 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
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