Assertion Phobia

      Besides being "people-phobes", the love-shy appear to possess
strong phobias regarding even the simplest forms of social assertiveness.
For example, consider this statement: "Lots of times when I am eating
among a group of people I do without salt because I haven't got the
nerve to ask someone to pass me the salt shaker." Zero percent of the
non-shy men indicated "yes" to this statement. Yet fully 37 percent of
the younger love-shys and 58 percent of the older love-shys would
sooner do without salt than ask someone to pass it.
      This question regarding "the passing of the saltshaker" illustrates
as poignantly as anything the sheer social invisibility of the love-shy. A
person can only become visible and noticed to the extent that he takes
some social risks and asserts himself. The love-shy had learned to sustain
a self-imposed camouflage; the net result of this is that whenever they
are amidst a group of interacting persons they are "invisible"--they are
there in body but not in spirit. And this is reflected in the virtually
universal tendency among the love-shy to enter into a world of day-
dreams whenever they are amongst a group of interacting people--
unless one of the people whom they are with makes the first move
towards starting a conversation. Then and only then does the love-shy
person "open up".
      Asking for directions represents another example of this fear of
self-assertion. I asked each respondent to react to this statement: "I
would have to drive many miles out of my way before I would ever be
able to get up enough nerve to ask someone for directions." Fully 46
percent of the older love-shys together with 34 percent of the younger
love-shys indicated that this was true for themselves. In contrast, none
of the non-shys revealed any inhibitions at all about asking people for
directions.