Enlightened Self-Control versus Shyness

     Unfortunately, there are many influential people around who do not think
love-shyness is a very important problem.  In fact, some people even view shyness
as a good thing.  For example, some view love-shyness as a kind of healthy yoke, 
tying teenagers and young adults down to the everyday rigors of homework and study.
Some people even view love-shyness as a blessing in disguise.  They believe that if
love-shyness can help to keep young people serious about preparing well for their
futures, studying hard, and not getting prematurely pregnant, etc., then this "alleged
problem" is really much more of an asset than a liability.   Particularily in today's
increasingly free sexual atmosphere, many parents and teachers wish that
love-shyness would become a great deal more commonplace than it is now.
     In essence, many people fear freedom and choice.  Indeed, many people believe
that humanity is not sufficiently evolved as yet for its members to be able to responsibly
handle very much freedom of choice--hence, the proliferation in the popularity of very
strict, fundamentalistic religious organizations.
     What such parents and teachers fail to realize is that there is a very big difference
between enlightened self-discipline and love-shyness.  In fact, love-shyness is the very
opposite of self-control.  The shy person cannot make choices.  The shy person lacks
the self-discipline and self control necessary for commanding his/her performance in
accordance with his/her internalized values and wishes.  Again, the shy person lacks
free choice and self-determination.  He or she is not in the driver's seat of his or her
own life.
     Simply put, declining to participate in certain kinds of heterosexual activity because
one deliberately and rationally chooses not to partake in them is perfectly healthy.  The
making of rational, well-planned decisions is a healthy sign in any person or age
group.  Choosing to behave in accordance with one's rationally internalized value
system is also a healthy sign.
     On the other hand, problems of a very serious nature inevetiably arise for those
who do not feel that they have any choice in the behavior that they pursue.  This is 
certainly the case for the love-shys who avoid many behaviors not because they have
chosen to avoid them, but because the fear of experiencing painful anxiety has
effectively blocked them from making and pursuing rational choices about their lives.  
It is certainly highly desirable for a person to establish values and goals.  But for the
severely love-shy person, the retaining of values and goals is often little more than an
intellectual exercise.  Again, the love-shy person is incapable of behaving in
accordance with many of his own chosen values and goals because the mere thought
of behaving in accordance with them arouses excruciatingly painful feelings of anxiety.
This is why in dealing with very shy people it is not possible to correctly infer values
and attitudes from observations of behavior.