Logical Fallacies
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: Solutions
Opening Story:

In the summer of 2005 I attended the annual district assembly of Jehovah's Witnesses here in Edmonton, Alberta. Darcy Harris gave a talk entitled, "Do Not Follow Artfully Contrived Stories". I made notes of this talk, which provides many examples of logical fallacies and manipulative language. I analysed this talk to practice spotting the ways I was being manipulated in to a particular way of action or thinking. I hate being manipulated. I do this type of analysis once in a while to sharpen my skills in discernment, and I habitually apply these principles when reading a Watchtower article.
Here's a link to my analysis

An unfortunate spinoff to my newly sharpened critical skills is I can't help analysing every appeal or call to action, including my poor pastor's sermons. Appeals to emotion don't work very well on me any more.

General comments from the talk,

It is ironic that a talk designed to warn the hearers away from propaganda is an excellent case study on how to manipulate an audience using strawman arguments, targetting and associating unlike groups as being dangerous, vague threats, and appeal to emotion. Certain words and phrases are repeated, "artfully contrived stories" and "propaganda". There are no specific guidelines given in the entire talk, however, on how to spot the propaganda. Instead, Higher Education, the Media, the Internet and Pornography are all lumped together as being under Satan's influence. Though not specifically mentioned, I believe this talk is priming the listeners to ignore critical information about the society. They are specifically warned away from from the Universities (possibly because of Critical Thinking courses), and the Internet (open and free exchange of information), without providing any evidence that these places are hotbeds for propaganda.

Context:

How do Jehovah's Witnesses make their arguments sound so convincing? Are they using logical fallacies and manipulative techniques to draw the audience and the reader to a desired course of action? None of us want to think that we are robots or puppets. Can you learn these techniques of manipulation?

Lots of other organizations and groups use manipulative techniques to influence their audience. We see an average of twelve commercials per television show. Not all of these sales attempts are sinister. I like milk, and I buy a new car every four years or so. Nevertheless, it is helpful to understand how these groups manage to influence you in a particular direction, so that you are not unduly influenced, and you maintain your autonomy.

Problem:

You may be witnessing someone being sucked in to the Jehovah's Witness arguments. Are they being "brainwashed", and if so, how is it being accomplished? You may be worried that you too may be drawn in to the JW thinking, against your will. When you understand how language is used to guide people in to a certain course of action, you will be able to defend, or inoculate yourself, against it's effects.

Forces:

Jehovah's Witnesses talks and literature use a predictable pattern of logical fallacies and manipulative language.

A person deep in Cognitive Dissonance is desperate for any reason to maintain their pattern of behavior. You may see some creative reasoning an excuses to defend their choices.

Elders, too, are experienced in drawing congregation members to a certain course of action.

The study leader will have warned their study partner that Satan and "worldly people' will be opposed to their newly discovered spirituality. You may not be able to defend yourself against what is said about you in your absence.


Essence of the Solution:

Take time to learn cricial thinking skills, including learning to spot Logical Fallacies. By learning how arguments are designed to manipulate the audience in to believing something that is illogical, you inoculate yourself against the argument. You are then free to choose to follow or to walk away from their chosen path for you.


More about the Solution:

You can practice locating logical fallacies by taking a section of Watchtower writing. You don't have to do the whole article at once. Take a small section of the article and analyse that.

1. First of all, read the article for key words or phrases.

Can you spot the manipulative language? (underline words or phrases like "should", "a reasonable person would" or "how do you feel"..with answer provided

Watch for words like "likely", "evidently". It means that the WTS is speculating and adding to the bible account.

Is the "carrot" mentioned (everlasting life on earth)?

Are code words and phrases used that have unique meaning for the JW- such as "True Christian" (only JW's), and "Conscience Matter" (an issue the JW must be careful to follow the direction of the Watchtower Society).

2. Are there any Logical Fallacies? Learn to spot illogical arguments. Here are some illogical arguments often seen in Watchtower articles:

Straw Man - an extreme example is given first and defeated. Then the article goes on to dismiss milder examples. For instance, an extreme example of bad reporting by the media is given, quickly followed by a statement that "media feed us lies".


Bait and Switch - the article starts out with a generally accepted religious principle, "Obey Christ" and ends with "Obey Jehovah's Organization."


3. Does the topic hint at the issues worrying the Watchtower Society (for instance, constant encouragement to settle offences may mean that this is a big issue for the organization)?

4. Look up all quotes. If they do not reference the author, try doing a googlegoogle search for the source. Are authors and bible verses quoted in context? Were they represented accurately?


Do other translations give another slant to the meaning?

Online searchable bibles:

www.blueletterbible.org

www.biblegateway.com

What was left out between the three dots?

5. Is there a setup for Cognitive Dissonance, for instance, mention of ambiguous hazard or ambiguous reward, so the reader will "fill in the blanks"?


Resulting Context:

Logical arguments can only take you so far. People have many reasons for doing what they do, many of them emotional. That's OK, recognize the forces that you and your loved ones are drawn by, and adapt to them.

Many people join the Jehovah's Witnesses for emotional reasons. Trying to point out the logical fallacies may push your listener in to increasingly illogical reasons for remaining. I explain these forces in my article on Cognitive Dissonance. You may need to address the emotional reasons that a JW is drawn to the Witnesses before you tackle the logical fallacies.

The JW's in turn accuse opposers of using "Artfully Contrived Stories" to draw converts away from the "truth". In the end, you will have to make up yuour own mind on who is trying to deceive and why.
In the head of the moment an experienced debater may sound more convincing than your best argument. You may have to be content to concede for the time being. Take a few days to mull over your opponent's arguments to find the holes.

Known Uses:

A side benefit to this new skill is that you will become a logical thinker not easily taken in by con artists, phone solicitors, activists, Multi-Level Marketing schemes, or politicians.

Logical Fallacies
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: Solutions
Opening Story:

In the summer of 2005 I attended the annual district assembly of Jehovah's Witnesses here in Edmonton, Alberta. Darcy Harris gave a talk entitled, "Do Not Follow Artfully Contrived Stories". I made notes of this talk, which provides many examples of logical fallacies and manipulative language. I analysed this talk to practice spotting the ways I was being manipulated in to a particular way of action or thinking. I hate being manipulated. I do this type of analysis once in a while to sharpen my skills in discernment, and I habitually apply these principles when reading a Watchtower article.
Here's a link to my analysis

An unfortunate spinoff to my newly sharpened critical skills is I can't help analysing every appeal or call to action, including my poor pastor's sermons. Appeals to emotion don't work very well on me any more.

General comments from the talk,

It is ironic that a talk designed to warn the hearers away from propaganda is an excellent case study on how to manipulate an audience using strawman arguments, targetting and associating unlike groups as being dangerous, vague threats, and appeal to emotion. Certain words and phrases are repeated, "artfully contrived stories" and "propaganda". There are no specific guidelines given in the entire talk, however, on how to spot the propaganda. Instead, Higher Education, the Media, the Internet and Pornography are all lumped together as being under Satan's influence. Though not specifically mentioned, I believe this talk is priming the listeners to ignore critical information about the society. They are specifically warned away from from the Universities (possibly because of Critical Thinking courses), and the Internet (open and free exchange of information), without providing any evidence that these places are hotbeds for propaganda.

Context:

How do Jehovah's Witnesses make their arguments sound so convincing? Are they using logical fallacies and manipulative techniques to draw the audience and the reader to a desired course of action? None of us want to think that we are robots or puppets. Can you learn these techniques of manipulation?

Lots of other organizations and groups use manipulative techniques to influence their audience. We see an average of twelve commercials per television show. Not all of these sales attempts are sinister. I like milk, and I buy a new car every four years or so. Nevertheless, it is helpful to understand how these groups manage to influence you in a particular direction, so that you are not unduly influenced, and you maintain your autonomy.

Problem:

You may be witnessing someone being sucked in to the Jehovah's Witness arguments. Are they being "brainwashed", and if so, how is it being accomplished? You may be worried that you too may be drawn in to the JW thinking, against your will. When you understand how language is used to guide people in to a certain course of action, you will be able to defend, or inoculate yourself, against it's effects.

Forces:

Jehovah's Witnesses talks and literature use a predictable pattern of logical fallacies and manipulative language.

A person deep in Cognitive Dissonance is desperate for any reason to maintain their pattern of behavior. You may see some creative reasoning an excuses to defend their choices.

Elders, too, are experienced in drawing congregation members to a certain course of action.

The study leader will have warned their study partner that Satan and "worldly people' will be opposed to their newly discovered spirituality. You may not be able to defend yourself against what is said about you in your absence.


Essence of the Solution:

Take time to learn cricial thinking skills, including learning to spot Logical Fallacies. By learning how arguments are designed to manipulate the audience in to believing something that is illogical, you inoculate yourself against the argument. You are then free to choose to follow or to walk away from their chosen path for you.


More about the Solution:

You can practice locating logical fallacies by taking a section of Watchtower writing. You don't have to do the whole article at once. Take a small section of the article and analyse that.

1. First of all, read the article for key words or phrases.

Can you spot the manipulative language? (underline words or phrases like "should", "a reasonable person would" or "how do you feel"..with answer provided

Watch for words like "likely", "evidently". It means that the WTS is speculating and adding to the bible account.

Is the "carrot" mentioned (everlasting life on earth)?

Are code words and phrases used that have unique meaning for the JW- such as "True Christian" (only JW's), and "Conscience Matter" (an issue the JW must be careful to follow the direction of the Watchtower Society).

2. Are there any Logical Fallacies? Learn to spot illogical arguments. Here are some illogical arguments often seen in Watchtower articles:

Straw Man - an extreme example is given first and defeated. Then the article goes on to dismiss milder examples. For instance, an extreme example of bad reporting by the media is given, quickly followed by a statement that "media feed us lies".


Bait and Switch - the article starts out with a generally accepted religious principle, "Obey Christ" and ends with "Obey Jehovah's Organization."


3. Does the topic hint at the issues worrying the Watchtower Society (for instance, constant encouragement to settle offences may mean that this is a big issue for the organization)?

4. Look up all quotes. If they do not reference the author, try doing a googlegoogle search for the source. Are authors and bible verses quoted in context? Were they represented accurately?


Do other translations give another slant to the meaning?

Online searchable bibles:

www.blueletterbible.org

www.biblegateway.com

What was left out between the three dots?

5. Is there a setup for Cognitive Dissonance, for instance, mention of ambiguous hazard or ambiguous reward, so the reader will "fill in the blanks"?


Resulting Context:

Logical arguments can only take you so far. People have many reasons for doing what they do, many of them emotional. That's OK, recognize the forces that you and your loved ones are drawn by, and adapt to them.

Many people join the Jehovah's Witnesses for emotional reasons. Trying to point out the logical fallacies may push your listener in to increasingly illogical reasons for remaining. I explain these forces in my article on Cognitive Dissonance. You may need to address the emotional reasons that a JW is drawn to the Witnesses before you tackle the logical fallacies.

The JW's in turn accuse opposers of using "Artfully Contrived Stories" to draw converts away from the "truth". In the end, you will have to make up yuour own mind on who is trying to deceive and why.
In the head of the moment an experienced debater may sound more convincing than your best argument. You may have to be content to concede for the time being. Take a few days to mull over your opponent's arguments to find the holes.

Known Uses:

A side benefit to this new skill is that you will become a logical thinker not easily taken in by con artists, phone solicitors, activists, Multi-Level Marketing schemes, or politicians.

Dress for the Hall
Mood:  flirty
Topic: Solutions
Opening Story:

My missionary friend had just come back from Mexico. We talked about the cultural differences and getting used to life in Canada. He noticed that he had to "pause and reflect" before he went outdoors. In Mexico, he never gave a thought to the weather before he went outside. I noticed that Mexicans require much less personal space. My missionary friend reflected while innocently cuddled side-to-side on a park bench. I love talking to friends from the tropics, too, because of my own homesickness for the West Indies.

The markets are so different than in Canada. You are expected to barter. When a white person enters the market, the prices rise in a wave before them. It is assumed that if you are a tourist, you can afford the markup. This was a problem for my missionary friend, a nordic blonde, as he was living as a native and had no more income than the people he was serving. He got in to the habit of bringing one of his native-born daughters along. As soon as his girls started chatting in the native dialect, the merchant relaxed. And relaxed the price.

People are more relaxed when they are with their own, an identifiable group. When you attend a gathering as an outsider, it helps to do what you can to "fit in". If you dress like a native, people you meet will likely be more relaxed and treat you more like their own kind. My first, dramatic, visit to a Kingdom Hall certainly bore this out. I'll give you the back story to set the scene.

I and my Jehovah's Witness husband had married months before, the culmination of a three-year courtship. While I was dating Art he had started studying with the Witnesses. He chose to keep our relationship a secret. He did try "testing the waters" a couple of times, confessing that he was dating a non-JW but each time he received a firm warning that scared him off from bringing it up again. So we married quietly, with my parents and my children, my granddaughter and the Justice of the Peace. After we were married I told my husband he had to come clean at the hall. I was tired of being treated like an embarrassing secret. He kept putting it off. The last time he'd brought it up, he lost two night's sleep over it. He had told the elders he'd prayed about it and was content to leave his fate in Jehovah's hands. The elders had replied, "What makes you think that Jehovah hears your prayers?" So we continued our early married life in limbo. He continued going to the Kingdom Hall, and I went to my church half a block away.

We were quickly heading for a collission, though. The elders were talking about granting my husband more responsibility. I warned Art that he would be deceiving these Elders and lying to the Holy Spirit if he continued in this lie. Still he put it off.


The final straw, I am ashamed to admit, came on a day I was a woman scorned, aggrieved and neglected. Art had put off my amorous advances that morning. Even though he knew I was a simmering cauldron of feminine misery, he chose that morning to pretend that I would peacefully let it pass, if he ignored me long enough. So I made my decision. I dressed carefully, did my hair up nicely, and put on a full application of war paint. I asked him to drop me off at church on his way to the hall, our regular pattern. He dropped me off at the rear entrance, pecked me on the cheek, and drove off to his own service. I watched him drive out of sight. Then I picked up my heels and trotted off to the Kingdom Hall myself. I walked in shortly before the service was to begin, located my husband, and sat myself beside him. The look on his face satisfied my burning desire for justice. He whispered furiously if I might sit somewhere else. "No way, I am your wife," I answered. In a panic, he ran to the back of the hall to request an emergency meeting with the elders. His moment of truth had come, the elders would know about me.

I came to this first Kingdom Hall meeting dressed to fit in, even though I was a complete stranger to the ladies there. During that first meeting a few ladies confided some of the local gossip, assuming I was the wife of the visiting speaker. I learned a lot about the plans to renovate the hall. Word was out within the week of course, and I never had such a candid conversation again. It was fun while it lasted.

Context:
When you do get together with the Jehovah's Witnesses, either at the Kingdom Hall or informal gatherings, dressing like them can help them relax, help them to be more open, and help you fit in.

Problem:
You don't want to be treated like "fresh meat" or a "worldly person" or even worse, a "pagan" when you first visit the Kingdom Hall.

Forces:
Your partner may also want you to "fit in" with the "clean living" members of the Kingdom Hall.
You may feel like rebelling at times - why do you have to conform? You don't of course, and there may be times that you choose to overtly rebel to preserve your individuality. If you treat the dressing up as a way to appease the natives, and not a reflection of your true nature, the dressing up can be made tolerable, even fun.

Jehovah's Witnesses are more relaxed when they are around people who dress and act like them.

Essence of the Solution:
To fit in at a JW gathering, dress conservatively, as if you were attending a business meeting or a funeral.

More about the Solution:
I have the advantage of having a full wardrobe that fits the JW standard for modesty. Their standards are very similaer to any evangelical church that bought in to the "holiness" movement in the seventies. For those of us who lived through it, Christians attempted to set themselves apart from the "world" by dressing differently than the "world". The holiness movement also affected makeup, reading, music, and recreation. The holiness movement inspired book burning, record burning, and measured skirt hemlines. I am certain the Jehovah's Witnesses got caught up in this movement as well, and though the rules are gone, there is still a strong standard for dress and appearance for both men and women. Also, Rutherford, the former president of the Watchtower Society, wished it's representatives to dress themselves in a clean and decent manner when presenting their literature at the doors. This tradition continues to this day.

Men:
Clean-shaven
Hair well trimmed above the collar
Suit or sports jacket with dress slacks
Dress shirt and tieTie
Dress shoes
Portfolio or suitcase
No: dreadlocks, tattoos, body piercing, "soul patch", beards, jeans, turtleneck sweaters, sneakers, hair coloring other than natural colors.

Women:
Hair - streaks OK, but no unnatural colors.
Makeup OK, modestly applied.
Dress, suit-dress, or blouse/sweater and skirt
Skirt, short slit only. Length below the knee is best.
Button collar one higher than you are used to.
Nylons, dress shoes
Usually don't bother with a hat or other formal head-covering.
No: dreadlocks, tattoos, body piercing, slacks/jeans/pants of any kind, sneakers, hair coloring other than natural colors.

Resulting Context:
Congregation members have gone so far to mildly accuse me of "fooling" them. As far as possible, be honest regarding your stand regarding the JW's. Your goal is to put them at ease, not to creep them out. If asked where I have come from, I usually respond, "My husband attends XXX congregation."
You may get fed up with fitting in,and have an overwhelming desire to express yourself. If you are at the point where individuality must express yourself, do it! Once in a while I wear slacks. Nothing terrible happens, I'm not expelled or anything. When I do wear slacks though, it does mark me as an "unbeliever", and I am treated more like "fresh meat" than "interesting stranger".
Your partner may demand that you fit in. I don't have this problem, as I usually dress conservatively anyways, and my husband is very accommodating. I always ask before we go if I look OK.

Known Uses:
Dress up for a visit to the Kingdom Hall, conventions and assemblies to keep the JW's at ease.

Can't Beat 'em
Mood:  a-ok
Topic: Solutions
Context:

Me and my husband, Art, are mature young lovers. Nearing our third anniversary, we have stayed together longer than either of our original marriages. We both have baggage; we can't help it. Baggage comes from living a full life. When Art falls in love, he tumbles completely. It takes years for him to recover from each failed love. So, besides the baggage, I live with the ghosts of these women of his, his past loves. I am comfortable with their memories, because I know he loves me as deeply and would fall as deeply if he ever lost me. I have him, they do not. There is one woman who I do consider a threat, Art still speaks of her fondly. But mostly to get my goat, I think. She's the rebound woman, and she is always available on a moment's notice. When Art teased me once about going back to her, I called him on it. "Sure, call her up for coffee, but I'm coming along." He swiftly scratched the idea, and I grinned. This one lady truly is "the other woman" in my husband's life. But she's only fun as long as his fantasy life with her stays separate from his real life with me. If we ever met, her fantasy pedestal would come crashing down. I would know, she would be real, and she would be just another randy woman. This is the strategy of "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em."

I've used the same strategy when dealing with the Watchtower Society. I go to the occassional meeting, and I've shaken hands with the people who strongly influence my husband's life. They know who I am, and I understand a bit of the workings of the society. The mystique is gone, they are simply a rather controlling magazine sales organization with a lot of wacky rules for their followers.

Problem:

As the "other woman" in your partner's life, the Watchtower Society sucks up more of your partner's attention, affection and time. More and more often, your partner consults "her" before any major decision. For the UBM wife, "she" is the other woman. For the husband, "she" is the mother-in-law. "She" is out there somewhere, your direct rival, but you can't attack "her" directly without sparking a huge war with your partner. How can you bring the Watchower Society out in the open so the two of you can deal with "her" in the open?

Forces:

• Your partner is investing more and more time, attention, and affection with the Watchtower Society.


• You are left out, as you are either uninterested or opposed to being converted.


• Your partner's life is becomingly increasingly divided between home life and "religious" life. You are being cut out of your partner's religious side of their personality.


• Your partner is showing signs of sneaking around and being secretive of his religious activities.


• The WTS will also be very interested in introducing yourself to their teachings, and may view you as a potential convert. Though you are disinterestly curious, you want to nip this idea on the bud.


• You may fear being "taken over" by a cultic personality against your will if you open yourself to any involvement.

Essence of the Solution:

Bring your partner's involvement with the WTS out of the mysterious and grounded in reality by inviting yourself along. Come to a few meetings, perhaps study yourself for a couple of weeks. Take a look for yourself, and comment freely to your partner on what you see. The WTS will lose some of it's mystique and attraction for your partner. By remaining involved, you are able to maintain some intimacy with the religious side of your partner.

More about the Solution:

Ask yourself along first to a Sunday Public Talk. To blend in, dress for the Hall. I suggest you remain standing until the talk begins. When I first visited I was approached by several smiling women, many who patted my arm or brushed my shoulder when passing. They may have been trying to convey warmth and friendship, or perhaps this behavior was peculiar to this hall. Nevertheless, I found this familiarity to be invasive. At that point I was a still stranger to them. By standing, I had the option to step away if someone invaded my personal space. My goal was to introduce myself, be warm and engaging in turn, but be firmly resistant to conversion. I wanted the congregation to know me as a person, and for me to get a sense of the character and behavior of the people who absorbed so much of my husband's time. When I was introduced to someone new, I smiled warmly, shook hands firmly, and gave them direct eye contact. Nearly everyone asked how I enjoyed the talk. I responded with vague non-committal humms. I removed the mystique, both for them and for me. Over time, I gradually reduced the number of visits. Again, I emphasized my firm resolve not to become a Jehovah's Witness myself.

Before you decide whether to study with a JW, ask yourself, do you know what you believe? Can you articulate to a stranger why you believe what you believe? If you have never explored your spiritual side before, don't let it be with a JW the first time! They are trained to present a neatly packaged and outwardly sensible religion. I recommend that you read my future articles on Logical Fallacies and Know your Bible before you engage an experienced Jehovah's Witness in a debate.

If you choose a book study, be prepared prior to the meeting. Read the brochure What does God Require of Us?" before they come over, and make notes of any logical fallacies and misuse of scriptures. If you are firmly resistant, the study won't last much beyond four or five weeks. JW's are equally frightened of being "sucked in", and will close down the study if their worldview is directly threatened. If you are outwardly compliant, the study may go on for some time. At some point you are going to have to start seriously questioning some of their doctrines. As soon as that happens, your study partner will do their best to deflect those questions for "later", or suggest that maybe you are not "ready" to accept their teachings. It is highly unlikely that you will be able to convert your study partner with your point of view. The best you can hope for is to sow some seeds of doubt for them to mull over in the years to come.

There are several events in my JW husband's life I would not miss out on. These events are labored over by the new convert, and when they succeed, the congregation provides plenty of enthusiastic support. Don't be left out, go along. Show your encouragement and support as well, even if you are opposed to the conversion. This way, you maintain some intimacy with the religious side of your partner, preventing rifts in thought and feeling. First, I would attend the baptism. Second, I would attend at least your partner's first Theocratic Ministry School public performance.

Another idea deserves mention. If you try it, let me know how it works. My husband's book study group has an assigned "treat night" once a month. My friend suggested I send along baking as a way of showing my normal side and to endear myself to the group. I noticed often the tray was returned, untouched. I don't know if it was plain rudeness in this group, hatred of home baking, or their own fear of "cookie demons" from a "worldly person", but I was too insulted to keep up a tradition.

Resulting Context:
By staying involved, you may fear being "sucked in" yourself. To prevent this from happening, make sure your own religious foundation is well-established. Explore your own religious beliefs. Could you explain what you believe to a stranger and why?

The Kingdom Hall will lose some of its mystique for you when you visit. Meetings are really rather dull. No demons will come out of the wall and suck your soul out. By removing the WTS mystique, you will have a more realistic view of it's influence and it's power over your partner's life.

Some of the fun of being a JW may be that it is a statement of individuality by your partner. There is a bit of mystique attached to sneaking off to three meetings a week. Alternatively, you may have been built up by your partner to his new found friends as a harridan, firmly opposed to your partner's new religious zeal. Remove the mystique, remove the fun. Challenge your partner if they resist you going along. Ask them why it bothers them so much. Go anyways. If they crave independence, suggest they take up golfing instead.

The Jehovah's Witnesses will be thrilled you are coming for a visit. JW's always welcome potential converts. Their disappointment will show itself later when they figure out you are not easy. When you stop attending regularly, likely you will be asked about at the meeting. Your partner will be asked, "Where is xxx? I missed xxx at the meeting." If your partner comes home with this message, tell them to convey to the well-wisher that they can call you any time to go for coffee. Likely they won't. If you're not a potential study, you are not worthy association.

Known Uses:

Remove barriers of intimacy between you and your partner by involving yourself a bit with their religious side.

Eliminate the secrecy and sneaking around (if any of this has started).

Be a Tugboat
Mood:  suave
Topic: Solutions

Context:

I remember the day it hit me how dangerous the Watchtower Society can be. I had stumbled on some research on the ways the WTS socially isolates it's members, and retains it's members by manipulation and deceit. I was overwhelmed with sadness. What had my husband gotten himself in to? Could he ever possibly untangle himself? I wandered in to the bedroom and gazed at my husband, my eyes welling with tears. "What's wrong?" he asked. "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry you got involved with them." "With who?" he asked, puzzled. I blurted out the information I'd found. An argument quickly erupted. He just didn't see what I did. It ended badly, his eyes glazed over, he kept repeating, "But I know it's the truth." over and over. "Oh my goodness, I married a robot" I thought. I had just triggered a major cognitive dissonance episode. I relate the experience to crashing a large boat in to a dock. A fluffier image, thanks to my friend, is of a child chasing gulls down the beach. No matter how badly the child wants to play with them, they do not come near.

Shortly after 3 p.m. on October 15, 2003, a ferry struck a concrete pier in Staten Island killing at least 10 passengers and injuring 42 others, many critically. According to eyewitnesses, the 310-foot-long ferry was about to dock at Staten Island when the vessel struck a pier surrounded by wooden pilings. The pilings cut the ferry's port side, ripping steel and windows as the vessel moved ahead. Passengers told investigators the ship failed to slow down before the collision and neither the captain nor the crew issued a warning. Source:  http://www.injuryboard.com/view.cfm/Topic=1123 

An exuberant child chases down the gulls. Link: www.pbase.com/sheila/image/32960097

I kept researching and studying the WTS. I realized my direct attack on the WTS was all wrong. All it had done was force my husband in to a hard-line stance to maintain his belief. If I could not attack my husband's beliefs directly, how could I help him understand the danger of his decision? I came up with the image of a tugboat. Though much smaller than the ships it services, it is powerful and flexible. It tugs the massive ship to where it needs to go, with greater finesse than the great ship can handle on it's own. A good tug brings the great ship in with no casualties. Again, a sweeter illustration was offered by a friend of mine. Imagine coaxing a shy rabbit to eat from your hand. You need patience, persistence, and no sudden moves!

Tugs might be thought of as essential port services, enabling big unwieldy ships to be handled into small spaces, hauling very large vessels through locks and protecting them against the unexpected wind or tide that could sweep them out of a channel, or bang them against a quay or another ship. Tug skippers are fine ship handlers, who can work with pilots and operate as a team to handle big ships safely. They escort tankers in and out of oil ports, ready to act as an emergency brake and rudder if there is trouble with the tanker's engines or steering gear. They push and pull barges, floating cranes or other "dumb" non-propelled craft, applying their considerable muscle to wherever it is needed. http://www.njscuba.net/artifacts/ship_tugboat.html

Patiently, he coaxes the rabbit to eat from his hand.

Problem:

Direct confrontation of a Jehovah's Witnesses beliefs forces them further in to the put-on religious personality and farther from you.

Forces:

• You see your partner's beliefs and worldview drawing farther away from you.


• Your partner has been pre-warned that those closest to them may resist the changes they are making in their life.


• Your partner has been pre-warned that this resistance is inspired by Satan.


• Your partner's study leader will be encouraging him or her to involve themselves more and more in the all important spiritual activity.


• A person caught in a cognitive dissonance gap is afraid, uncomfortable, or embarrassed. Address these negative emotions first before trying to engage their logical thinking.

Essence of the Solution:

Be a tugboat, coax your partner in to fresh ways of thinking instead of using direct confrontation. This prevents a cognitive dissonance episode, forcing your partner in to a harder stance.

More about the Solution:

It works much better to bring up alternate viewpoints in casual conversation. I don't drill my point home every time. Many small tugs build a momentum and ease the big doctrines home. There are a few WT doctrines that I find especially offensive, and I rarely let those WT slogans go by without comment.

I challenge every sweeping WT comment on the morality and ethics of "worldly people". I bring the vague WT comments home to where we live. I ask hubby if he sees me, our other worldly friends and neighbors, in the way the WT article describes? What about our neighbour Sarah, who sends us chili and other treats our of her surplus, or wacky James, who literally gave the shirt off his back to my hubby on a dare? Or Brenda, who sends my hubby baking and helped him burn his first CD?

Two other catch-phrases I turn about on the Watchtower are "imperfect" and "truth". Imperfection is often used as an excuse by the WTS for the various failings of the leadership. When my hubby says, "follow the truth" or "left the truth", I always challenge him. "You mean that person left 'an organization of imperfect men.' No-one can leave the truth, it's just there. Is truth a place? How can you leave the truth if it lives in you?" By challenging these catch-phrases directly, I reduce their power over my husband. At the same time, I embed some basic principles, such as, "The truth is not a place." and, "An organization can't be imperfect and The Truth at the same time."

I also use little questions to awaken my husband's latent thinking power,

• Are they saying that everyone who is not a Jehovah's Witness will be destroyed? Does this include Sarah and James and Brenda?


• The actions of that Elder was not Christian behavior!


• I cannot imagine my pastor ever interfering in the private lives of the congregation like that, ever!

Resulting Context:

• A Jehovah's Witnesses' devotion comes in waves. You may be cheered by a gradual falling away, only to see your partner's zeal renewed by an incident or Watchtower article. Fighting discouragement is a constant challenge for an UBM.  Find some friends you can use as a sounding board.


• Watch those battles! A few angry words, and your partner may ever afterwards consider you a member of Satan's camp.


• The study leader is exerting their own influence, which you may not be able to predict or anticipate. Work on maintaining openness and trust with your partner. You want to know if the study leader ever suggests subterfuge or deceit to work around your resistance.


• Turning a person's mind to alternate ideas is a very slow process. Think years, not months. You may wonder if you have the time or energy necessary to work this out.

Known Uses:

To avoid a cognitive dissonance loop and gradually encourage your JW partner to accept alternate ideas outside of the Watchtower literature.

Add Fun
Mood:  party time!
Topic: Solutions

Opening Story:

The routine was pretty well set these days; Book Study on Tuesday night, Service Meeting on Thursday, field service Saturday morning, and the Public Talk on Sunday. I'd adjusted my own expectations and learned to entertain myself the nights he was gone. Even so, I could see the constant pressure to perform was getting to him. I hated it when he talked about having "nowhere else to go". With a schedule like that, he sure didn't have much time to develop outside friends and interests. I determined to engage him in as many outside activities as possible. "Hey, let's take a break and go to the dollar theatre tonight." We started going out on non-meeting nights, and they were a great time to be together and away from all responsibilities for a few hours.

One day he surprised me by suggesting a movie instead on a meeting night. He complained of a headache. He just couldn't make it to the meeting. I studied him cautiously, "Of course. It's not like you make it a habit. I am sure Jehovah understands". I was sad that I had to help him break through the massive guilt. But I helped him do it. A normal night. Inside, I cheered.

Context:

Add activities, people, and fun to your JW's life so they have somewhere to go to when they are ready to leave.

Problem:

It's not enough to tear down the Watchtower doctrine. The WTS is much more an anti-religion than a religion. Many converts are attracted to them because the WTS are openly critical of establishment. Witnesses are regularly told that there is "nowhere else to go". So even when they may entertain secret doubts, they stick to the endless grind of meetings, field service and conventions, well after their heart has gone out of it.

Often non-JW partners make the mistake of pouring all their energy in proving the Watchtower wrong. That's not enough. Minus zero and you have less than nothing. You also have to add positive alternatives to your JW's life, so that they have an understanding that they have something to go to.

Forces:

1. The JW's week is packed with meetings and activities that isolate the JW. They have little time to establish outside interets.


2. The WTBTS teaches that spiritual goals are superior to any other.


3. The JW's are told that excessive entertainment and recreation get in the way of spiritual interests.


4. Your JW will feel massive guilt for skipping a single meeting to go have "fun".


5. JW's are taught that "worldly people" are not to be trusted. Any misunderstanding and your JW may choose to "shun" the "bad association". This makes friendship-building a challenge.

Essence of the Solution:

1. Add fun activities outside of the WTBTS on non-meeting nights.


2. Find mutual interests, and look for opportunities to add those interests to your week.


3. When your JW partner is ready to start breaking the JW meeting, they may suggest doing something fun on meeting night. Be ready for it, and support your partner in their decision.


4. Be sure to address the guilt, and reassure them that Jehovah understands.

More about the Solution:

The challenge might be in finding a mutual interest you might share.

Quiz your partner about their pre-JW life. Were there activities or hobbies they took part in that they've dropped since they became a witness? These activities, especially, will bring the pre-JW personality to the fore.

Here are some ideas, untested, that might work. Twentysomethings, help me out here, and give me some more suggestions! You are likely a whole bunch more fun than I am.

• Bowling (the nerdiness, the enthusiasm, the uniforms, the comaraderie.  Don't they just remind you a little bit of the JW's?  It seems to me that bowling clubs are a great way to be part of the community) 


• An evening class at the community college.


• Bible study group (A challenge, since JW's are warned against them. But it worked for me. The added bonus is the group will support you and pray for you the days your partner is not there.)


• A sport like skiing, skating, swimming (can you tell I live in Canada?)

The second most critical moment is the first time your partner skips a meeting night to have fun. Look for signs of guilt on the day of, and several days following. Do your best to encourage them that they are not disappointing Jehovah to take a single day off. Don't get discouraged if your partner shows an extra spurt of zeal for a week or so. Their energy is from guilt, not enthusiasm. This is a good sign in the long run, as they are secretly admitting that fun night was, well, fun!

Resulting Context:

• This strategy probably is easier for couples without children. We've got lots of spare time on our hands. If you have children, you are going to have to be extra-creative in your time management.


• The WTS may have caught on to this strategy. Recent articles are critical of fun.

  

  
  

  (WT September 15, 2005, page 18, photograph and caption, "Does recreation often keep you from theocratic activites?" In the long run, however, this may still work on your favour. People can't run forever on empty batteries.



• It takes a considerable amount of energy and planning to maintain this strategy.


• Besides your best efforts, your JW partner may lose "worldly" friends as fast as you gain them.


• Keep an eye out for retaliatory guilt, and do your best to reassure your partner that an evening away here or there won't hurt.

Known Uses:

• Reduce the overpowering influence of the Watchtower society for an evening, get your old partner back temporarily.


• Provide "somewhere to go" when your partner is ready to divorce himself from the endless grind of meetings.

Confront Quietly
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: Solutions

"Go Ahead, Make My Day!" Few people have never heard the immortal words uttered by Clint Eastwood, a.k.a. Lt. "Dirty" Harry Callahan in Sudden Impact (Warner Bros. Inc. 1983). Here's the action leading up to the famous phrase, borrowed from a law student's paper: http://www.law.unlv.edu/faculty/bam/k2001/sudden.html

From the side door of the diner, suddenly Lt. Callahan appears, stating he had been coming to the diner for a number of years and never had the waitress given him sugar in his coffee before. When the assailants tell him to leave, the following dialogue occurs:

Lt. Callahan: We’re not going to let you walk out of here.

Assailant: Who’s we?

Lt. Callahan: Smith & Wesson and me.

When the assailants start shooting at him, Callahan returns fire, possibly killing two and wounding the third man.

The wounded man grabs the waitress, holding her in front of him with a gun to her head. Then, the immortal words from Callahan: "Go ahead, make my day." At this point, Callahan has his gun in the man’s face and police cars are pulling up to the front of the diner. The man puts his gun down and surrenders.

The hero manages to convey is extreme displeasure without any overt signs of anger, and without yelling. Yet his words are loaded with meaning. How did he convey his intensity? With facial expression, direct eye contact, and a calm tone of voice. I consider this to be an excellent example of anger under control.  Compare Callahan's example to a mall scene between mother and child.

The child, red-faced and runny, wails aimlessly as she toddles down the hall. "But I wanna I wanna I wannna now..." Mom impatiently yanks on her arm. "Hurry up, and shut up! If you keep on like this I am NEVER TAKING YOU TO THE MALL AGAIN!" The little girl's wail amplifies to a siren, "I DONT WANNA WANNA I BE GOOD NOW NO NO NO NO." Mom, "YOU BE QUIET OR NO CANDY FOR YOU!" Child "I WANT MY CAAAAANDY, NONONONO I WANNA NOW" Mom, "THAT'S IT WE'RE GOING HOME RIGHT NOW, RIGHT NOW I TELL YOU!", Glances around at the crowd of averted faces, "Now you be quiet and I'll give you your candy." Yanks the child's arm again, "DO YOU HEAR ME?"

There are a few things this mother is doing wrong, but I will focus on one of them, lack of control. When she gets mad and amplifies her voice, she is advertising to the world that she has lost control of the situation. Shouting can work sometimes. But if yelling becomes a habit, it becomes the annoying siren in the background that everyone desperately tries to shut out.

How does this relate to the Jehovah's Witness experience? I have found that JW's are very receptive to quiet confrontation. If I raise my voice in anger, on the other hand, I am immediately cut off as being influenced by Satan. You can get a taste of this mild manner of speech by reading the first few paragraphs in any of the Watchtower materials. The public talks are the same. A mild and well-modulated voice calmly presents outrageous information, carefully cushioned in cotton-wool.

Context:

You need to confront your JW partner with something that concerns you. Some of the things you have been learning about the Jehovah's Witnesses are alarming, and your partner has become increasingly distant whenever you bring up religion or the Witnesses. You know you have been cut out, you are getting angry, and you need to let your partner know how you feel.

Problem:

Whenever you have tried to express your concerns in the past, your partner has shut down and refused to talk to you. Even worse, afterwards she now looks at you as if you are controlled by Satan or something.

Forces:

1. By the third visit, a JW study has already been primed to expect opposition from family and friends.


2. The study is told that this opposition is from Satan, and they must resist it.


3. The Jehovah's Witness presentation style is mild and unassuming at all times. This is attractive and reassuring.


4. You may have genuine concerns and some reasonable pent-up frustration over the turn of events. You deserve to be heard.


5. How do you express your feelings in a constructive manner in a way your partner will listen?

Essence of the Solution:

If you imitate the style of the Jehovah's Witnesses, you have a much better chance of being heard by your partner.

More about the Solution:

If "just do it" is your style, you may just wing it. Follow Clint Eastwood's lead. When you have your talk, have direct eye contact and keep your voice calm and well modulated. Remember, you can be very confrontational while behaving in a very calm manner. Your heart may be beating through your chest, but you have Clint Eastwood's steely stare. This style has much power, and your partner will know you are in control. Or, you can use a planned approach, outlined below:

1. Explore your feelings about the whole situation. Why does it bother you so much?


2. Think up some word-pictures to describe how you feel. You may use word-pictures we've developed on this site if they fit.


3. Write down your fears and concerns. Be as genuine as possible.


4. Read a few paragraphs from a Watchtower magazine or attend a public talk to get a feeling on how to modulate your voice so that a Jehovah's Witness will be receptive to what you have to say.


5. Make a date to talk to your partner. Pick a location and a time when both of you are usually calm and relaxed. My hubby and I have had some of our best talks when we take a long walk.


6. Tell your partner what is bothering you. Then ask them what the two of you might do to calm your fears.


7. Avoid ultimatums if you can, but be clear what has to change for you to be at ease.

Resulting Context:

1. Sometimes I put off my plan so long the moment is lost.


2. I wait too long to share my fears, so I end up blowing up anyways.  If this happens, don't beat yourself up over it.  Figure out what went wrong. Do you need to clean up your own act first? Then try again another day.


3. People unpredictable, and sometimes they do not respond to our best efforts. If this doesn't work, back to the drawing board. Why didn't my plan work? Is my partner able to understand my feelings?

Known Uses:

• To bring up a sticky problem with a JW partners.


• If I am feeling misused or angry, and I need to share those feelings with my partner in a productive way.

Here's a list of future Solutions I will be posting in the next few months
Mood:  cool
Topic: Solutions
Add Fun
Be a Tugboat
Can't Beat em
Confront Quietly
Dress for the Hall
Make Peace with the Cult Personality
Pro and Con
Reinforce their Humanity
Reveal your Humanity
Reverse Psychology
Start a Family Bible Study
Stick to the Topic
Sudden Shock
Talk like a JW
Test the Waters
Turn off the Cult Personality
Use Humor
Word Pictures

What is their motive?
Mood:  quizzical
Topic: Solutions
Opening Story:

"Joe paced the floor of their tiny living room. This was the third night this week his Janey had gone to the meeting with the Jehovahs. It had seemed harmless enough six months ago, but now Janey seemed to be spending more and more time with those people. Even more disturbing, she was becoming more distant in the bedroom. She was acting strange in other ways too, taking down the picture of the Last Supper that her favorite Aunt had left her. They had argued last night, but the harder he tried to show her how wacky it all was, the more distant she became. Man, if he heard "pagan" one more time, he was going to use the "C" word, Cult. What was he doing wrong?"

Context:
You are waking up to the pull that the Jehovah's Witnesses have on an early convert.

Problem:
Direct confrontation only digs them in deeper. How can you through to someone studying with the Jehovah's Witnesses, when they have been pre-warned to expect opposition?

Forces:
1. Your partner cannot be forced in to a way of living that pleases you, even if you know their choices are hurting them. Honor free will above everything else.
2. You have a Jehovah's Witness on their tell who is well-rehearsed to answer any opposition, and has pre-warned your partner that you are not going to appreciate their decision to "Obey Jehovah"
3. Worse, warnings that people will oppose the study's choice start by the third week.
4. Even worse, any opposers are portrayed as being servants of Satan. Want to grow horns overnight? All you have to do is try and force your partner to get out.
5. Your partner was drawn to the Witnesses for a reason. If you can provide a better solution than what the Witnesses offer, that will be the key to bringing your partner back out.

Essence of the Solution:
You need effective strategies and communication techniques to get through to your loved one. First and foremost, you have to understand your partner, their motives, dreams, and the pull the Witnesses had in the first place. Answer these questions.

1. What drew your partner to the Witnesses in the first place?
2. Is your partner more logical or emotional?

More about the Solution:
If you don't know your partner very well, this is the time to start. Ask gentle, leading questions to get to the root of your partner's fears and desires.

Put on your thinking cap, and think about what the driving motivation is. Once you know that, you can provide opportunities to meet the need. The JW's promise much, but they are short on delivery. When your partner wakes up to that realization, all your hard work will bear fruit.

Common reasons:
1. A desire for order and security (in a chaotic world)
2. Fear of death (9-11 and other disasters)
3. Grief over lost one (JW's promise reunion on Paradise Earth)
4. A desire for order in faith (JW's have an explanation for everything)
5. No friends (JW's are very friendly to converts)
6. Enjoy religious lifestyle (study, dressing up, orderly)

Counteracting the reasons:
1. Collect good news stories. Comment on examples of unloving behavior at the Kingdom Hall.
2. Reassure partner with bible verses that God loves them and they are secure in His memory. Later, if a JW suggests to your partner that their hope is threatened for some imagined failing, bring up those verses again.
3. Same as 2.
4. Collect samples of "changing light" by the society Quotes
5. Energetically build up a network of friends outside the society. When the "evil world" is brought up, ask your partner if your mutual friends are evil?
6. Join a church yourself, for your own sanity and for a possible future network. If you have no interest in Christianity, join a group that has a social activist component and has aspects of self-denial (living a saintly life making the world a better place).

Resulting Context:
Look at it this way, you may end up becoming a sensitive and attentive partner at the end of all this!

Known Uses: