Please don't be offended by this! It is, as they say, "all in good fun." (Obscene fun, but still fun...) It's not meant to be anything else. So if you're easily offended, this parody is not for you.
Also, no fanfiction is really like this! It's greatly exaggerated.
And Now for Something Completely... Standard!?
The standard fanfiction, exposed in a shocking... well, what better way... fanfiction!
Mistoffelees smiled even before he opened his eyes. He was always so happy! The Jellicles were so kind to overlook his height deficiency in their ever-steadfast awe of his perfection, he thought.
Stretching, he waved to his friend The Rum Tum Tugger, who was surrounded by the usual throng of dizzied queens. "That crazy Tugger," he thought, shaking his head- you guessed it- good-naturedly. "Him and those crazy queens! However does he do it??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Hi Victoria!" he called, waving cheerfullly to his other best friend. Well! This day had certainly gotten off to a good start. As always in the Junkyard!
Suddenly a hiss sounded beside him. Who would dare hiss at the Original Conjuring Cat, he wondered?
He soon discovered the beautiful culprit huddled in a cardboard box behind him. She was the most beautiful cat he'd ever seen!! So he decided to fall in love with her, because none of the other Junkyard queens were quite right for him. But this one was a different story!
"Sorry I hissed," she said, looking him over appraisingly. "My name is Taraxatarasaecha. And Macavity made one of his henchrats, Joe, I think it was, dump me here."
"Oh... really????" Mistoffelees stammered, at a loss for words once he'd gotten a look into her beautiful eyes.
"Who is this??????" Mistoffelees hadn't noticed Munkustrap come up beside him.
"Taraxatarasoecha." answered the female quietly.
"Uh... yeah." said Munkustrap. "By the way, you are stunningly beautiful and I bet Mistoffelees has fallen in love with you already!!!"
"Uh... thanks," she replied, somewhat confusedly. But... onto the next order of business!
"We must take you to Old Deuteronomy for extensive questoning about your family and general past," Munkustrap informed her harshly. "Don't worry. He is kind and wise, and always knows best about everything. And besides, if he likes you you'll be a Jellicle."
Mistoffelees, along with all the cats, who had taken an instant liking to Taraxatarasaecha, waited anxiously for that very moment. The minutes ticked by. Then-
"Old Deuteronomy??" said Mistoffelees, drowning out Coricopat and Tantomile in his enthusiasm.
"It's me, and Taraxatarasaecha. And we both come as Jellicles!!!" he said, his voice somewhat muffled by the mass of kittens- and cats- on top of him. Actually, Munkustrap, and the female kittens and cats. The toms were all too busy gaping at Taraxatarasaecha.
So Mistoffelees quickly made his way over to her, flashing a set of gleamingly immaculate white teeth in a winning smile. But he was reduced to stuttering in the face of this dazzling queen.
"Tara... Tarax... Oh, nevermind... Will you go on a date with me????" he said breathlessly.
"You silly tom!! said Taraxatarasaecha. "It was love at first sight. Couldn't you tell? I love Old Deuteronomy."
Old Deuteronomy rose up, shaking several kittens off his arms and sending them flying into various parts of the Junkyard, to give Tara' a smile.
Mistoffelees' jaw dropped.
Old Deuteronomy grinned, the sunlight flashing off his teeth and the bottle of trusty human medicine that his human always had handy for amorous activities with his lady friends in his paw. "Now will you excuse me? Taraxatarasaecha and I are going to... get acquainted, you could say."
Taraxatarasaecha waved as she and Deuteronomy dissappeared inside the box they'd come from. "See ya later, Misto!!!!!!!"