Bowser's Journal

Ever wondered what thoughts go through the Koopa King's mind? Well wonder no more! Here, you will find an online account of the goings-on in the life of the ruler of the Koopa Kingdom. After all, I figured that if Lemmy and Ludwig can post their journals online, why can't I? SO BEHOLD MY BRILLIANCE!!!

Entries for December 2001 (Earth Years)

• December 1 Gragh! Has it really been eight months since I've written anything?! Things have been SO busy lately... The winter is beginning to set in on my kingdom, and being the cold-blooded reptiles that we are, it means we'll be pretty inactive for a while (except Lemmy, of course). Now that I'm cooped up in this castle without much to do, I should be able to update the site more. Assuming, of course, that Ludwig doesn't BLOW UP THE COMPUTER AGAIN!!!

  ...

  Don't ask.

• April 27 Well, life goes on in the Koopa Kingdom. Things are actually a bit dull, which worries me... The kids have been awfully quiet lately... They've GOT to be up to something...

• April 12 ARGH! No time for updates! It's understandable though, as I have to do everything except breathe for these idiots that call themselves Troopas! Every day is a new excersize in stupidity... Okay, today I took it upon myself to march a troop of them around, see how they were coming along, you know. Well, I led them towards the lava pits, and then dismissed them. It was all part of a test though, you see I was going to call them right back into formation after a couple of seconds just to see how quick their reflexes were. So after they'd had a few seconds to wander away, I yelled "FALL IN TROOPS!" and every last one of the morons fell in the lava pit. And people wonder why I never try to mount a full scale invasion...

• March 12 I'm not in a very good mood. In case you haven't guessed, Mario beat me. I've spent the last few days recovering from a rather nasty fall. This is the last time I listen to Kammy! I suppose a few months in the dungeon will help her think her ideas through more carefully next time. From now on, I make my own plans!

Entries for February 2001 (Earth Years)

• February 21 He-he's only got one Star Spirit left to find! I don't believe this...how can he be winning?! I have the Star Rod! I'm all-powerful! Kammy's starting to get worried too...looks like she's started work on some sort of "surprise" for Mario in case he DOES make it to the castle... Hope it works, because I'm just itching to use this Star Rod again...heheheheheheh...

• February 15 I don't believe it! I never imagined Mario would get so far so quickly! Even Tubba Blubba couldn't stop him! But not to worry, he's still no match for me...at least, that's what Kammy keeps telling me. But then again, she'd tell me that the phone book would turn into a frog if she thought it'd keep me in a good mood...ah, what am I worrying about? Mario can't possibly win now that I've got the Star Rod! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!

• February 9 My latest plot is underway and going well. HA, Mario never saw it coming! I mean, I've taken the princess before, but this is the first time I took the whole castle! I probably won't have time to write or update while this is going on, but if all goes well, the whole PLANET will be part of my Realm! GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

• February 7 I'm gearing up for my latest plot! I can't reveal many details yet, but this time, Mario won't stand a chance! HA! Once I get the Star Rod...oops! You didn't hear that!

• February 6 It's been a rather uneventful day today. Ludwig blew up his room again, and Roy is currently chasing Larry all around the castle for stealing some top-secret plan of his. Wendy has developed a neurotoxin, which she's attempting to test on Iggy, and Lemmy just lead Morton down into the basement in chains while pulling a wagon with a lot of bricks, mortar, and a copy of Edgar Allan Poe's The Cask of Amontillado in it. Quite boring actually.

• February 5 Well, haven't done much on the site lately. Had to clean up the paperwork mess of some idiotic Boom Boom (wonder what genius assigned paperwork to a Boom Boom in the first place?) Seems he managed to get the supply shipments for the Goombas and the Piranha Plants mixed up. All the Goombas' shoes were eaten and the Goombas were buried in mountains of fertilizer...honestly... Well, after a lot of hard work and severe tongue lashings, he finally managed to get it straightened out... Anyway, here's hoping for an idiot-free day tomorrow (yeah right)...

You can't possibly be done reading about someone so deep already!

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