June 26, 2002
Wow.... I added one quote.... go me...
"My whole life should be in quotations." -Jessica Johnson
Greetings and Salutations. This page will contain quotes from movies, TV shows, and my life; so if you don't get one (or more knowing my sense of humor) don't distress. Be prepared to laugh, to be inspired, and to be utterly confused. Welcome to my mind. Watch your step, it gets a little messy around her.
- "You're going to listen to something I said? Haven't I made it abundantly clear during the tenure of our friendship that I don't know shit?" -Brodie, Mallrats
- "It’s something deeply ingrained in human biology. Women prefer bad over week and indecisive.... and unemployed. "
- "Hey, I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class... 'specially since I rule."
- "Strange things are afoot at the Circle K." -Bill, Bill and Ted's...
- "I was thinking of the immortal words of Socrates who said 'I drank what?'" -Chris Knight, Real Genius
- "Some of the worst mistakes of my life have been haircuts." -Jim Morrison, The Doors
- "'... and even for hate, thou cans't but kill, and all are killed.' I like it. It's got that 'what a cruel world, so lets toss ourselves in the abyss' type of ambiance." -JD, Heathers
- "Comedy is like ranch dressing. It goes with almost everything." - Todd Coogan (that's for Cassie *S*)
- "Damn you, damn the broccoli, and damn the Wright Brothers!" -The Baby, Family Guy
- "The dead do not get 'high'...." -Kai, Lexx
- "Stop touching him, he's the emperor!" -Tamahome, Fushigi Yugi
- "Look to the cookie Elaine. Look to the cookie.." -Seinfeld
- "Mah Bah-Day!" -Todd Coogan
- "The sex symbol has declined!" - Micheal Jablonski
- "Never regret. Simply accept the fact that something sucked, and learn from it." -The All Powerfull Scott P.
- "Yes..me and my exploding cake. Life makes sense again." - Jess (me)
- "Now that you're dead, what are you gonna do with your life?" -JD, Heathers
- "This? This is ice this is what happens when water gets to cold. This? This is Kent, what happens to people when they get too sexually frustrated." -Chris Knight, Real Genius
- "It's a hundred and six miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses."- Elwood "Hit it." -Jake, The Blues Brothers
- "Something strange happened to me this morning." -Mitch "Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at you?" -Chris "No." -Mitch "Why am I the only person that has that dream?" -Chris, Real Genius
- "Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorned for Sega." -Brodie, Mallrats
- "Did you suddenly find humor?" -Chris Knight, Real Genius
- "Life is like a box of chocolates. Coconut saddens us." - Annon. (thanks to Cassie for this one)
- "Todd wears no underwear." - Patrick McCollum
- "Patrick wears women's underwear." - Todd Coogan
- "I will become a Bunny Master! Just wait and see! The world's greatest Bunny Master!" -Cassie-Chan, Quest of the Bunny
- "Kiss my royal ass!"- Tanya
- "Princess Tanya and her royal ass."- Greg
- "Nana! Nana! Nana!"- Cheyenne "Enough with the Nana!"- Tanya "... Grandma!"- Cheyenne
- "I can't like that."- Cheyenne
- "Cold. Hard. Cash." - Tamahome (For Merry ^_^)
- "This is my life. It sucks, but it's mine!"- Me
- "We paid $8 a day to run that air conditioner and were gunna run it, god damn it!"- Bob (my dad)
- "Look a Cathedral!!"- Cassie, at PRISM
- "I can just imagen the headlines 'Girl weds Cousin... But their not blood related so who gives a damn?'"- the idiot known as 'me'
- "Great. That’s just what this country needs, a cock in a frock on a rock." Bernadette, The Adventures of Priscilla: Queen of the Desert
- "No, I didn't. Honest. I ran out of gas! I had a flat tire! I didn't have enough money for cab fare! My tux didn't come back from the cleaners! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT I SWEAR TO GOD!!! " -Jake, Blues Brothers
- "...With brain damage. Resembling in many ways, a cabbage patch doll."-Mannis, Flatliners
- "Well, I'm nice, he's nice, were both f**kin' lunatics. Can I come in please?" -Nelson, Flatliners
- "C'mon Joe, dont you want to be on 60 Minutes?" -Nelson, Flatliners
- "Excuse me sir, exactly how obscene an amount of money were you talking about? Just profane or REALLY offensive." -Manager, Pretty Woman
- "Its not how far you go, its how go you far." -Dave, Ski School
- "OK, you may be able to disqualify us... but you cannot stop us from doing... the lambada..." -Dave "That’s the forbidden dance." -Ed, Ski School
- "I am going comando!!"- Joey, Friends
- "I want you Jeffrey! I'm consumed with jealousy for my niece! I want you." -Jeffrey, Soapdish
- "Yeah, I've got a question. Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?" -Bender, Breakfast Club
- "Oh sure, I tell you, then you tell somebody else, and the next thing you know, were in the middle of another ice age." -Ick, Real Genius
- "Let's just take a step back. No, I was wrong, I'm sorry, take a step forward. Now take a step back. And, a step forward, and a step back, and then we're cha-chaing." -Chris, Real Genius
- "Take one and pass them back, just like your I.Q. was normal."
- "Welcome to Pacific Tech's 'Smart People on Ice.'" -Chris, Real Genius (can you tell I like this movie?)
- "Negative, I am a meat popsicle." -Korben Dallas, 5th Element
- "I do have a test today, that wasn't bullshit. It's on European Socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So, who gives a crap if they're Socialists? They could be fascist anarchists, it still wouldn't change the fact that I don't own a car." -Ferris Bueller
- "The 1961 Ferrari, two-fifty GT California. Less than a hundred were made. My father spent three years restoring this car. It is his love, it is his passion . . ." -Cameron Frye "It is his fault he didn't lock the garage." -Ferris Bueller
- "I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane, with all the other rich people, and I want him brought right here with a big ribbon on his head. And, I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, floor-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holly Shit! Where's the Tylenol?" -Clark W. Griswold, Christmas Vacation
- "Did I.Q.s just drop sharply while I was away?" -Ellen Ripley, Aliens
- "We're all disturbed! And, if not, why not?! Doesn't this blend of blindness and blandness wanna make you do something crazy?! Then, why not do something crazy?! It makes a Hell of a lot more sense than blowing your fu**ing brains out. You know, go nuts, go crazy, get creative. You got problems? You just chuck 'em--nuke 'em! They think you're moody, make 'em think you're crazy. Make 'em think you might snap! They think you got attitude? You show 'em some real attitude!" -Mark Hunter, Pump up the volume
- "Being a teenager sucks, but that's the point, surviving it is the whole point. Quitting is not going to make you strong--living will." -Mark Hunter, Pump up the volume
- "Now, I'm depressed. Now, I feel like killing myself, but, luckily, I'm too depressed to bother." -Mark Hunter, Pump up the volume
- "Good luck to you, too. Well, actually, I take that back. I hope you don't do well at all. Now that I think about it, I hope you get violated by pig-monkey men in the woods." -Pestario "Pest" Vargas, the Pest
- "I just met your insane, crazy, freak of a son . . . no offense, alright?" -Pestario "Pest" Vargas, the Pest
- "The King's stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut, and pour lemon juice on it?" -Miracle Max, The Princess Bride
- "And the Lord spoke, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shalt be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thou foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.'" -Monk, Holly Grail
- "As the horrendous black beast lunged forward, escape for Arthur and his knights seemed hopeless. When suddenly, the animator suffered a fatal heart-attack. The cartoon peril was no more." -Narrator, Holly Grail
- "Right, I'll do you for that." - The Black Knight "You'll what?" - King Arthur "Come here." - The Black Knight "What are you gonna do, bleed on me?" - King Arthur "I'm invincible!" - The Black Knight "You're a loony." - King Arthur, Holly Grail
- "Well, my mom cried--for exactly ten seconds--my boss said, ‘Who cares,’ and my Dad said, ‘But you're so tall.’" -Peter Malloy, In & Out
- "Think about John Wayne, Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold doesn't dance, he can hardly walk!" -'Be a Man' tape, In & Out
- "This is my Peter, friend Peter! We just now ran into each other, here at the intersexual . . . homosection . . . intersection!" -Howard Brackett, In & Out
- "Everybody knows that!" -Howard Brackett "Everyone where? The Little Gay-bar on the Prairie?!" -Peter Malloy, In & Out
- "Well, you're asking me to tell you what your heart is telling your brain and I can't do that for you" -me (one of my philosophical moments)
- "I'm not tense. No, not at all. Well, I, I did pass out today, and got hit in the head by a baseball, and brushed my teeth with shampoo, then butchered Rimsky-Korsakov in front of fifteen-hundred people, and my clothes fell apart, but no, I’m a, I’m not, I’m not tense." -Richard Drew, Man with one Red Shoe
- "One February, they got pretty jammed up during the semi-annual Lincoln's birthday sale, and they asked me to help out in preteen maternity." -Nick, Top Secret!
- "I'm not the first guy who fell in love with a girl he met in a restaurant, who then turned out to be the daughter of a kidnapped scientist, only to lose her to a childhood lover who she's last seen on a deserted island, and who turned out fifteen years later to be the leader of the French Underground." -Nick, Top Secret!
- "Why are you backing away from me?" –Alex "I'm not backing away from you, I'm just walking backwards while you're walking forwards." -Eddy
- "I don't use my conscience as my guide... it's more of a creative consultant."
- "I don't even own a gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do with a gun rack?" -Wayne Campbell, Wayne's World
- "Turn it off, man! Turn it off! It's sucking my will to live!" -Garth Algar, Wayne's World
- "I've had plenty of Joe jobs. Nothing I'd call a career. Let me put it this way, I have an extensive collection of name tags and hair nets." -Wayne Campbell, Wayne's World
- "I thought I had mono once for an entire year. Turned out I was just really bored." -Wayne Campbell, Wayne's World
- "...not lively enough for you am I" -Kai, Lexx (um.... he’s dead, hence the joke)
- "If you want, we can find a nice necrophiliac planet for you, Xev!" -Stanely, Lexx (Xev loves Kai, Kai is dead, any questions?)
- "I have killed the strong, the weak, and the beautiful. All in the service of His Divine Shadow and apparently the FUN never STOPS!" -Kai, Lexx (He was in psycho mode at this time, he had done this speech before, but without the "and apparently..." part.)
- "Who is poet man?" -Zev (the other one)"A poet, perhaps?" -Kai, Lexx
- "Usual vault rules apply: Touch not, lest ye be touched." -Brodie, Mallrats
- "’Buffoon’? Oh, very interesting word. Wonder what the derivation of that is. I love the entomology of words. Maybe it's a combination of balloon and buffalo. Or, maybe buffer and fool. Or, maybe it's from the Latin word: bufamotis; he who carries the pickle." -Leslie Zevo, Toys
- "Well, red usually means caution, or beef, if it's a bouillon cube." -Alsatia Zevo, Toys
- "We're going to fight fire with marshmallows!" -Leslie Zevo, Toys
- "I think you're all fu**ed in the head. We're ten hours from the fu**ing fun park, and you wanna bail out! Well, I'll tell you something, this is no longer a vacation . . . it's a quest! It's a quest for fun! I'm gonna have fun, and you're gonna have fun! We're all gonna have so much fu**ing fun we'll need plastic surgery to remove our Goddamn smiles! You'll be whistling Zip-a-dee-doo-da out of your assholes! I've got to be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose! Praise Marty Moose!" -Clark, National Lampoon's Vacation
- "But, uh, she's lost that loving feeling." -Maverick "She los.. no she hasn't." -Goose "Yes she has." -Maverick "She has not lost that lov..." -Goose "Goose, she's lost it." -Maverick "Mav, come on. I hate it when she does that. Shit." -Goose, Top Gun
- "Come on, it's Czechoslovakia. We zip in, we pick 'em up, we zip right out again. We're not going to Moscow. It's Czechoslovakia, it's like going into Wisconsin." -John Winger "Well, I got the sh** kicked out of me in Wisconsin once. Forget it." -Russell Ziskey, Stripes
- "If I get killed, my blood is on your hands." -Russell Ziskey "Just don't get it on my shoes, okay?" -John Winger, Stripes
- "Working, thank you." -Randy "Where at the video store? I thought they fired your sorry ass." -Tatum "Twice." -Randy, Scream
- "Hey its called tact you f**k rag."-Billy, Scream
- "Ow, f**kin' hit me with the phone, dick!" -Stu
- "She looked dead man....still does." -Stu, Scream
- "If they'd watch prom night they'd save time. There's a formula to it! A very. simple. Formula! Everybody's a suspect!" -Randy *swoon*, Scream
- "God I loved it...I'll send you a copy. BAM! Bitch went down. I'll send you a copy. BAM! Sid superbitch. You are so cool." -Tatum, Scream
- "There's always some stupid bullshit reason to kill your girlfriend....thats the bueaty of it all...simplisity....besides if it gets to complicated you lose your target audience." -Randy, Scream (ok I've seen this movie 1 too many times ^_^)
- "Maybe your movie freaked mind lost its reality button did you ever think of that?" -Billy *drools*, Scream (this quote describes me perfectly)
- "I don't get it, Tori Spelling plays Sid and they cast Joe Blow Nobody to play me. At least you get David Schwimmer. I get the guy who drove Jane Seamore's stage coach in one episode of Dr. Quin." -Randy, Scream 2
- "Gutted, slashed, the guy ain't in the union no more." -Joel, Scream 2
- "Bitch hang the phone up and star sixtynine his ass...damn." -Maureen, Scream 2
- "I got my money. I asked for your money." -Maureen, Scream 2
- "...I think I love you, so what am I so afraid of...afraid that I'm not sure of, a love there is no cure for..." -Derek *singing in lunch room at college*, Scream 2
- "...I think I love you, wrong table, so what am I so afraid of, I just put my foot in the chicken..." -Derek, Scream 2 Bloopers (for Cassie ^_^)
- "It’s a classic case of life imitating art imitating life." -Mickey, Scream 2
- "Oh please, please, by definition alone their inferior films." -Randy, Scream 2
- "I believe the line is stay away from her you bitch. This is film class right?" -Randy, Scream 2
- "It's not, a lot of shit happens at the movies. People get robed, shot, maimed, murdered. Multiplexs are is a very dangerous place to be these days." -Randy, Scream 2 (my fav.)
- "Hey Cowgirls... see the grass... Yeah... Don’t eat it" -Scout, A league of there own
- "See this is how this place works... the train movies not the station" -Scout, A league of there own
- "Lets do a blood brothers thing... so just in case we get on each others nerves..." -Mark "Mark, we are blood brothers" -other one... name un-none, Wild America
- "I wipe my own ass." -Julian "Me too!" -The delivery guy, Big Daddy
- "Oh, I'm really scared. No, Don't. Don't. There's a, a peck here with an acorn pointed at me." -Madmartigan (the man of my dreams!!), Willow
- "What are you staring at?" -Sorsha "Your leg. I'd like to break it." -Madmartigan, Willow
- "Yeah. ‘I love you Sorsha. I worship you Sorsha.’ You almost got us killed." -Willow "I love you Sorsha? I don't love her. She kicked me in the face. I hate her. Don't I?" -Madmartigan, Willow
- "The defense department regrets to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid." -Goose, Top Gun
- "Actually, I don't remember being born. Must have happened during one of my black-outs." -Jim, The Doors
- "There's no normal life, Wyatt. There's just life. Now get on with it." - Doc, Tombstone
- "Why, oh why? I just can't believe it. Two years working in the same office. He was like my father, my brother, or a cousin that visits all the time." - Edward, Batman Forever
- "Are you a doctor?" -Douglas "Well, I'm more like a vet." -Montgomery, Island of Dr. Moreau
- "I want to go to dog heaven!" -Montgomery, Island of Dr. Moreau
- "...you shop much with the often-ness" -Jess "Yup. I am one with the often-ness... ooouummm..." -Cassie
- "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study, Duh." - Conan O'Brien
- "Oh, look to the bunny! Thou shalt be save-ed by the all holly Power of the Bunny! Look how it hops, as if to hop up and say 'Thou art my children and I shalt carrie the Twinkies for you!'" -Some raving loony
- "Pardon me for being rude it was not me it was my food. It just popped up to say hello but now it has gone back down below." -Austin Powers
- "He's not a bear, he's pure-bred, all-American werewolf and I'm his sidekick, his compadre..the Tonto to his Lone Ranger!" -Merton *more drool-idg*, Big Wolf on Campus
- "Hey, come and get us, you cross-dressing, two time, Jack the Ripper wannabe!" -Merton "Hey, your pretty good at that!" -Tommy "Yeah, I've been insulted alot." -Merton , Big Wolf on Campus
- "I think you combined the articulation of Arnold Schwartzenager with the emotional range of Jean-Claude Van Dam." -Merton , Big Wolf on Campus
- "Why does that guy get girls?" -Tommy "I think it's his chin. That dimple is the source of all his secret powers." -Merton , Big Wolf on Campus
- "Run. Run like the wind. Run away from this business like the innocent little baby gazelle racing along the wide open fields of Africa away from the salivating, predatory leopard. Or get a good agent." -Danny Smith *aka Merton*
- "I'M NOT A PSYCHO. Just... mentally stable. 'Cept the stable part ain't there!" -Jess
- "It's hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head." -Sally Kempton (who?)
- "Oh, friends are just enemies who don't have enough guts to kill you." - Judy Tenuta (no idea who this is)
- "I believe the word you're looking for is: Ahhhhhhhh!" -Penguin, Batman Returns
- "We're both perceived as monsters. But, somehow, you're a well respected monster, and I am, to date, not." -Penguin, Batman Returns
- "Sir, shall we change the channel to a program with some dignity and class . . . Love Connection, perhaps?" -Alfred, Batman Returns
- "That's not awfully P.C. How about Batperson or Batwoman?" -Batman, Batman & Robin
- "Why are all the gorgeous ones homicidal maniacs? Is it me?" -Batman, Batman & Robin
- "There's something about an anatomically correct rubber suit that puts fire in a girls lips." -Poison Ivy, Batman & Robin (ain't it the truth.... maybe I shouldn't have said that....)
- "What did you expect? 'Welcome sonny,' 'Make yourself at home,' 'Marry my daughter.' You've got to remember, that these are just simple farmers, these are people of the land, the common clay of the new west. You know... morons." -The Waco Kid, Blazing Saddles
- "Are we awake?" -Bart "We're not sure. Are we black?" -The Waco Kid "Yes we are." -Bart "Then we're awake, but we're very puzzled." -The Waco Kid, Blazing Saddles
- "Men, you are about to embark on a great crusade to stamp-out runaway decency in the west. Now, you will only be risking your lives, whilst I will be risking an almost certain Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor." -Hedley Lamarr, Blazing Saddles
- "I want rustlers, cutthroats, murders, bounty hunters, desperadoes, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, half-wits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con-men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglars, horse thieves, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers, and machinists!" -Hedley Lamarr, Blazing Saddles
- "Right...George...my balloon likes me...he's my best pal in the world" -Merry (Merry's quirky! ^_^ She'll kill me for that.)
- ".....And then the space ship will land carrying two monkeys and a leper.... And we'll all have a big party with Ed McMan!" -Jess (... I'm a moron....)
- "I'm a freak. By teen definition I'm a ‘Someone who is out to scare, terrify, and inflict humor on others.’" -Jess
- "We're safe here... We're protected by a letter opener....." -Cassie
- "She's a sheep! She's a sheep! Bah Ram Yue!" -Cassie
- "I... I'm just poken." -Jess (ok, it sounds bad, but trust me it's not what you may think!)
- "What's the difference between shakes and malts?" -Cassie "Well, after extensive research (aka: eating out 4 nights a week) there is absolutely no difference between shakes and malts." -Jess (this is only true about Johnny Rocket’s at the block)
- "Love is good! Love is great! Love is like a figure eight! Can I have some money now?" -Erik
- "I like your hair, it grows on you." -Jess (when my mother dyed her hair)
- "We decided to take the cops up on their offer. We ask for a bunch of weird stuff so we can plead insanity later." -Rex, Airheads (Rex was the cool one... the one I idolize)
- "67 copies of 'Moby Dick.'" -Rex "The movie or the book?" -Suzzi "They made a book outta that?" -Rex, Airheads
- "Archie is NOT f**king Mr. Weatherbee!" -Banky, Chasing Amy
- "Check this shit. You got cracker farm boy Luke Skywalker, Nazi poster boy, blond hair, blue eyes. And then you got Darth Vader, the blackest brother in the galaxy, Nubian god!" -Hooper "What's a Nubian?" -Banky "Shut the f**k up!" -Hooper, Chasing Amy
- Winner of the Longest Quote Award!"I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this way before, and I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know...I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. All I ask, please, is that you just, you just not dismiss that - and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. Alyssa, there isn't another soul on this f**king planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of." -Holden, Chasing Amy (Now that's the way to tell a girl how how you feel! All you males could take a tip from Holden!)
- "We danced the Mamushka while Nero fiddled, we danced the Mamushka at Waterloo. We danced the Mamushka for Jack the Ripper, and now, Fester Addams, this Mamushka is for you." -Gomez, The Addams Family
- "Pugsley, sit in the chair." -Wednesday "Why?" -Pugsley "Because we're going to play a game." -Wednesday "What game?" -Pugsley "*strapping him into the electric chair* It's called, ‘Is There a God?’" -Wednesday, The Addams Family (Wednesday was so cool. I wish I could have been that evil as a kid.... but I was busy playing with my dolls)
- "Hug your program! It needs your love!" -Cassie
- "Yeah man, you didn't know that? This country was founded, founded by people who were into aliens man. George Washington man, he was in a cult. And the cult was into aliens, man. You didn't know that? Oh man, they were way into that type of stuff." -Slater, Dazed and Confused
- "On Mount Vernon? He grew it all over the country, man! He had people growin it all over the country. You know the whole country back then was getting high. Let me tell you man, cause cause cause he knew he was on to something, man. He knew it would be a good cash crop for the southern states, man. So he grew fields of it, man. But you know what, behind every good man there’s a woman and that woman was Martha Washington, man. And everyday George would come home and she'd have a big fat bowl waiting for him, man, when he come in the door, man. She was a hip hip hip lady......And she was real cool too, she'd harvest the crops, man, that’s what I'm talking about. She put in the the bushels and stuff and sell it you know. Because they had to, you know, make ends meet and stuff. Did you ever look at a dollar bill man? There’s some spooky stuff going on on a dollar bill, man. I mean, and its green too." -Slater, Dazed and Confused (Yes, it is true. I CAN do a pretty good impression of Slater, but I shall reframe from doing so, man.)
- "Well of course you can't reach him. He's off saving the rain forest, or recycling his sandals or some shit." -Duncan Malloy, Con Air
- "What if I told you insane was working fifty hours a week in some office for fifty years at the end of which they tell you to piss off; ending up in some retirement village hoping to die before suffering the indignity of trying to make it to the toilet on time? Wouldn’t you consider that to be insane?" -Garland Green, Con Air
- "He's a fountain of misplaced rage. Name your cliché; Mother held him too much or not enough, last picked at kickball, late night sneaky uncle, whatever. Now he's so angry that moments of levity actually cause him pain; give him headaches. Happiness, for that gentleman, hurts." -Garland Green, Con Air
- "Have you lost your mind?" -Billy "According to my last psych evaluation yes." -Cyrus, Con Air
- "What's wrong with him?" -Baby O "My first guess would be... a lot." -Poe, Con Air
- "Somehow they managed to get every creep and freak in the universe on this one plane. And then managed to let THEM take IT over." -Poe, Con Air
- "On any other day, that might seem strange." -Poe (After seeing a Corvette being towed in the air by a plane.), Con Air
- "Define irony: a bunch of idiots dancing around on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash." -Garland Greene ("Sweet Home Alabama" plays in background.), Con Air
- "People who are always right make me sick!" -Randall "That's why you get along with yourself so well!" -Fidget, Time Bandits
- "I don't need a compass to know which way the wind shines!" -Mr. Furious, Mystery Men
- "God's given me a gift. I shovel well. I shove very well." -Shoveler, Mystery Men
- "You must lash out with every limb, like the octopus who plays the drums." -Sphinx, Mystery Men
- "You must be more like wolf pack and less like the six-pack." -Sphinx, Mystery Men
- "Are you correcting me? Don't correct me! I'm a Pantera's box you do NOT want to open!" -Mr. Furious "That's Pandora's Box." - Casanova Frankenstein, Mystery Men
- "May the forks be with us!" -Blue Raja, Mystery Men
- "These cuffs are made of tensiled steel. It would take you ten minutes to hack through them. *Hands Kid the hacksaw.* If you're quick, and if you're lucky, you can hack through your ankle in five." -Max, Mad Max
- "Anne, to love you is treason against France. But not to love you is treason against my heart." -D’Artagnan, The Man in the Iron Mask (Ok, now what girl wouldn’t melt over a guy who told you this?)
- "There are only four questions of value in life, Don Octavio. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only love." -Don Juan, Don Juan DeMarco
- "YOU LIAR! You know what I'm going to about this...Absolutely nothing, because if I go to court, it'll just drain eight hours of my life I'll never get back, and you'll probably stiff me anyway. So I'm just going to moan and complain like some impotent jerk, and take it up the tailpipe." -Fletcher "You've been here before, haven't you?" -Motor Pool Guy, Liar Liar
- "Here it goes: I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at an intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and SPEEDING!" -Fletcher "Is that all?" -Cop "No. ...I have unpaid parking tickets." -Fletcher, Liar Liar
- "'Ello." -Worm "Did you say...hello?" -Sarah "No, I said ‘'ello,’ but that's close enough." -Worm, Labyrinth
- "What exactly have you sworn to?" -Sarah "That I am to guard this bridge with my life, and that no one may cross without my permission." - Sir Didymus "Well... May we have your permission to cross?" -Sarah "Well I, uh... I... that is, uh... hm... Yes?" - Sir Didymus, Labyrinth
- "You wanna say something?" -Shannon "Yeah! About a million things, but I can't express myself monosyllabically enough for you to understand it all." -Brodie, Mallrats
- "Cookie stand's not part of the food court." -Brodie "Sure it is." -T.S. "The food court is downstairs the cookie stand is upstairs it's not like we're talking quantum physics here!" -Brodie "The cookie stand is an eatery, an eatery is part of the food court." -T.S. "Bullshit! Eateries that operate within the designated square downstairs qualify as food court, anything operating outside said designated square is considered an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking." -Brodie, Mallrats
- "Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent--I don't care which one--but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator!" -Brodie, Mallrats
- "But they're engaged" -T.S. "Doesn't matter, can't happen." -Brodie "Why not? It's bound to come up." -T.S. "It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry his child?" -Brodie "Sure, why not?" -T.S. "He's an alien, for Christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. But that would kill him." -Brodie, Mallrats
- "One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his ass. True story. He bought it at the local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all. But the next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with a trip to the emergency room. Then, last week, I saw him in the pet store. He was buying another cat! I said, ‘Walt, what the hell are you doing, you know you're just gonna get this cat stuck up your ass too, why don't you knock it off?’ And he says to me, ‘Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?’ My cousin was a weird guy." -Brodie, Mallrats
- Winner of Most People in One Quote! "Do you intend to resist?" -Guard "Oh don't be so stupid, of course we intend to resist! Just give us a minute! *To his comrades:* Five of them, three of us. Hardly seems fair." -Porthos "Maybe we should give them a chance to surrender." -Aramis "Excuse me, there's four of us." -D’Artgana "It isn't your fight. You're not a Musketeer." -Athos "I may not wear the tunic, but I believe I have the heart of a Musketeer." -D’Artagnan "Warrior?" -Porthos "Poet!" -Aramis "You got a name, boy?" -Athos "D'Artagnan." -D’Artagnan "Athos, Porthos, Aramis." -Athos "Pleased to meet you again." -D’Artagnan "Pleasure." -Aramis "Everyone acquainted?" -Porthos *The four whirl around and unsheathe their swords.* "NOW, we are ready to resist you!" -Porthos, The Three Musketeers
- "Mr. Knight! Right on time, that’s a little unusual these days. Still run?" -Dr. Hathaway "Only when chased." -Chris, Real Genius
- "If I have to sing Kumbaya one more time..." -Heather, Heathers
- "Where's your wife?" -Miles "Don't have one." -Buck "How come?" -Miles "Its a long story." -Buck "You have kids?" -Miles "No I don't." -Buck "How come?" -Miles "Its an even longer story." -Buck "Are you my dad's brother?" -Miles "What’s your record for consecutive questions asked?" -Buck "38." -Miles, Uncle Buck
- "There are cretin rules one must avoid by to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance number one...you can never have sex *hear booing* No...no...big no no, big no no.
Sex equals death. Okay...number two, never drink or do drugs...*cheering* no the sin factor, this is a sin...an extension of number one. Number three...never ever ever under any circumstances say I'll be right back. Cause you won't be back."-Randy, Scream
- "Oh please, please, by definition alone their inferior films." -Randy, Scream 2
- "My mom and dad are gunna be so mad at me."-Stu, Scream
- "Peer pressure...I'm far too sensitive."-Stu, Scream
- "Thanks for poppin' in... Hehehehehehehehehe... Muhahahahahaha... I love it when people come to visit. Makes for an interesting time. That is, as long as they don't run away and they all stick together. They're easier to catch that way! Muhahahahahaha!" -Jono (in "psycho mode," chasing the stowaways...... who she subsequently eats....) , The Four Sectors
- "The whole purpose of places like Starbuck's is for people with no decision-making ability whatsoever to make six decisions just to buy one cup of coffee. Short, tall, light, dark, caf, decaf, low-fat, non-fat, etc. So people who don't know what the hell they're doing or who on earth they are can, for only $2.95, get not just a cup of coffee but an absolutely defining sense of self: Tall! Decaf! Cappuccino!" -Joe, You've Got Mail
- "What did the doctor say?" -Caroline "That I'm not allowed to stick knives in my stomach." -Adam, Untamed Heart
- "It's lonely being a cannibal. You don't get that many friends." -Hart, Ravenous
- "This is grain, which any fool can eat, but for which the Lord intended a more divine means of consumption. Let us give praise to our maker and glory to his bounty by learning about... BEER!" -Friar Tuck, Robin Hood Prince of Thieves
- ”Doc, you been hittin' it awful hard, haven't you?” –Wyatt “Nonsense. I've not yet begun to defile myself.” –Doc, Tombstone
- “Where is he?” -McMasters “Down by the creek, walking on water.” –Doc, Tombstone
- “How we feeling today, Doc?” -Wyatt “I'm dying. How are you?” –Doc, Tombstone
- “Yes, it's true, you are a good woman. Then again, you may be the antichrist.” –Doc, Tombstone
- “Maybe poker's just not your game, Ike. I know, let's have a spelling contest.” –Doc, Tombstone
- “And you, music lover, you're next.” -Doc “It's the drunk piano player. You're so drunk you can't hit nothin'. In fact, you're probably seeing double.” -Billy “I have 2 guns, one for each of ya.” –Doc, Tombstone
- “Ed, what an ugly thing to say. I abhor ugliness. Does this mean we're not friends anymore? You know, Ed, if I thought you weren't my friend, I just don't think I could bear it. *puts guns on the table* There. Now we can be friends again.” –Doc, Tombstone
- “Hi! Would you be prepared if gravity reversed itself?” -Chris “I... well... I...” -Mitch “The only thing I can't figure out is how to keep the change in my pockets. I've got it! Nudity!” –Chris, Real Genius
- “No, seriously, listen. If there's ever anything I can do for you, or, more to the point, to you, you let me know, ok?” –Chris, Real Genius
- "Do I look pepie to you!!!" -Jess (me)
- "You see!! It changes color when it dries!! It NEVER stays!! I HAVE to keep the wall wet!!" -Johnny t.h.m.
- "You and your swirly-eyed swordsman can live happily ever after because of me?" -Jess (me again)
- "The world is an odd, odd place. But I posses popcorn, so all is well." -Jess
- "Don't mess with my brain, it's small."
- *durring a flash back before the canser thing* "F**king Canada." -Jean "Hey, I'm from Canada!" -Mike "Oh, that never occurred to me Mikey. Please do forgive my impertinence" -Jean, The movie that has yet to be named... one I'm writing
- "*gasp* She's harassing the trash!" -Cassie "Small one! You molested the garbage? How many times do I have to tell you to leave it alone?! We can't take you anywhere!" -Jess
- "A tissue. I know you'll need one. So go. Now, before it's too late!" -Jess (I really am quite normal... I swair!...)
- "Sir, the truth is, I talk to God all the time, and, no offense, but he never mentioned you." -Phillipe, Ladyhawke
- "I fully expect to meet you at the pearly gates little thief, and don't you dare disappoint me." -Imperius "I'll meet you there father, even if I have to pick the lock." -Phillipe, Ladyhawke
- "Where is Navarre?" -Soldier #1 "Navarre? Navarre? Ah yes. Big man, black horse. I thought I saw him ride south." -Phillipe "Ha, then we ride north." -Soldier #2 "It isn't polite to assume that someone is a liar when you've only just met them." -Phillipe "And yet you knew we would." -Soldier #1 "*talking to God* I told the truth, Lord. How can I learn any moral lessons when you keep confusing me this way?" -Phillipe, Ladyhawke
- "*After picking someone's pocket.* I know I promised, Lord, never again. But I also know that YOU know what a weak-willed person I am." -Phillipe, Ladyhawke
- "I said open this door in the name of His Grace, the Bishop of Aquilla!" -Lieutenant "I've met the bishop, you blasphemous lot! And you look nothing like him!" -Imperius, Ladyhawke
- "If you cut the wings off a fly would it be a walk?" -Little Jess (aka: Small one... is not me) "Hold it, isn't a walk a cooking instrament?" -Jess (me) "So, if you cut the wings off a fly, you can cook in it?" -Cassie (I hang out with odd people...)
- “Oh, who doesn't own an interositer these days?” -Dr. Forrester, Mystery Science Theater 3000 the movie
- “Puppet wranglers? There weren't any puppets in this movie.” -Crow, Mystery Science Theater 3000 the movie
- “Crow you big dope, you can't tunnel through space!” -Servo, Mystery Science Theater 3000 the movie
- “*Everyone is being sucked into the vacuum of space.* Hey, Mike, you think you can toss me my calculations? Thanks! Ah, here it is. ‘Breach Hull - All Die.’ Even had it underlined.” -Crow, Mystery Science Theater 3000 the movie
- “*After breaching the hull in an escape attempt* Well believe me, Mike, I calculated the odds of this succeeding versus the odds I was doing something incredibly stupid... and I went ahead anyway.” -Crow, Mystery Science Theater 3000 the movie
- “Let's slip away under cover of afternoon in the biggest car in the county.” -Mike, Mystery Science Theater 3000 the movie
- “Ah, they're going 65, so they'll be there in 3 BILLION years...” -Servo, Mystery Science Theater 3000 the movie
- “Captain's log: a bunch of our ship fell off, and, nobody likes me.” -Servo, Mystery Science Theater 3000 the movie
- “Captain's log: I've lost my toupee and girdle, and I can't leave my room!” -Servo, Mystery Science Theater 3000 the movie
- “*gazing at the stars* I feel so insignificant... then again, I ALWAYS feel insignificant.” -Crow, Mystery Science Theater 3000 the movie
- “Don't worry, the hand-rails are magnetic.” -Braack “And that would matter if your hands were made of metal.” -Crow, Mystery Science Theater 3000 the movie
- “Where are you going?” -Xavier “To find her.” -Wolverine “How?” -Storm “The traditional way: look!” -Wolverine, X-men
- “Well, this certainly is a big, round room.” -Wolverine, X-men
- “Get out.” -Wolverine “Where am I supposed to go?” -Rogue “I don't know.” -Wolverine “you don't know, or you don't care?” -Rogue “Pick one.” -Wolverine, X-men
- “*commenting on the X-Men uniforms* You actually go outside in these things?” -Wolverine “Well, what would you prefer? Yellow spandex?” -Cyclops, X-men
- “Sabertooth? *looks at Storm* Storm. *looks at Xavier* What do they call you?
‘Wheels?’” -Wolverine, X-men
- “It's me!” -Wolverine “Prove it!” -Cyclops “You're a dick.” -Wolverine “Okay.” -Cyclops, X-men
- “No, no! ‘Rare’ implies dangerously cooked. When I say rare I mean just let it look at the oven in terror, then bring it out to me.” -Wolf, 10th Kingdom
- “I've gone crazy. How can I be talking to a dog?” -Virginia “Bark!” -Prince Wendell “Yes, I have. Don't try to reassure me.” -Virginia, 10th Kingdom
- “Don't worry, I'm not who I used to be. I've had extensive therapy. I realize that I have been using food as a substitute for love and I have the books to prove it - ‘Breaking the Cycle’, ‘Heal Yourself in 7 Days’, ‘Stop Blaming Yourself, Please’, and ‘Help for the Bedwetting Child’, which I picked up by mistake.” -Wolf, 10th Kingdom
- “I get the feeling you still don't completely trust me.” -Wolf “I don't trust you at all! You tried to eat my Grandmother.” -Virginia, 10th Kingdom
- “Forgive us, noble woodsman, but have you seen a gorgeous girl with very long hair?” -Wolf “I haven't seen anything, I'm blind.” -Woodsman “A blind woodsman?” -Tony “Have you ever seen a tree move?” -Woodsman, 10th Kingdom
- “*about Virginia* I need to know if your intentions are honorable.” -Tony “No, not really.” -Wolf, 10th Kingdom
- “Is there something you wanted to get off your chest?” -Queen “I refuse to be a man. I insist on being a dog.” -Wendell, 10th Kingdom
- “I demand to be a happy puppy!” -Wendell, 10th Kingdom
- “Let's just get the rules straight here. There'll be absolutely no partying in this hall between the hours of 5 and 6 in the morning, without my express written permission. OK cool. Carry on.” -Crawl, Son in Law
- “My name's Crawl and I'm the RA. And you are? No wait, don't tell me - Sally? Jessie? Raphael?” -Crawl, Son in Law
- “Where are you from?” -Crawl “South Dakota” -Becca “Fresh off the farm, oh my God, I can't believe it. Hallelujah. So you're inbred?” -Crawl “What?” -Becca “You know, where your mom's your dad, and your dad's your brother.” -Crawl, Son in Law
- “We’re not chewing! We’re eating!” -Bil Peterson
- “For a good time don’t call me, I’m dull”
- “I don’t get it. Her was so tired a minuet ago.” -Marell “Should I shoot him?!” -Millie, Trigun
- “Love and Peace!!” -Vash, Trigun
- “Ya see, you’re like a TV. You just need to fined a guy to turn you on.” -Jess
- “Twitching crackbaby! This is just awful! I need a break- maybe take a walk or fire a deathray at the Earth. Yeah, I think I’ll do that deathray thing.” -J.V., Squee (it’s a comic book)
- “Noooooo!!! I’ve lost the respect of this impolite special ed student! I have no valid reason to live!! (Thank you, Lord, for sarcasm.)” -J.V., Squee
- “Heyyyy... wait a minute. You’re the devil, aren’t you?” -J.V. “Nooo, I’m not the devil. Go away.” -clerk “Ohhh, come on. You’re the devil.” -J.V. “Glaargh! Bloogh! *turns into the devil* Yess! I AM the devil!! Damn you and your mighty word probe!” -clerk, Squee
- “Oh, my God!! Someone put shit in my pants!!!!!” -some guy on a date...., Squee (actually, most of the ones I’m saying are from ‘Squee’ are from ‘Johnny the Homicidal Maniac’, but I have them in ‘Squee’s Wonderful Big Giant Book of Unspeakable Horrors’ so...yeah. Not that any of you really care...) Thanks for the comic Merry!!
- “Try the stew... Eez deelishus...” -Johnny, Squee
- “Goddamnit! My ass is beeping again!” -Squee’s dad, Squee
- “*falling from a window* I laid eggs in your head!! A whole bunch of them!! *splat!* I hate you all...” -Evil giant dust mite, Squee
- “Squee!! Get off the roof! The doors are locked, so you’ll have to go down the chimney.” -Squee’s mom, Squee (if you haven’t, you need to read this comic!)
- “By this point I’ve lost all my literate readers.” -J.V., Squee
- “I am known by many names. Son of the dark prince, child of darkness. Some call me the altar boy of doom. Others will know me as the second coming of damnation. My mom calls me Pepito.” -the anti-Christ..., Squee
- “Margie, that strange little neighbor boy is sleeping on the roof with a crowbar again.” -old neighbor guy “This neighborhood... I swear...” -Margie, Squee
- But, that’s a chicken!! That’s not a human female! A chicken!” -guy “No trickery, human! You can not fool us! We have done our research!” -alien “No really! That’s a chicken! We eat chickens, we don’t screw them!! Well, some people do, but... *is threatened with a big sharp spiny weapon* Boyyy, do I love chickens!!” -guy, Squee
- “ Ah, darling, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you. You see, I am Satan.” -Satan (duh) “Hmmm, that would explain the basement. But... I’ve always been such a good Christian woman.” -wife “Well... Then let’s both be thankful for irony.” -Satan, Squee
- “Candy is dandy, but sex won’t rot your teeth.” -Betty..... she’s a pervert... just like me!
- "I'll be fine, I just need to get happy and push my pain deep down inside of me so it adds to the ever growing ball of hate in me that will one day consume me completely and drive me to do who knows what. ^_^" -Jess
- "'Monkey' is not an adequate response. If you wrote 'monkey' as the answer to all these questions, you'd fail. You'd fail a whole lot." -Megan Parks
- "Oh pointy bird. Oh pointy, pointy. Anoint my head. Anointy, nointy." -Monty Python (Megan, that's for you.)
- "Hey ma! Get off the dang bomb!" -Hick-man, The South takes over the West (By Megan and Me! We rule! We rule good [or benevolently, as Megan would say]!)
- "I think the quotation mark is man's greatest accomplishment." -Jess
- "Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right." -Woody Allen
- "You know, Druged Kids Against America. I mean, Kids against Drugs in America." -Megan Parks
- "Are you okay?" -cop "Well, I'm kind of f**ked up in general, so it's hard to gadge." -Randolf, Death to Smoochy
- "Make like a shepard and get the flock out of here!" -Mr. Thomas (I hate the man, but he can be funny... when he's not failing me because he doesn't like drama people! Daaaaahhhhh!... anyway...)
- "Sleep is for the weak!" -Kris M. (two minuets before passing out from exhaustion)
- "You think you've seen everything, then you see a man riding a chair." -Bil Peterson
- "It's the Mike Pehl Show, featureing Prism!" -Cary (Okay, Prism is the big choir show at my school and Mike Pehl was in like 15 solos... you had to be there...)
- "If Jesus were alive today, he'd drive a zambony. Because, unlike most cars, it does not polute the earth or the lungs of his children, but rather cleans the ice, much like how he cleans our souls of sin. It is a car of peace." -Jen Webster... the oddest human on the planet... next to me, of couse
- "I could take a scoop of ice-cream and a scoop of butter and eat them both together! There's that much butter!" -Cory (....What?)
- "I'm gonna call 'um glowy-o's! We'll make a fortune!" -Jen Webster
- "How do you make a dead baby float? Root-beer and two scoops of dead baby." -Steve Campbell
- "And then someone was like 'Cassie, the pretzel empire is crumbling!' And thus the snack shack entered the Pretzel Reconstruction Era." -Cassie Powell
- "Everyone's normal. Well, everyone except Jessica... and guys with mullets that drive Tranzams." -Steve Campbell (...love ya too, Steve...)
- "The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder." -Alfred Hitchcock.
- "I went to watch Pavarotti once. He doesn't like it when you join in."
- "If you've got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow." -John Wayne
- [to the Goth girl] “When you get up in the morning, how do you decide what shade of black to wear?” –Alex, Shallow Grave (this is a problem I often have...)
- “They went up there alive and came back down dead! Did you notice that? The difference, I mean: alive, dead, dead, alive, that sort of thing? It wasn't difficult to spot. He killed them both.” –Alex, Shallow Grave
- “Do you feel you're a star?” –Interviewer “No. I see stars sometimes, though.” –Bon Scott, AC/DC
- “I have a package for you, sir.” –Ace “Sounds broken.” –Man “Most likely; I bet it was something nice, though!” –Ace, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
- “I just visited Ray Finkle's place.” –Ace “And?” –Melissa “Cozy, if you're Hannibal Lecter.” –Ace, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
- [Juliet, Alex and David are about to dispose of Hugo's body by rendering it unidentifiable] “I can't do it.” -Juliet “But Juliet, you're a doctor. You kill people every day.” –Alex, Shallow Grave
- “Why do you want to get out early anyway? What are you going to do with yourself?” –Wayne “Well, get a haircut, pay taxes, die.” –Sabastian, The Adventures of Sebastian Cole
- “Can I ask you a question?” –Boy “What is it?” –Striker “It's an interrogative form of sentence, used to test knowledge. But that's not important right now.” –Boy, Airplane II
- “Go back to your fancy cars, and your big bank accounts, and your celebrity friends, and your beautiful women, and Victoria Silvestedt, Playmate of the Year... F**K!” –Coop, BASEketball
- “Bob, in all my years of calling games, I don't think I've ever been this excited!” - Al Michaels “You're excited? Feel these nipples!” - Bob Costas, BASEketball
- “Oh, I'll come, I love hospitals.” –Reemer “No you don't, you like Taco Bell!” –Coop “No, this one time I was at this hospital in France, and I got together with this great chick.” –Reemer “Dude, that was a hostel.” –Coop, BASEketball
- “If I make this next shot, you'll stop calling me Squeak?” –Squeak “Okay.” –Reemer “Or bitch?” –Squeak “Or bitch.” -Reemer and Coop [Squeak throws the ball and misses.] “Tough break, Squeak.” –Reemer “Yeah, now you gotta fetch the ball, bitch.” –Coop, BASEketball
- “What's the matter with Coop?” –Referee 1 “I don't know, but he's 1 for 11 and he smells like Christian Slater!” –Referee 2, BASEketball
- “Thanks a lot, Doctor Dickhead! You totally f**ked me there!” –Coop “Dude, relax. It was a joke.” –Reemer “Why don't you give it up! She doesn't even like you!” –Coop “You think she got the hots for you? Shit. Squeak has a better chance with her then you do.” –Reemer “Hey, you think?” –Squeak “That is low. You son of a bitch.” –Coop “Why is that low?!” –Squeak “Dude, I know you're feeling jealous right now. Don't blame me because I have a sweet ass! I can't help it!” –Reemer, BASEketball
- “We win, and they get the chicks. That sucks, dude.” –Reemer “I'm telling you, it's jobs. We gotta get jobs. Then we get the khakis. Then we get the chicks.” –Coop, BASEketball
- “You guys haven't changed since high school!” –Old Classmate “Cool!” –Coop and Reemer “No, it's not!” –Old Classmate, BASEketball
- “Hey pigf**ker, can I call you pigf**ker?” –Coop “No, only my friends can call me pigf**ker.” –Reemer, BASEketball
- “If you want unanimous consent, you're gonna have to get it from one of the other owners.” –Coop, BASEketball
- “You're bed is over here.” –Reemer [indicates a dog bed] “Dude, that is so f**kin' weak! How am I supposed to get a chick in that?” –Squeak “Oh, don't worry, dude. You couldn't get a chick if you had a hundred dollar bill hanging out of your zipper.” –Coop “Yeah I could.” –Squeak “No. Dude, you're a little bitch!” –Reemer “I am not! I don't even know why I hang out with you guys, anyway.” –Squeak “'Cause you're a piece of shit.” –Coop “I am not a piece of shit!” –Squeak “Yeah, but you're a little bitch.” –Reemer “Goddammit! I swear if you guys rip on me 13 or 14 more times... I'm outta here!” –Squeak, BASEketball
- "At least I’m under the delusion of doing something productive."
- “Or you'll do what? Release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths that shoot bees at you when they bark?”
- "Love is like death when it is only felt by one person"
- “Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.” -Woody Allen, Without Feathers
- “If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.” - Woody Allen, Without Feathers
- "A picture's worth a thousand words, and this one says 'I hate cameras.'" -Jess
Links
"My 'What the hell?!'" A little page my friend Cassie made... no one outside our group will get any of it, but what the hell.
"State of Decay" um... this is on here cuz I think the guy who made it is hot... so... yeah...
Well, that's all I have time for now, but trust me there WILL be more, and more, and more, etc....
E-mail me!
For Cassie (right click, save target as)