1997: discovering internet 

 Through a friend of mine I got a job in a small airline in Brussels. They had 2 wide body aircraft that were rarely in Belgium but all the operations were arranged from our small office. After the working up period I was able to work in their particular shift system of 24hrs nine days per month. This allowed a lot of free time to spend the big money we made. At night I was alone in that building and after locking the outside doors I could change into comfortable heels and skirt for the rest of the night. This was also the place I discovered Internet and discovered with awe how many people on earth were not straight in their gender. This awakening and the combination of time and money started me thinking over possible different lifestyles but this was still too early and remained in the dream phase. I needed many more years of varied information before I started opening up and actually doing anything about my being different. That year I also got hired as chief pilot of a neighbouring Para club and got checked out in their leased 22 seat DHC6 Twin Otter and also got a seat in an old historic WW2 bomber operation.

xxxxxtwin otterxxxxxx

1998: growing apart 

A year full of activities. The job with the airline, 5 weeks as a ski instructor during the first months, chief pilot of the DHC6 Twin Otter of the Para club with deployments to France and Spain, formation air rides with the 3 Stearman PT17’s and some training on a World War 2 B25 Mitchell bomber. 

xxxxxstearmanxxxx

With all my activities I did not spend too much time with my wife and this even got worse when she decided unilaterally to work in a Headquarter at Ramstein Germany for the next 5 years. This was 330 km from our home and would require her to stay there all week starting in September. I did not want to abandon my property and we agreed I would stay one week in Belgium and go one week to Germany, while both of us would spend the weekends in Belgium. Because of the lack of flying activities in winter this worked out well that first year.

1999: the relation evaporates

I spent most of the winter organizing an air show in France as a display director and was glad it was over in June.  I finally got checked out as captain of the B25 bomber and started the display routine training shortly thereafter performing at shows throughout Europe. 

xxxxxb25xxxxx

After our Twin Otter Para drop aircraft was ferried back to the USA we got a rented GAF22 Nomad of flying doctor’s fame. Little did I know that machine would be responsible for changing my life (style). Needless to say I rarely saw my wife that summer and we both developed our separate life apart from each other. We had no arguments but the sparkles and butterflies were totally gone and I rarely even touched her anymore. Neither of us had anybody else nor I had no need for sexual contacts anyway. We rapidly grew apart but the outside world or family did not notice.

2000: The flying accident that woke me up

After a few ski vacations as an instructor I was asked to fill in for a few weeks in Italy as part of my reserve duties. I also had big plans to get my conversion on a Hawker Hunter historic jet fighter that had been purchased by a Belgian collector. By June all this had to be revised because during the ascension weekend the most dramatic event in my life happened. During a routine Para drop one of my engines exploded and broke off its mount when in flight. While I was able to keep that crippled machine in the air for a few minutes all paratroopers got out without a scratch but I was too low to jump and performed a forced landing on a very uneven tank track.  I will spare you the details but I saw death before my eyes a few times before finally being able to get out of that burning airplane and run for safety. 

xxcrashxxxxxxxx

Within 24 hours I had decided to quit flying as a pilot being almost 50 with 5000 hours and 10.000 landings on 74 various aircraft types in my logbook. I thought life was too short and I wanted to do something else as flying as well. I wanted to discover my own needs without being hampered by restrictive commitments. I now got much more time to relax which for me meant strolling around everywhere in my heels and relaxing in sensual smooth clothing at home. My wife and parents were glad I quit flying but had no clue what this would lead to in the years to come. A few months later our Great Dane died and created quite a void in our house. No more daily strolls with that dog, no more being tied up with its restrictions. I cried very hard when she died but was glad to have regained that freedom as well after being the primary caretaker for this unwanted 4-footer since 7 years. A sail holiday in Corsica and a 3-week trip through the southwest of the USA with my wife brought up many very emotional moments of crying to still be alive and able to see and do all this. My wife often said I was a completely different person after my accident, much more emotional and uncertain and I only can concur with that.

2001: discovering freedom again

I spent the first six months of that year in Italy on a temporary job for the air force. I’m all by myself in a luxury suite and have lots of free time as long as I can be at my job in 2 hours notice by mobile phone. I thoroughly enjoyed this freedom and did lots of shopping trips and went to life concerts at least 3 times per week. I wore nothing but heels and often went to breakfast in the hotel during the weekends wearing an ankle length skirt. The warmer it got, the more often I wore skirts outside during my free time. Strange but I did not miss my wife and when she came to visit me for a week I felt a prisoner again, obliged to wear the clothing she prepared and bought for me. When she was gone, it felt as a relief and shopping and wearing nice (feminine) clothing and shoes felt much more natural to me. This period again was another turning point in my life. It learned me I was much more happy being myself and celibately than part of a marriage. Life would never be the same after this anymore, but how do I explain that to my wife.