Disclaimer, ect: Refer to prologue

Journal of Naomi Wildman
Day 279, Year 8

I am now the equivalent of a seventeen-year-old human. I am still growing faster than the average human, but a constantly slowing down. I’m told that in four or five years, I will age at the rate of a Human. At least, that’s what the Doctor told me this morning.

Today the crew received their annual medical exams. Ever since Voyager landed on the planet, the Doctor has only been activated once annually for these exams, or in an emergency. We need to save energy, and our technology. We can’t have the Doctor’s holo-emitter wearing out. Today nearly half the crew and their children were done, and he should be finished by the 281st day.

I had my exam this morning. I haven't seen the Doctor for an entire year. I had forgotten what he looked like, and his personality. I remember, when he used to teach me science every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. Wow, I haven't used the Julian Calendar for years.

It must be horrible; to know you will only be conscious once or twice a year. He’s locked up, so they can keep him as long as possible. He never has time to pursue his hobbies any more. When I saw him today, I could tell it was affecting him.

He doesn’t hum anymore, and he’s never talking about his latest holoprogram, or his photographs. It’s like he’s reverting back to what he used to be, when he was first activated. I never knew him when he was first activated, because I was just a baby, but that’s what Neelix and Tom have told about the Doctor.

When I was younger, I used to forget he was a hologram. It was hard for me to understand that someone so real and unique was just a projection of light. It seems more and more convincing now, the longer he’s deactivated. Not just to me, but everyone, including the Doctor himself.

I wish that we were still on Voyager, were we could have him on all the time. Now, he’s loosing himself, if you can do that. He gets less real, more artificial every year. He even seems to have accepted it.

The holo-emitter has started to malfunction. Nobody but senior staff is supposed to know, but I overheard. Soon, the Doctor will be gone, for real. He’ll be dead, in a sense. I think that I should be sad, but I don’t feel much. Isn't that horrible?

I felt much sadder when Voyager was first destroyed. Then, I missed him so much. I cried a lot because of that. It seemed like he had died, and now he’s just a hologram.

I think that Captain Janeway is worried. He may be lost as early as the 9th year. There’s no one else fully qualified for being a Doctor. Tom could do most of the work, as could Megan and Harold. But they only know a little more than a nurse does.

Lately I was thinking that perhaps I should train to be a doctor. That’s not really what I always wanted, but I know the crew needs a doctor. I’m young, and a quick learner. I already know quite a bit on biology. Maybe the Doctors last days could be spend training me and a couple others.

Well, whatever happens, I’m old enough now to really help out. I’ll do whatever I need to do to help the crew. Oh, Neelix is telling me to go to sleep, and to save the candles.

Good night,
Naomi