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Advice for Satanic Web Page Design

To be taken seriously, the True Satanist must have a well designed web site. The aim of this page to assist you in creating the perfect design.

We discuss three key areas:

  • Site Style
  • Site Content
  • Site entry page

Web Site Style

Style is always more important than content in Satanic sites.

Why?

Because without style, no Satanist will bother with your content. And style is content.

The key elements of style for a Satanist are:

  • a: color scheme,
  • b: graphics, and
  • c: link methodology.
  • d: Title
  • e: Your e-mail name

A. Color Scheme.

The preferred color scheme is black background and red text. Immediately, this identifies a Satanic site. A legitimate, if frequently overlooked alternative is the one used here - 222 gray, and of course the red text. The perfect symbolism of 222 gray made up of 222 Red, 222 Blue, and 222 Green cannot be overlooked. However the message conveyed by the sum of the three components may be too subtle for some.

B. Graphics.

A Satanic web site must be extremely graphics intensive. Use large graphics on every page of your site and do not use compression. Bandwidth is not a problem for true Satanists who have all petitioned the Dark One for T1 connections or better. And for those with lesser connections due to their inadequate belief, the extended load times prove invaluable for reflection upon the power of Lucifer.

C: Link Methodology.

Often disregarded as an element of style, how you do your links - both internal and external - is a reflection upon you. The underlined words method is just not on. The True Satanist carefully buries all links in graphics. It is a real thrill to visit a Satanic web site in which the opening page is a scan of an uncompressed 1600 x 1200 woodcut from 1387 in which links to the internal pages are buried in single and double pixels. Believers will be impressed as they eagerly seek out your links; the casual browser will just go away without getting the opportunity to drop insults in your guestbook.

D: Title.

The title of your site is a key element of style. Preferably it should be made up, in part, of one of the names of Satan and, also Church or a synonym. A good one - which can be purchased from me for $5000 if you cannot think of your own - is The Third Luciferian Reform Temple

E: E-mail Name.

This is another element in establishing your credibility. Use any name you want but ensure it has 666 in it.

Content:

Unfortunately, pure style is not enough. There must be some content if for nothing else than to be the background against which your style can be displayed. The following are elements which should appear in any True Satanist's Web Site.

A. Marilyn Manson Tribute Page:

Enough said. Was it possible to be a Satanist before Marilyn Manson?

B. Nude Images:

Everyone knows Satanism and Nudity go together. If you cannot produce your own images, just scan in some good Vallejo.

C. The Eleven Satanic Rules; the Twenty-One Satanic Points; the Nine Satanic Sins; and the Nine Satanic Statements:

Yes these are in every other Satanic site, but you must reproduce them in full in your site (not just links) to give yourself credibility as a Serious Satanic Thinker and to add complexity to your site design.

D. Your Own Views:

This is the section where you give the world the benefit of your own personal take on Satanism. What is I recommend here is a large graphic consisting of demons cunningly arranged to make up the letters of the words UNDER CONSTRUCTION. Visitors will be so impressed by your design efforts they will not notice your lack of original ideas.

Entry Page:

Your entry page is critical. It is where you set the style and invite others to explore further.

  • Feature the Title graphic at the top of the page. Don't use text. Use a Graphic Image of the Title. This way you can guarantee that the unreadable complex font you have chosen for the title is displayed exactly as you intend.
  • Below the title, a large graphic, at least 1152 x 864. If you cannot draw, scan in a Giger. No-one can tell the difference between an Alien and Satan anyway. Hide the link to continue into your site in this graphic.
  • Next on the page should be a link to the Blue Ribbon Free Speech Campaign. All Satanists believe in Free Speech for everyone.
  • Not on the page, but in a pop-up window, you should have a message to Christians telling them to shut-the-fuck-up, you don't want to hear from them and if they send you e-mail or sign your guestbook, you'll track them down and kill them.
  • And did I mention the link to the Blue Ribbon Free Speech Campaign. All Satanists believe in Free Speech for everyone.
  • Finally, on your entry page, place the message "Best viewed at 800 x 600 resolution." To those not in the know, this looks like guidance for browser settings, but acutely it is a coded satanic spell designed personally by Marilyn Manson to protect your site from hackers.

That's it for basic guidance. If you've got this far, you are now qualified to proceed with designing your own Satanic Web Page.