GYYAAAAAH!! Welcome to the humble web page of the new version of Doomsday, e-wrestler extrordinaire! I'm not exactly sure what I'll put up on here, but I'm sure you'll like it. Until then, stay tuned, or I'll have to make ya...

However, until I DO put somethin' up here, in case ya found this page by accident, allow me to tell ya all about the e-wrestler known as Doomsday.

(The camera starts rolling in the FWA arena in Chillicothe, Ohio, shortly after Saturday Gauntlet. The show has just ended, and the crowd has started to leave. Suddenly, "Crush 'Em" by Megadeth pumps in over the PA, bringing the crowd to its feet. The curtain is shoved aside, and out walks the massive figure of Doomsday in his street clothes. The big man heads down to the ring, slapping hands with the wildly cheering crowd. He grabs a mic from the ring announcer and steps into the ring, ducking under the top rope, as he goes to the center of the ring. As his music fades and the crowd calms down Doomsday brings the mic up to his face and begins to speak.)

Doomsday: Yo! If you people had a blast during Saturday Gauntlet, lemme hear ya SCREEAAAMM!!!

(The crowd erupts! Doomsday smiles at them, then resumes.)

Doomsday: Ya know, when it was time for me vs. Pinata Perfecto a little earlier, I sure hope nobody blinked, 'cause it was over just that quick! But just in case ya didn't catch it the first time, let's see that again. Activate the FWATron!

Doomsday: The world's biggest luchador...nothin' but a big greasy spot on the canvas now. Kinda reminds me of what the future holds for Jesse "Pizza Killer" Sane. I'll say this much: I laughed just as hard as everybody else when he punked out Pizz...err...I mean, Future Former Employee of the FWA. But ya see, therein lies the rub. I AIN'T PIZZA 3:16. Goin' against me is kinda like matchin' up a VW Beetle against a fully loaded freight train. Don't believe me? Just scrape the remains of Pinata Perfecto off the mat and ask him. Now, knowing Sane, he might bring up my first match here, where I lost to Roland Stern. Well, see, I can already tell you and admit that I made a mistake in that match: I underestimated Mr. Stern. He just happened to be able to capitalize. In the words of another famous wrestler, it will never, EH-EH-EH-ever, happen again. That match was simply me adjusting to the FWA crowd. As you can see, by the time I was ready for Pinata Perfecto, I had the crowd reactions down to predictability. They'd cheer the fantastic moves, and stay neutral on the mediocre moves. But come Wednesday Mercury, I don't intend to do anything mediocre. I'm gonna make it obvious that I don't get paid by the hour. Jesse Sane, all due respect, but on Wednesday Mercury, you're gonna find out what the Cataclysm is all about. And ya wanna know why I can say that and all you can do is stand there with a not-so-smart look on your face and take it? 'Cause I'm da bomb, I'm da sh!t, I'm DA MAN, and can't nobody stop me, BABY!