Title: Never Regret
Author: Eileen Whipple
Classification: A
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Perhaps a bit of "Memento Mori"
Keywords: Character death
Summary: Scully writes a letter to Mulder about a decision he had to make
and her feelings on it.
Disclaimer: The characters mentioned in this story belong to Chris Carter
and 10-13 Productions. Simple, yet to the point.
Author's Notes: This is the first letter vignette I've written. I started
this version of it today, October 13, 1998 and finished it a few hours
later, all to commemorate this X-Files day. Actually, I wrote it because
I've been haunted by this idea since Friday and thought I should write it
down.  This was kind of inspired by diary entries in "Memento Mori".

**Never Regret**

Dear Mulder,

I guess it's my own fault that I'm here, on my deathbed. I have an IV stuck
in my hand, tubes stuck up my nose and down my throat, assisting my
breathing. I am still conscious even though the painkillers I'm on make me
sound like I'm half-asleep. I hate it all but it's my fault I'm like this.

Several weeks ago, you were given the chance to make a decision. This
chance was given to you by your enemy and your sister's father, the
despicable Cancer Man. You had to make a choice: get the cure for my cancer
or get your long-lost sister Samantha back.

I know you had a hard time deciding. I know you didn't want me to die but
you wanted your sister back. This was the biggest decision of your life.

I had some say in it. "Mulder, do what you feel is right," I said as you
held me in an embrace.

"I don't know what is right." You looked down at me. "I care about Samantha
and I care about you."

I rested my head on your shoulder and exhaled a breath that sounded like a
sigh. "I know you'll do the right thing." I focused my gaze on you. "My
cancer's in remission so go get Samantha."

I'd spoken too soon.

You got you sister back but I know you hoped you could somehow get my cure.
While all of this was happening, the cancer in me came back in full force.

You told me that if you'd known this was going to happen so soon, you would
have chosen my cure. You're a good liar. I know you better than that--you
wouldn't give up a chance to find your sister.

You have a new family now. You're an uncle to Samantha's two beautiful
little girls and you are so happy. I could never take this joy from you. I
would have to be a selfish monster to do that.

However, I wish that somehow, we could have both gotten what we wanted but
I'm glad Samantha's back. Your search is finally over--your search for your
sister anyway. I know some Truth is still out there for you to find.

I appreciate everything you've done for me and I know you've sacrificed a
lot. I'm not too sure why I helped you decide over the thing that would
save my life. Perhaps it's because I was able to grow up with my brothers
and sister, and you didn't. My reward for helping you was seeing you with
your mother and Samantha's family when you last visited me. I wish you all
the best.

This--what's happening to me now--is my fault because I didn't ask you to
give up your sister for my cure. I know you wouldn't have done it and I
would never have dreamed about asking you.

This is a crisis I never told you about and there are many other things you
don't know about me: my thoughts, my inner demons...but let's just leave it
at that.

When you read this, I'll probably already have passed on but I make this one
request: never regret the decision you made because I don't. I think it's
the best thing you could've done and hopefully, knowing my feelings will
help you to not regret what you did.

Your friend,
Dana Scully

****************
Please send all feedback to: avatar27@connect.ab.ca
Thanks!