Rachel is on the footbridge, waiting for the Pimpernel to show up. And waiting... and waiting...
The actress cannot conceal her anxiety. She looks surreptitiously to the wings, but he's not there.
Finally Chauvelin makes his entrance, and is clearly perplexed when he sees, not the Pimpernel, but Marguerite still there. He seems to wonder if he should go back offstage, but a strange rumble, as of elephants in the distance, gives him pause. Marguerite shrugs her shoulders. The rumbling becomes louder.
At last! Enter Douglas, wig askew,
trailing his coat, his ruffled blouse
torn. Rex throws up his hands, as if to
say, "I give up!" Rachel says to
Douglas, in a stage whisper,
"Missing
your cue doesn't qualify as an adlib,
dear!"
Douglas opens his mouth to
answer, when:
Offstage, clear as a bell, a female voice is heard singing... to the tune of "David walked into the valley":
"I walked in to the Minskoff
With my Playbill in my hand
It was Saturday night,
and I knew that I needed my
man..."
Douglas, in obvious terror, runs and cowers behind Rachel's voluminous skirts (an easy feat, even as big a guy as he is).
Enter Jen, Douglas's
dresser,
speaking to someone in the wings as
she enters walking backwards:
"Mr. Sills will be
down in three hours and thirty-eight
minutes. If you don't want to wait..."
She never finishes, because the
now-deafening rumble of footsteps cuts
her off, and she is trampled and shoved
aside by a group of crazed women
wielding programs and cameras. As they
enter, their leader continues her song:
"There will always be the
traffic
Always taxicabs to dodge
There will always be outrageous fees
in some parking garage"
Others join in, different parts of the group on different lines, like a conversation. As they sing, some of them are clearly searching for their adored one:
"Into traffic!
To the city!
To the Minskoff!
Don't be late!
Back again, back again;
we're obsessed,
and he is our fate!
Into darkness!
Into snowstorms!
Though our men protest and fight
Don't give in,
don't give up,
and give thanks for the glorious
sight..."
And they spot him! In ecstasy they descend upon him, plowing Rachel and Rex out of the way. They ALL continue the song, performing the actions they are singing about:
"...of our Douglas,
there he is now!
Now get those cameras
ready
and go,
girls!
Let the thrill of his presence
embolden
you,
Go get a kiss,
girls!
Never hold back your step for a
moment
When you see him your courage will
grow
And you'll forget your boyfriend or
husband that you have at home!"
A manned ticket booth slides onstage, and immediately some of the crowd shoves their way into line, while others still have Douglas occupied with signing things and posing for pictures. The ones at the ticket booth break into their own various discussions:
"Are there tickets?
For tonight's show?
Mezzanine,
yes,
I don't care
To see Doug,
to see Doug,
I must go;
yes, I'll sit anywhere!
Get your wallet!
Got the money?"
(someone shakes her head)
"Charge it then;
yes,
go ahead!
Yes, it's deep into debt we shall go
But we'll be smiling,
if dead
Someone pick up the Playbills!
Are there any new souvenirs in,
girls?
Though the world thinks us mad,
dears
By God, you know we must have it
all,
girls
For if our Douglas signed it,
its value
Never shall be disputed,
you know
Hold your head even higher
and into the Minskoff we go!"
Giving in, Douglas finally sings a little solo:
"Let the Pimpys strike!
Though their flashbulbs.."
(one goes off)
"...may shock you
Choke your fears away
Though they stalk and conspire
Let their fever spike
Let the force of it rock you
Yes, I've had my day!
I've been burned by the fire!"
With a mighty:
"HEAVE HO!"
the women lift him, so he is lying down, borne on their shoulders. ....Music.... Key change..... :)
"Someone has to face the
traffic
Rush hour,
or not,
we must return,
girls!
When the world laughs and mocks us
By God, we must go back yet again,
girls!
Never hold back your step for a
moment!
Look alive,
your obsession will grow
Yes, we must see dear Pimpy
even if from the very... last
row!"
Douglas, from his precarious perch, resigned:
"Into fire!"
And everyone, even Douglas, as they carry him offstage, past the ticket booth and into the theater:
"ONWARD HO!"
Barbara Trenn
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