I’ll Give You Something More



A fanfic by carter_colby


Disclaimer:All characters belong to abc TV and I’m merely borrowing them for my twisted pleaseure. The words and concepts are mine other than Psychopomp by the Tea Party and Every me and Every you-From Placibo.

Rating:PG-13, We see Nikolas in a bit of a fit.

Summery:Kathrine is unable to break off her realationship with Nikolas.




“Wait a sec, I’m coming.” Emily hollered on her way down the stairs, jumping past the last three stairs and landing with a thud on her butt. “Oooowwwwwwwwww, one sec” She scrambled to on to her white socked feet and limped to the door grinning. Which vanished when she opened the door and saw the dripping wet woman standing there.
”Kathrine”
“Emily. Hi, are you alright? I saw you fall”
“Great” Emily muttered and then repeated loudly, “Great, I’m great, you?”
“Um, not too bad, look, I’m sort of in a rush, is Nikolas around?” She leaned her head in and looked, her blond locks curling from the rain,
“Nikolas?” Emily’s face turned from a blank to one of heartbreaking disappointment “Nikolas? You came to see Nikolas?”
“Yes, look, it’s cold, wet, raining, I’m in a rush, is he here?”
“No”
“Oh, well then, can you tell me where he is?”
“Yeah, he’s in the stable with his-”
“Horse. Thanks, I’ll try him there. Good night” She turned around and the water from her hair spraying Emily as she did so. She hopped down the stairs and ducked her head down, racing carelessly in the rain, her trench coat swinging back and forth, revealing her calves. Emily watched her make her way towards the stable. She shut the door and sighed, leaning her head against the door and watched Kathrine splash in puddles. The noises on the stairs took her eyes away from it,
“Liz, hey”
“Kathrine?”
“How could you tell?”
“The smell of peroxide and hair bleach was just...overwhelming.” The two girls looked at each other and burst out laughing. Liz held out her hand and Emily took it, the two running up the stairs laughing.

~~~

Kathrine opened the door peered into the stables and took a cautious step in. It was quiet and calm and dark, so different from the house, with the music blaring and the lights all on and the hostility, here, the stable, it was inviting and warm. “Nikolas?” She spoke softly, afraid of disturbing the peace and tranquility. She sensed someone behind her and froze.
“Hey Kat!” he wrapped his arms around her waist from behind and pulled her close, kissing her neck up and down, the two of them swaying slowly.
“Hey” she smiled and turned her head to her right, pecking his lips, “Mmm, marshmallow lip stuff”
“mmhumm” His hand moved to the small of her back and for Nikolas it was a familiar place but it wasn’t enough for him. She smiled and kissed him again and he turned this kiss into something a bit more passionate than the last. Or at least he tried. Her lips would not part and her body which was relaxed in his arms stiffened up. He turned her around. “Kat? What’s wrong?”
“Nothing” She shook her head hand sprayed him with water from her hair.
“Still raining?” he asked as he broke away and walked towards the end of the barn, where the hey was piled and a large brown horse bent it’s head and ate it. He walked towards Sheba and gently stroked her coat.
“Nikolas, I , did I do something to offend you?” She walked towards him and asked. He merely shook his head and looked down. “Nikolas?I’m sorry, About, back there, you, you called me Kat”
“I’m sorry, I-”
“Don’t be Nikolas, that’s a nickname, that’s the first time in a very long time anyone has called me that, it’s almost-”
“Intimate?” He turned to her and asked
“Exactly.” She walked to the other side of Sheba and brushed her coat with her fingers. “So this is the famous Sheba?” She looked up and smiled at Nikolas
“Yes, this is she” Kathrine smiled almost sadly. “Something’s wrong isn’t it?”
“What?”She shook her head to clear it, “Nikolas, what?”
“Something’s wrong isn’t it? And you’re trying to tell me in a way of not hurting me”
“Would keeping you from pain be such a bad thing?”she paused and Sheba made a noise “What, what makes you think it’s bad Nikolas?”
“Well Kathrine,” They both noticed the name, her full name, “We got into a new stage, one that didn’t have all that physical intimacy, instead, more of an emotional one”
“And?”
“And I know you Kathrine, and every time We reach that stage you pull back, launch right into sex mode, using sex as a substitute for Love” She heard the capital W on we, as well as the L.
“Do I now Nikolas, how interesting that you think you can psycho-analyze me, bu-”
“I’m not done.”
“You’re not are you?”
“No! And when I bring it up you get like this, on the defensive.”
“I am not!”
“Kathrine, don’t deny it, every time I try to get close to you, you run, it’s in your nature to run, shut down, try to fool me with sex and call it Love. You wimp out Kathrine, you are a coward hiding behind your haughtiness, your untouchibility. You are so out of touch with your own emotion that when somebody touches them, you don’t even know it!! You Kathrine Bell are one cold Bitch!”
“Am I really? And you Nikolas are naive. You think you can hurt me like this? You think I don’t see this every time I look into the mirror?” her voice was cold and above him, as if she was talking down to him, he knew he had gone too far.
“Kat, I’m sorry” He tried to walk around Sheba to hold her and apologize to her and, damn it, he did this every time! She always drove him insane with her ice princess image, and every time he believed he had made it in, she blocked him off, making it harder and harder for him to get in. It was just that every time he got near here he just wanted to grab her and tell her he loved her and wanted her and ... the thought went unfinished as she walked away from him and spoke, her words coming out hard and crisp, as if she were talking with Stephan or Ned. It was not the voice she used when talking to him, in or out of the office, soft and subtle, sexy and slow, one word leading into the next, purring almost like a cat. “I’m glad you told me this Nikolas, that you are unhappy with the way I am, Oh there goes my self-esteem!” Her voice hardened like steel and she glared into her eyes, “Nikolas, I’ve never fooled anyone, held them at an arms length. They fool themselves in thinking there's someone warm and cuddly in here. You tell me what you want and I try my hardest to deliver, you fall in love with the “ She manipulated her breath into a deep and breathless voice “Deep and thought provoking vulnerable damsel in distress” Her voice returned to it’s hardened nature and she cocked one eye up, smirking at him wickedly “well Nikolas, I haven’t needed to be saved since that dragon kept me hostage in that castle off in Never Never Land. You found this out, your masculinity is threatened and so you lash out. You learn to love the pain you feel Nikolas, like father like son. I too have some concerns about this, this” She struggled with herself trying to find the right word “Liaison” Pauses and pursed lips “Entanglement actually.”
“Really?”
“I think that we should stop. Now!”
“Really? And do you expect me to, what? Quit Deceptions?”
“No, you love what you do and do it well. It’s not “Her voice softened ever so slightly, so carefully “Nikolas, “ she moved towards him
“Nikolas, I just want, so badly, all I ever needed was the One, and I found him, in you, but I’m not the One for you. Not the best, “
“So you’re saying that I should go for someone like Emily?”
“If you want” her voice had returned to the crispness and what little light that was in the stable shut off, letting the blue fog brighten up the room. Kathrine quickly turned her head to the side, looking out the window and turned around “Good bye, Nikolas, I guess.” She was disoriented slightly, as was he, the meaning of her words just entering his head, and left him grasping with thin air for something to hold onto. And then, everything became clear, he was losing her and he would not let that happen. It happened once, the night of the ball, when Kathrine was pushed, fell, left him, it left him sort of empty, not again. “You can’t make me disappear just because you say it’s over Kathrine, I have a say in this too.” His voice streched across the barn and stopped her in her tracks. She would not lie to him now, if he knew anything about her, stake his life on one thing, it would be the fact that she would be honest to him. He hoped. He was right. Kathrine stopped, her shoulders slumped and defeated yet back and straight. She did not speak to him, instead, down to the ground “There is no way we can be together. There’s no way people will understand or accept it.”
“Is that what this is about Kathrine? What others think? That’s not you.”
“No it’s not,” she spoke to the ground again, “It’s not for me, it’s for you, Nikolas, I just want you to have a normal life, we can never have that, can’t you see?” Nikolas crossed the distance between them with two strides and grabbed her arms roughly, turning her,
“Owwww. Nikolas, let go, you’re hurting me!” She struggled in his arms, avoiding his eyes.
“I don't give a DAMN about a normal life Kathrine!” He shook her in his arms, trying to get her to understand. Her struggling stopped and her body relaxed into his arms. “Kathrine, I’d go crazy not to see you, I think of you every minute.”
“Nikolas, I’m sorry, it’s over.” Her relaxed body burst past his arms and ran to the door,
“Come back here!” He caught her arm and pushed her against one of the wooden walls of the stable, pressing his body into hers, holding her arms above her head with one hand, holding her waist with the other. She was struggling beneath his body now. “You don’t love me anymore, is that it? Hunh Kathrine? Just tire of me?”
“It doesn’t matter! It just doesn’t matter what I feel Nikolas!” Her voice ripped through her body, her throat, bounced off of the walls and windows, silencing what had seemed like white noise and static around them. She relaxed again, falling forward into his arms sobbing.
“Tell me you don’t love me Kathrine, just tell me.” His voice had dropped below a whisper, so soft that it brushed her ear and made her shudder.
“Will that help? Is that what I need to say to make you believe me? “ She looked up directly into his eyes and spoke to his soul “I don’t Nikolas, now let me go.” He was crying, she was serious about leaving him, not because she did not love him, this whole scene proved her love, she thought she was doing him something, something good.
“No, Kathrine No. A person does not just-” He stopped and took a breath “wake up and stop loving somebody. “ he sighed, “Kathrine, honestly, I don’t know where we’re going with, with us, but all I know is that right now there’s no where else I’d rather be except with you” She paused and she seemed effected by his words, then quickly dismissed them.And suddenly a gust of wind hit the barn and the door flew open inwards, striking Kathrine from behind and throwing her into the floor face first. “KATHRINE”

You wanted this
So sad to see
The sweet decay
Of ecstasy


And you want it all


A frozen sun
Will guide you there
As shadows hide
The deep despair


I’ll give you something more
And you’ll fade away
One last kiss before
You fade away


So sleep tonight
In idle dreams
The pain will drown
Your silent screams


And you want it all

I’ll give you more
And you’ll fade away
One last kiss before
You fade away
Lives you once adored
Will fade away
Lies you can’t ignore
You will repay
As you fade away


He ran to her, throwing himself down to his knees and bent down ”Kathrine?Kathrine speak to me!” He gently flipped her over onto her back and spoke again, softer, “Kathrine?” She did not respond. She lay there in her red dress, her chest rising ever so slightly up and down, her lips parted. “Kathrine?” He ran his fingers across her face and sweeping her hair away from her brow. His hand felt sticky and he raised it, there was blood all over it, he looked down, Kathrine’s brow was split open and bleeding. He scrambled for something clean to bind up the cut. The only clean thing was his handkerchief in his pocket. he was out here in the barn, alone, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and yet he still carried a handkerchief. He withdrew it from his pocket and pressed it down with his left, his right hand busy in holding her hand. He felt something on his left hand. It was her right hand holding onto his wrist. Her eyes fluttered open, he had never in fact seen her eyes like this, this shade, this emotion. “Nikolas?” Her voice was a feathery and faint whisper. “What happened? Something-” She tried to sit up and was immediately swept up into his arms up off of the ground “What?” he took her to a pile of hay in the corner where it was warm and bright from the light of the outside fog. The lights in the barn flickered on for a moment and then shut off again leaving them in blue light once more. Her arms tightened around his neck for a moment and then relaxed “Nikolas, I don’t understand why you’re doing this, I am capable of walking, I have to go” Her words rang out loud and formal and off and she stopped. He bent down and lay her down as softly as he could,
“How do you feel Kat? “ he raised the handkerchief “The bleeding stopped. That’s good”
“Yes, thank you”
“No problem.” He sat to the left of her, still holding her hand, flowing his thumb across her knuckles.
“So this is awkward”
“Kathrine, being with you isn-”
“Liar” She laughed, and automatically gripped his hand tightly and bit her lip. The cut obviously went deeper than thought. “You’re never comfortable with me, you said so your self”
“When?” he challenged
“The night I first offered you the job at Deceptions. We, “ Her voice changed to more of an amused tone “Made love? Had sex? Whatever you want to call it. And afterwards-”
“We had that fight”
“You remembered!” She smiled humorously up at him, using her charmed voice, as if the incident was an event to be cherished.
“I did feel odd at that time, and I still do now.”
“Really?” Her hand loosened it’s grip
“Yes, not because of me, I’m fine, you, Kat, you don’t know how to react, so you swing from one stage to another and I ju-”
“Sorry, sorry, ‘stage’?”
“Lovers, friends, physical, personal, one moment you’re happy and in my arms, the next you pick a fight with me in an attempt to get me to renounce and reject you.”
“Which you’ve done more than once before might I add.”
“I knew it Kathrine, I just didn’t want to force you to stay in something you didn’t believe in.”
“I didn’t believe in it? In us?’
“Stop it Kat.”
“Kat?”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“Perfect example right here, you, you and I just broke up and now, back to nicknames?”
“Sorry.” She stopped and started again “You realize that we have been having this entire conversation without looking at each other face to face?”
“Yes.”
“Why is that?”
“Because” he turned beside her and let go of her hand and leaned over her, is right arm streched across her and suspending him mere millimeters above her. “I’m too tempted to do this.” He bent his head down and brushed his lips over hers, quickly across from left to right and back to left, testing the waters. “Oh Nikolas” She sighed and brought her hands to his cheeks, and guided his head down to hers.

My body’s broken yours is bent
Carved your name into my arm, instead of stressed I lie here charmed ’
Cause there’s nothing else to do, every me and every you. ...
Another love I would abuse
No circumstances could excuse I
n the shape of things to come too much poison comes undone ‘
Cause there’s nothing else to do, every me and every you. ...
There’s never been so much at stake
I served my head up on a plate ...
Like the naked leads the blind
I know I’m selfish, I’m unkind ...
I always find someone to bruise and leave behind
All alone in space and time
There's nothing here but what is mine
Something borrowed something blue every me and every you
-Every Me and Every You- Placeibo


She slowly sat up, without removing her hands and her lips off of Nikolas. It was he who stopped and sat up, “How do I feel about you?”
“Nikolas?”
“Tell me Kat, what do you think are my feelings towards you?” she opened her mouth and shut it. Started to speak and stopped. Thought for a moment and then looked up into his shadowy eyes and shrugged. That’s all she did was shrug. He took her face in his hands,gentle as if she were a newborn and smiled, rubbing his thumbs down chin. he was so pathetically caught up in her. “Kathrine I love you, and the fact that you don’t know that is excruciating but even more so is that I don’t know about you. One minute I feel like we’re happy and together and have a future-”
“Future?”
“Yes a future. And the next, you don’t love me, treat me as if I were nothing to you, picking a fight with me, and the next you apologize and shut down, rebuff me. Kat, that scares me, a lot. How far you’ll go to keep us apart and how far I can follow.” He titled her face up and saw her lips move. Sound was void in the room but her lips had ask him what he wanted from her. “Kathrine, I don’t want anything that you don’t want to give me. But do you even have to ask? I want you to share my feelings for you.” She lowered her eyes and turned her head to the side. He took it as a bad sign until a tear landed on his hand and he realized:She was ashamed to be seen crying! “Kathrine” he was about to tell her not to cry, and then stopped.
“Nikolas,” she faced him now and advanced her story. “In the beginning, Nikolas, I thought I was a game to you, a challenge, a dare. I never ever expected you to feel anything more for me than friendship-”
“And lust” he added
“Lust?” she smiled, “And even if there was that remote chance that you developed any feelings for me, I knew I would never ever ever fall in love with you. Nikolas, before this, I didn’t even know weather or not I believed in love. Now, I’m in love with you. I could never leave you.” She smiled up at him and brought her hands to his, holding onto his wrists. He kissed her brow for what was the first of many times, an action which he would repeat over and over throughout the years. An action he would never tire of. She sank back down into the hay and pulled him down with her.


They say True Love Can Not Be Found Where It Does Not Exist Nor Can It Be Hidden Where It Truly Does


Back To Fanfic