The Way You Would Hold Me Every Night
Carter Colby
Summary: What happened after May 25th episode (Kat and Lucy scrapping at the table. Kat in that WICKED pink suit! )And why she was so out of it at the wedding May 26(And wasn’t Monica’s dress hideous?)(But then again, so was Carleys and Emily’s and well, Kathrine was just a wee bit too shiny and pale and green.)(But she still kicks ass!)
Rating:pg
Disclaimer: ABC TV owns all the characters that I use and hopefully, one day, I will work for ABC. The songs used are Zero by the smashing pumpkins and Baby don't you break my heart slow By Vonda Sheppard as well as a few lined form Anna Begins from the Counting Crows
Kathrine placed one beige leather sculpted heeled shoe(Do you know how hard it is to match shoes to pink?) in front of the other, careful of the elevator which always stopped two inches two short of the floor and automatically made her way to her room, turning right, then left, then left again, without looking up, she was too busy digging around in her beige clutch for her keys. She looked up. Too late. She slammed straight into her door. She stepped back and bit her lip, rolled her eyes and smiled and muttered "FINE, JUST FINE!"
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Nikolas leapt up from the corner of the bed where he was sitting, he could hear Kathrine saying something or speaking to someone. He crept up to the door and unlocked it and turned the handle and stepped behind it.
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The door opened and well, Kathrine was scared. She took a careful step in, peeking around into the room, "Hello?" she waited and no answer came, she took another step in, another ‘hello’ . She was in her room and left the door open without a thought stepped towards her desk, where in a glass vase was the most brilliant and exquisite bouquet she had seen. Long pale pink calla lilies, sleek and sophisticated and classically beautiful mixed in with lemon yellow Casablanca lilies, with their massive petals stretching and reaching out from the vase. Out of the corner of her eye, Kathrine saw movement. The door shut slowly and Kathrine felt arms wrap around her slender waist, cradling her to his body. Warm and strong and familiar arms. "Nikolas" she purred and smiled and looked up and brought her right arm to his shoulder. She curved her shoulders forward, only to have him surround more of her. The flutter of her stomach calmly reassuring her. "I’m guessing these flowers are from you?"
"ummhumm." she turned around in his arms and tilted her head to the right and smiled at him, a genuine smile, one without motives, or seduction behind it, one that was not trying to be alluring or mysterious or tempting at all. And then a patch of hair flopped down across one of her eyes. He brought a hand, carefully to her face and between two fingers held loosely onto the breath of hair and tucked it behind one ear. Kathrine looked down coyly and turned to the table and gripped onto the edge. She turned away, as if this was the first time he’d done it, brushed her hair back. It wasn’t, he’d done it a thousand times before. While she was sleeping, he’d bend over her and tuck her hair. While she was getting dressed to leave him. While he hugged her, or kissed her or sat across from her. "Thank you Nikolas" She leaned over and took in the aroma of the flowers and looked at him. "You’re welcome Kat" He swooped down (Or so it seemed to Kathrine) and with the lightest touch, ran his lips over hers. And she turned her head, his lips running off onto her cheek. He pulled back and looked at her, she was dazed almost, distracted, concentrating on a point just beyond the wall. "Kathrine? Are, what’s wrong?" She slipped by between the table with the flowers and Nikolas to the door, where she picked up her purse, which she dropped on the floor when Nikolas grabbed her. "Nothing’s wrong Nikolas. Why?" From where she was standing she tossed her purse onto her bed and then walked to the armoire and flung open the two doors and riffled through the drawers, pulling one thing out and then jamming it back in. She stopped and dug something out and slung it over her arm. She was tense, her shoulders which slope down so gracefully, were now stiff and raised, her back was formal and awkward. She started to hum a bit, just a little thing. It was something that she hadn’t done before, at least in front of him. She walked to towards the bathroom door murmuring the words "no connection to myself / I’m your mmmhhhmm, I’m your mhummmhh/ I'm the face in your dreams of glass"
"Kathrine?"
"Yes?" She stopped abruptly
"What did Lucy say?"
"What?" She turned around to face him
"Well, Lucy must have said something to upset you. She knows about ‘us’ doesn’t
she?"
"Yes Nikolas" Her voice grew cold and superior, like the queen addressing her peasants "as does half the town!"
"Is that why you’re upset? Because they know?" She heard his voice raise slightly, louder, slightly angry. "No, Nikolas, do you care that they know?"
"No"
"Good" Her voice dropped into a lower and throaty one, husky almost, a technique oft used by Kathrine when she was trying to get him to calm down or get him into bed. She set her clothes on her bed and slowly, as if she was anticipating every step, walked to him "Nikolas, nothing is wrong! I swear!" She stretched up and kissed him forcefully. Not in the way he was used to, the one of forceful need or wanting or love or anything! It was sheer and brute force that she exacted on him. She stopped suddenly and turned around, scooping her stuff of the bed. "Kathrine? What just went on here?"
"I’m sorry Nikolas, I didn’t know that I needed-You know what? Never mind!" Kathrine voice all of a sudden turned nasty, "Look, Nikolas, don’t give me that look ok?"
"What look was that?"
"You know, the look you give people when you shut them out" She quickly darted her eyes to the upper right corner of the room and in a fluid motion turned and raised her head at the same time. "What the hell was that Kathrine? Was that me servicing you?"
"Go to hell Nikolas!" She turned to leave, go the sitting area, anywhere but there. "No, I think I’d rather not Kathrine!" he grabbed her forearm, making her struggle as she tried to leave "No! Kathrine, you are not going anywhere! We are going to stay here and talk about this, about us until we come to a conclusion about this relationship!"
"LET. GO. OF. ME." Kathrine carefully growled her request. It was no use struggling, at least not at this point. "No, not until you agree to talk about this."
"You have an opinion on where this relationship is going Nikolas, what do you need me for? Now let go of me before I have to hurt you."
"You couldn’t hurt me!" she looked into his eyes and then, wordlessly and with a smile, clawed her nails into his inner wrist and twisted his arm. "Of course I can’t!" He released her arm and pushed him back detaching her nails from his flesh. "I don’t like being bullied Nikolas." She walked back to the bed and unzipped her dress and let it fall to the floor, "Nikolas, you wanted to talk, so talk-"
"Kathrine, I’m not going to sleep with you at the drop of your dress, and I’m not going to stay with you because you do so."
"Nikolas. This might be a hard concept to grasp but." She paused as she pulled on the white T-shirt off of the bed. "Not every woman will sleep with you! But I forgot, you were in the middle of dumping me. Carry on." She reached for her jeans and hopped into them, first one leg, than the other. "I was not going to dump you." He walked over to the desk with her flowers on them and held up a picture in a silver frame "do you remember this?" He asked, not bothering to look at her.
"Yes, it was about 3 years ago." The picture was the two of them in a red convertible, Kathrine car at the time, (Before she graduated up to the sleek silver jag she now drove) She had on her sunglasses a massive smile and a dark tan. Nikolas was, instead of looking at the camera, was smiling at her. "Under what circumstances Kathrine?"
"How should I know?"
"Kathrine?" She sat down defeated, on the edge of the bed and spoke in a detached voice so different from her Cold voice yet the both lacked passion, any sign of life in her. "It was your friend Rick, he took the picture. He was in town for a few days and you were supposed to give him a ride back. Your car broke down. Soon to be Step-Mom Kathrine to the rescue. You insisted I come along too and so I did. Rick wanted to get some picture developed, took this shot of us to finish off the role. And so goes our trip down memory lane."
"Does it bother you That much Kathrine?"
"What?"
"That people are talking about us?"
"No, not really, if I knew what ‘us’ meant."
"Us" He placed the picture down and laid down on his back on the bed, stretching from left to right. His feet left, and his head next to Kathrine sitting on the right side of her bed. Near the Bathroom. "You, me together."
"Oh, so we’re together now? Ok fine Nikolas, yes, the age thing is awkward. Even more so if I don’t know if it’s worth it! Nikolas, doesn’t it bother you. Your friends? What if it doesn’t work out, you’ll be forgiven, I’ll be made out to be Mrs. Robinson!"
"My friends don’t have any problem-"
"Don’t have problems?" Her voice rose "Yes, they do Nikolas, ‘training me?’-"
"You heard?"
"Yes, and from what I heard, you didn’t care. So what am I supposed to think Nikolas? At this point in my life, I want to think about settling down with someone. Marriage, children, I don’t know. I was able to push that part of me down for a while but now its back, stronger than ever! And we haven’t even discussed our feelings Nikolas!"
"No, you’re right Kathrine, we haven’t and whose fault is that?" He sat up from the bed. and started shouting
"Don’t go blaming me Nikolas!" She leapt up from the bed as if it burned her and spoke, her voice reaching his sound levels.
"Fine, I’ll do this, I’ll be the grown- up in this relationship Kathrine. I love you! Are you happy now? I, NIKOLAS CASSADINE, IS IN LOVE, MADLY AND DEEPLY WITH KATHRINE BELL!" He was standing on his knees on her bed, his arms spread out wide and open
"No, Nikolas, you are not. get down." She pulled him down back onto the bed. "You do not love me Nikolas. Don’t even joke about that." Her voice was no longer detached or cold or lacking passion or too full of passion or anything. It was just her voice. Asking him to look at her, long and hard.
It does not bother me to say this isn’t love
Because if you don’t want to talk about it the it isn’t love
-Counting Crows Anna Begins
The moment of silence was broken merciful. "So, what you’re saying Kathrine." he sat down cross-legged on her bed, facing the door. ‘What you are saying." He repeated, looking at her standing against the wall and then back into his hands "Is that maybe, just maybe I was seeing things in you that did not really exist. Not there. Just imagination?"
"Yes Nikolas. Definitely."
"But then why did you want to be with me Kathrine? Why did you kiss me like that? And make love to me like that?"
"Because you wanted me to."
"So, you were servicing me Kathrine?"
"No. I did it because I wanted to, and I could and so Nikolas, I did."
"So, you have no feelings towards me other than being a step up from a vibrator?"
"Nikolas. I have feelings for you. I just don’t know what they are. If I want to explore them, explore you, life with you. What I’m thinking is Nikolas, maybe we need to think about this ‘Us’ concept. Think about what it really means, why we’re doing it, what we’re doing."
"So you are politely dumping me Kathrine?"
"No Nikolas. What I’m asking for is time."
"We’ve had time Kathrine. Since Christmas."
It seems like I should say, "As long as this is love . . ."
but it’s not all that easy
-Counting Crows Anna Begins
"No Nikolas, we’ve slept together from Christmas to about April. We have not spoken. We’ve fought and we’ve argued and we’ve hurt each other far too much. This isn’t love."
"So, you want me Kathrine. But you don’t want me? Wow! You just cleared that one right up!"
"So now you know what I feel like inside Nikolas!" Her voice cracked as she remained in control. "Actually Kathrine, I do. Like your heart is on fire and every cell in your body is splitting in twos and threes and it’s killing you to be in the same room with me but you can’t touch me. But being away, that’s tough too. To wake up in the middle of the night and reach over and not find me there. I think I have an idea what you’re going through Kathrine. But of course, feeling like this isn’t love. Its need. And we can’t have Kathrine needing anything now can we? No, we can never let that happen."
"Nikolas please."
"Please what? I don’t know if you want me to hug you or hold you or kiss you or what! I used to be good at this. Sensing what you felt, thought, wanted." He rose from the bed. "I’m tired." He was defeated.
"Nikolas. I have. Tomorrow night, after the wedding. Will you meet me? Please? we need to be alone and think and talk and do something."
"Where and when?" He was still facing the door, suddenly aware that for the past 10, 15 minutes, he had not looked at Kathrine. She appeared before him and answered him. "Lovers Leap, tomorrow? Say 6 p.m.?" He nodded and was looking down. Kathrine’s hand rose and hovered in mid air for a moment. It’s movements without her consent fascinated her before it came down, touching down lightly on his skin, over his eyes, skin, curving her hand to cradle his cheek, running the back of her hand across it. His cheeks were wet. She loved the lines around his mouth. "I’m sorry to do this to you Nikolas." She lifted her body up towards him and gently kissed his forehead. Her lips warm to his cold skin. "Don’t flatter yourself Kathrine." He pushed her away gently and walked to the door an out of it. "Till we meet again tomorrow." And shut the door.
I liked the way you wanted me every night for so long baby
And I like the way you needed me every time things got rocky
I was believing in you
Was I mistaken do you say ‘Do you see what you mean’
I want our love to last forever
But I’d rather you be mean, than love and lie
I’d rather hear the truth and have to say good-bye
I’d rather take a blow, at least then I would know
But baby don’t you break my heart slow!
No!
I liked the way you would hold me every night for so long baby
I liked the way you’d say my name in the middle of the night while you were sleeping
I was believing in you
Was I mistaken do you mean ‘Do you mean what you say’
When you say our love could last forever
But I’d rather you be mean, than love and lie
I’d rather hear the truth and have to say good-bye
I’d rather take a blow, at least then I would know
But baby don’t you break my heart slow!
No!
You were goin’ around and lead me on forever
While I waited at home, still thinkin’ we’re together
I wanted our love to last forever
I was believing in you
I’d rather you be mean, than love and lie
I’d rather hear the truth and have to say good-bye
I’d rather take a blow, at least then I would know
But baby don’t you break my heart slow!
Don’t love and lie
I’d rather hear the truth and have to say good-bye
I’d rather take a blow, at least then I would know
But baby don’t you break my heart slow!
But baby don’t you break my heart slow!
But baby don’t you break my heart slow!
Nikolas went to an empty, silent car, and drove to his empty and dark house. And went to an unmade, empty and he wished, faintly perfumed bed. Till tomorrow.
-Fini