The Door Opened
A J/C Fan Fic By By C.
Disclaimer:Paramount owns all the characters and as for me, I am merely putting words in their mouths.
Rating: R No sex but a very heavy subject matter.
Summary: Janeway's dropping protocol with Chakotay for a chance at a relationship, but first she has something to show him about what went on in the void. This takes place after the season premire "Night".
*** Thanks to The Captain for proofing this one...it needed it! BIG TIME!***
"Chakotay." Deep breath. "Chakotay, I have something to say and I know I'm going to fumble it a bit, so please wait until I finish before reacting to anything I say. Please? Thank you. Chakotay, I love you. I'm certain of it, wait! Please? I know that your feelings might have changed, perhaps now you don't want to have a relationship with me, but I thought I should tell you. And, if you don't, I'm sorry to burden you with this." She took a calming breath. "In the void, I...I did a lot of thinking about life and about death, and us, and the crew, and what all of us have been through...what we've had to face. I know it wasn't, what I...I mean, there was this weight, pressing down right here," she said as she pressed her hand against her chest, on her heart. "And that weight all but disappeared when you came to give me the reports, as well as when you came to check up on me. Yes, I knew, when did you ever inform me that B'elanna caused another ensign to transfer? But before this talk goes any further, I think that there are some things I should tell you. I've loved you for so long, you must have known, but I wasn't sure that I could tell you. I'm not even sure I can now. New Earth...New Earth was wonderful, and once we got back, I was angry, not at being back, but at me because I never told you. The Borg as well, I must have been so...so horrid." She slowly pulled up the sleeves of her civies outfit, revealing the scars on her arms, the large red angry gashes running from her wrist to her inner elbow. "This...while some of us were perfecting out conchertos or our Bath'leth skills, some of us were busy with other things. I'm not sorry that I did, it was a part of me that needed to come out, and it did. I tried other ways of expressing it, and I couldn't come up with it. I did it so often that...well, the regenorater just lost its effect. It won't heal them, so now I'm left with these...and that didn't stop me. I just continued to do it, and do it, and do it again! I'm sorry to burden you with this, but--" She was cut short by the door bell ringing.
"Captain? It's me! Are you ready?" She chaised herself about her coldness as she drew her sleaves down ad took a calming breath. "Captain? Are you ready?"
"Open." The door opened to reveal Chakotay. "Chakotay, I need to talk with you for a moment, can you sit down?"
"Yes, sure, what is it, Captain?"
"I'd much rather Kathryn right now." His hands found hers and held them as he looked up from his lashes into her blue eyes that were already tearing. "Chakotay, I have something to say to you..."
-Fini