"Reporter's Inside Stories: An Interview With Miner Smurf"

Story by Vic George
Based on the Smurf concept of characters by Peyo
This Smurf's
          just mining his own business

Reporter: For today's installment of Inside Stories, we're going to be smurfing with a Smurf who is one of Tapper's good friends and part of the Barber Smurf Quartet, a Smurf who's no stranger to digging really deep. He is Miner Smurf, the village spelunker who surprisingly turns out to be Duncan McSmurf's young brother. Unlike his brother, he has no interest in smurfing on the tradition of the McSmurf clan and has even refused using McSmurf as part of his name. What is it about our fellow Smurf that has made him smurf his own route by avoiding his family roots? Let's smurf out as we go into the mines to smurf a talk with him.

(Reporter enters the mines near the Smurf Village as we hear a vaguely Scottish voice singing the lyrics of the Smurf song while a pick axe is striking the walls. He soon encounters Miner deep inside the mines.)

Miner: Hello there, Reporter. Something I can do for you while I'm busy?

Reporter: I'm just here for an interview, that's all. I can see that you're quite smurfing the mines all by your lonesome. It must be a tough job to smurf all the minerals we need for our village.

Miner: Yeah, that is very true. It's not like farming, where plants and trees can always smurf back every spring and such. What I smurf out of the mines leaves these passages behind, and I get the feeling that someday I'm going to smurf out of minerals in this area, so then I'll have to smurf for them somewhere else. Until then, I'll try to smurf out as much as I can, all the copper and tin and other metals that we smurf for our everyday use.

Reporter: And what do you smurf with the useless minerals, Miner, like gold and silver and diamonds and such?

Miner: I try to smurf that stuff away from the mines, because I know none of us would ever use it. Just a few times, though, like when Trader wanted to smurf up the coins for his money system in the Smurf Village, and I have smurfed him a big pile of worthless yellow smurf that he can smurf to his heart's content. And then there's the Smurfic Games Tournament, where Sculptor and Smithy smurfed up medals for the three teams in gold, silver, and bronze. And then there's the diamonds which Gargamel smurfed across that Clumsy smurfed into the village, thinking they'd be useful for Farmer's garden. Gargamel wanted those diamonds so badly that he tricked the Smurfs with promises of valuable trinkets in exchange for the diamonds, only to capture them in a sack and smurf them into the river.

Reporter: Fortunately Papa Smurf switched the contents of the two bags so that Gargamel ended up smurfing the diamonds down the river. (Laughs) I guess that should smurf him for being so greedy.

Miner: I have smurfed some other interesting things in the mines besides gold and jewels, Reporter. Like that Crown Of The Titan that Mother Nature said was smurfed by one of the two Titans of legend who fought the other with an identical crown. Greedy decided to smurf on the crown while he was watching over it and smurfed over the entire village as The Master Smurf, smurfing all the other Smurfs except for a few into a trance and requiring Papa Smurf to find the other crown so that he could smurf Greedy into having his crown removed from his head.

Reporter: Everybody liked having Greedy as king of the kitchen instead of king of the village, including Papa Smurf. And then there are those crystals that you, Hefty, and Handy found that became part of a new invention called Window Vision.

Miner: Smurfin' Begorra, I didn't think those crystals would really smurf anything useful, or that invention that was smurfed from the crystals. Every Smurf just sitting around a box all day watching shows that are broadsmurfed through the big crystal...it's just plain ridiculous! I think the Imaginarium is a much smurfy invention because you actually get to participate in whatever scenarios you can imagine, like you're right there in the story itself. Gargamel smurfed his way to the village through one of the smaller crystals and smurfed the big crystal with him when he captured us so he could power up his Smurf Smasher. It ended up making his invention smurf a little too well, because he couldn't get the machine to stop when his clothes got smurfed into it.

Reporter: (laughs) That was the end of that invention, or so we smurf. Anyway, Miner, you and Handy had smurfed across the casket of Lord Vladimir Smurfula, the vampire who smurfed after Smurfette around the time of the annual Smurfstock Festival.

Miner: One thing that I do regret smurfing out of the mines, Reporter. I tried to smurf some sense into Handy, because I had that feeling that the casket shouldn't be disturbed, but curiosity just smurfed the better of us, and Smurfette almost became a vampire because of our curiosity. Empath smurfed after her on the third night of Smurfstock and stopped the vampire for good, so that ended really smurfy.

Reporter: That Smurfstock Festival was also when the Barber Smurf Quartet smurfed its debut performance, and I have to say that you, Tapper, Barber, and Sweepy smurfed together quite well. Is there anything you might want to smurf about it, like what made you decide to be part of the quartet?

Miner: Oh, it was mostly Tapper's idea, that's all. He wanted to hear how I would sound with him, Barber, and Sweepy harmonizing together smurfing some old tunes from our Papa Smurfs' day, and we just smurfed our hearts out in practice and in public. Duncan thinks that I should be smurfing the old Smurfsman songs with him from my family clan, but I never really feel at home smurfing songs of the glorious McSmurfs.

Reporter: Which leads us to wondering why you reject even being called a McSmurf if you're born a part of that family clan, and what you think your brother Duncan thinks about it.

Miner: I know my brother means well, Reporter, that knowing where you smurfed from is very important. But for me personally, I just don't feel much like a McSmurf at heart, which is why I don't want to look or even be called one, much less by my real birth name Connor. I feel more drawn to being part of Tapper's clan because of their colorful language and history. I feel like I want to join Tapper on a journey to the Emerald Isles instead of the Highlands. I feel like my spirit is with the leprechauns like Michael who constantly visits us on the Day Of Clovers, which is also Tapper's birthday. I even try speaking like Tapper at times, but he politely tells me that I sound confused trying to copy his accent, so I should just speak in my normal tongue.

Reporter: Funny that at times I couldn't tell what accent you're speaking, Miner. I guess you feel somewhat jealous about being born in the wrong family, and your parents didn't like it.

Miner: My Papa Smurf is so insistent that I and Duncan should carry on all our family traditions, as did my Mama Smurf, that I just couldn't be free of being judged for not smurfing up to their expectations. I feel terrible to say it, but in a way I'm glad that we all lost our parents to the disease that made Empath's Papa Smurf our only Papa Smurf from then until now. I'm glad that Papa Smurf doesn't judge me for not being a McSmurf, but instead encourages me to be the Smurf that I want to be. I still love my Papa and Mama Smurf and I think about them every now and then, but I thank Mother Nature and Father Time for the freedom I have in just being Miner Smurf.

Reporter: So the times between when our parents died and when Empath first visited the village...they weren't so hard on you?

Miner: My Papa Smurf taught me so well with how to smurf for minerals in the mines that I felt ready to tackle it all on my own. Papa Smurf, however, felt that I should have other Smurfs helping me with the mining, and the part about leading other Smurfs in smurfing parts of my job weren't easy. I guess that time was a learning experience for us all in trying to adjust to grown-up life at an early age, that we were so young and yet we still managed to smurf through by learning to cooperate with each other and to trust and depend on each other with our own unique skills and strengths.

Reporter: So what were you thinking when you first met Empath during his first visit to the Smurf Village years ago?

Miner: Smurfin' Begorra, that the way he smurfed when he first smurfed on Smurf clothes, that he probably would have wanted to smurf and hide away in the mines, which is where I feel at home most of the time. I can never understand how a Smurf like him could be so embarrassed to be smurfed in just a hat and pants, like there's something wrong with that or how he looked. I tried not to judge him for it, though, that this is just one of those things he'll outsmurf in time. He was always more than welcome to help me smurf in the mines when he needed time away from the other Smurfs.

Reporter: But then over time you smurfed him less and less as he became more comfortable with himself and being around his fellow Smurfs. Do you miss having his company around?

Miner: I could say it gets pretty lonesome here when I don't smurf Empath around like I used to, but I knew that he couldn't stay hidden within the mines forever. He was just meant to be smurfing in the open with all the other Smurfs, and I could see him smurfing over for Papa Smurf someday when he joins the other parent Smurfs in the smurfy hereafter. He's a great artist, cook, singer, writer, speaker, linguist, and just about every kind of profession you can smurf, he's smurfed it all. He even does teaching with the Smurflings, whom I hope will grow and smurf their own places in the village like we all have.

Reporter: And he and Smurfette have been smurfing together for two years. It must make you wonder if you or anyone ever had a chance to smurf her heart.

Miner: Smurfette is such a precious jewel, that it's hard to see her give her heart to some other Smurf than me. But I see that Empath knows how to handle precious gems very well, or at least he can handle them. It's like nothing in this world can ever keep them apart, and if the world does try, Empath would go through smurf and high water just to be with her. Not that I would want anything to smurf between them at all, but one does wonder when they will ever get married, because the suspense is just killing us all.

Reporter: And what will you with yourself if they decide to get married?

Miner: I just hope to give Smurfette a big treasure chest of jewels that will make her happy for years to smurf. And I also hope that there may be perhaps another Smurf Village that has Smurfettes in it, because if there is, I hope that there will be a Smurfette that will make me happy as Smurfette is making Empath happy. I wonder if she's also interested in smurfing to the heart of the earth with me, because if she is, this would make my marriage life a real adventure. It makes me think of that gnome named Picklick who spent years smurfing for the Cavern Of Gems and found his true love with that female gnome named Guardiana, but not before he smurfed Hefty along for the ride, who was masquerading as Smurfette in order to protect her from Picklick.

Reporter: Who knows? You might find your true love in the same way as well, down in the ground.

Miner: (laughs) All I think I might find down in the ground are gnomes, trolls, and moles, and given that they don't see well, they may not be very particular about who they smurf with. I, on the other hand, still have my standards, and I think I would smurf my chances better in the daylight than I am smurfing true love in a cave.

Reporter: And with that, this edition of Inside Stories comes to a close. I'd like to thank you for smurfing the time to do it, Miner.

Miner: Come smurf me again sometime if you want to know more.

Click on this!