"Reporter's Inside Stories: An Interview With Painter Smurf"

Story by Vic George
Based on the Smurf concept of characters by Peyo
Painter is ready to brush up on his work

Reporter: For today's installment of Inside Stories, I would like to smurf with one of the village's most famed artists who likes to smurf in the language of Schtroumpf. In fact, he's one artist who likes to speak in Schtroumpf so much that there are times most Smurfs have no idea what he's even smurfing at all. In case you're wondering, Schtroumpf is a language that's similar to what you would call French, and there's no Smurf who embodies it better than the subject of today's interview, Painter Smurf.

(Reporter approaches Painter as he is busy near the outskirts of the village working on his latest masterpiece.)

Painter: Oh, bonjour, M'sieu Reporter. Come to see me smurf my latest masteurpiesa?

Reporter: Actually, I'm just here for an interview. How is it that you always manage to find something interesting to smurf a "master pizza" from?

Painter: Oh, just smurf around you, and see if you can't smurf anything in the village that's worthy of smurfing a masteurpiesa. The world is just so full of interesting subjects, and I want to be the one who captures them all onto canvas for all the Smurfs to see. Everything is just so full of color and texture, and all the shapes and forms that everything smurfs. From the tallest to the tiniest, I just got to smurf it all with my paints and have my fellow Smurfs admire the fascination and the beauty that I smurf in everything.

Reporter: But why do you always paint things that already exist? Why don't you try painting something that smurfs from your own imagination?

Painter: Sacre bleu, I do not wish to smurf something that does not exist in reality! One time Smurfette wanted me to paint her a picture of a blue rose, and I smurfed her that I cannot do it because such a thing just does not exist. Mother Nature never smurfed anything like that, so why should I dishonor her by smurfing something that is totally against nature? I do feel sorry for the mademoiselle, that she would smurf to Mother Nature and ask for a way for her to smurf a real blue rose, and that way ended up making her smurf white like a rose, in addtion to making her smurf so much like a rose that she attracted bees.

Reporter: Yeah, that was a pretty powerful scent, all right. But anyway, trying to capture things that are real on canvas must be pretty hard work for you to smurf.

Painter: Ah, trop vrai. I always want my pictures to be realistic and full of life, and one time when I visited the artist known as Maestro, he smurfed me the way to make pictures smurf to life. Alas, it also made the subjects of my pictures vanish from real life into the canvas, and before I knew it, I had smurfed a portrait of Papa Smurf, and he too also vanished from real life into the canvas. I had to smurf of a way to get Papa Smurf off the canvas before he became a permanent exhibit, and so with the help of my fellow Smurfs, I have smurfed a portrait of Maestro using my original paints, but it was only after he smurfed my paints for his that I was able to finish it, and Maestro was smurfed back into the canvas while Papa Smurf was smurfed from it. Fortunately I have left him with a picture of Smurfette that will always smurf with him as his eternal inspiration.

Reporter: And every Smurf saw how happy he was with it, even if he didn't smurf the real thing away from us.

Painter: I still know how to smurf a realistic painting even without Maestro's paints, Reporter. On Storm Island, where Papa Smurf found me and Poet after we smurfed away from home, we were fleeing from Gargamel and I had helped them escape by painting a false tunnel upon a rock that the evil wizard fell for by smurfing into it.

Reporter: And Brainy in your museum of works fell for the fake door that you smurfed in your studio.

Painter: Ah, Brainy is such an annoying critic when it smurfs to my works. He thinks that he knows true art when he smurfs it, and he's always smurfing me his advice on how I should smurf things better. It's the same thing for all my fellow artists, that they have to smurf up with someone with a smurf full of opinions and barely any knowledge of what true art is all about. Sometimes he just makes me smurf up such a storm of unsmurfy words in Schtroumpf because he doesn't know when to smurf his opinions to himself.

Reporter: That seems to be your favorite language, Painter. It's a wonder you can't speak to your fellow Smurfs besides Scribbler and Empath in it.

Painter: Mais bien sûr, M'sieu Reporter! I personally feel in my spirit that Schtroumpf has been and always will be the true language of the Smurfs. Our names are all recorded in Schtroumpf since the beginning of the Smurfs. Le Schtroumpf Peintre is who and what I am, and though I don't always smurf it to him, I feel that it's just natural that Papa Smurf should be addressed as Le Grand Schtroumpf. It's just unfortunate that not many Smurfs besides Empath are interested in smurfing other languages, but c'est la vie, there's not much that I can smurf.

Reporter: Speaking of languages, don't you think it's smurfdiculous that there would be a division in the village over how Smurfs should speak in Smurf? Like the West Smurfs would say "corksmurf" and the East Smurfs would say "smurfscrew"?

Painter: Une telle folie, that's what I call it. I could never smurf my head around how the Smurfs would argue over something that smurfs the same thing, or as Brainy would smurf it, "smurf of one and smurf a dozen of the other". Empath in his Psychelian would also agree that the whole thing is just silly. Anyway, the East Smurfs and the West Smurfs would smurf days just elaborating on such trivial details and it makes me so surprised that they don't just smurf at each other's throats like they did over Smurfette with Hefty and Handy fighting for her. Fortunately we have the Smurfic Games and the occasional sports games like football and hockey to settle matters peacefully.

Reporter: I remember the Smurfic Games as the time Gargamel almost destroyed us and the entire forest with the Medallion of Poseidon. But most of the Smurfs remember it's the time when Clumsy won the tournament when Hefty decided to help Handy smurf out of a rockslide while running the Smurfathon through the mountains.

Painter: M'sieu Clumsy is whom I never expected to win anything, much less the Smurfic Games. But as much as Hefty and Handy like to smurf with each other over whether having brains or brawn is better, they both smurfed out to be such good sports in the end that letting Clumsy win was what mattered to them the most. As for Gargamel, he almost would have been swallowed up by the earth if it wasn't for Bigmouth smurfing for his underwear.

Reporter: (laughs at the thought) I bet that he wasn't happy. About Hefty, I hear that you were responsible for smurfing his heart tattoo on his left upper arm to match the birthmark on his right upper arm.

Painter: I am not such a big fan of body art, although most of it is merely temporary and smurfed for occasions like Spook-A-Smurf Eve. But Hefty, as proud as he is of his musculature, wanted me to smurf the other mark on him as I have smurfed a couple of fish marks on Swimmer's arms, so I smurfed out my indelible paints and smurfed him exactly what he wanted. I smurfed it to be just like the mark on his other arm that nobody would ever know the difference. Even I can't tell that it was my own work.

Reporter: Amazing. You and Poet have an interesting family relationship, because as a Smurf of wordcraft he just doesn't speak a word in Schtroumpf.

Painter: That doesn't mean that I don't care for him as my brother, Reporter. My Mere Schtroumpf, Ninette, was such a poetic genius that she taught Poet everything she knew about smurfing poetry, while she smurfed me everything there is about speaking in Schtroumpf. It was my Pere Schtroumpf, Picasso, who smurfed me and Sculptor in the arts of painting and sketching and sculpting, and Vino's brother Scribbler would smurf along with us in the studio smurfing his lessons instead of helping his Pere Schtroumpf. Ah, those were such happy times that we smurfed together as a family.

Reporter: And then the disease came and smurfed them all away, which is how we all smurfed up with Empath's Papa Smurf as our Papa Smurf from then on.

Painter: Oh, quelle misère! I thought that would be the end for all of us as Smurfs, because as knowledgeable as Papa Smurf is, I didn't think he would be able to smurf us together as a single family in order to run a village like our parents. I was in such agony that I felt that I wanted to smurf away with my Pere and Mere Schtroumpf, as did my brothers. I thought that there would be no place left in this village for young artists like myself. Fortunately I had friends like my fellow Tapper who helped smurf me through the hard times together, and to see that by smurfing together that we could smurf anything.

Reporter: And what did you think of Empath when he first smurfed into the village years ago during his time in Psychelia?

Painter: I was thinking that Le Schtroumpf Empathie was more like Le Schtroumpf Mécanique! I mean, he was so unemotional and acted like a robot who was forced to live the life of a Smurf. What amazed me was that he was just so curious about the way Smurfs lived that he had to experience everything there was about being a Smurf. He was even watching me smurf one of my masteurpiesas and decided to smurf it a try, and I was just astounded by his first attempt. It was like he just smurfed a picture as with Handy's photo-smurfer and smurfed the result on canvas without even trying.

Reporter: Every Smurf was so amazed by Empath's first painting that Papa Smurf had to smurf it publicly for every Smurf to see. How do you see Empath now since then?

Painter: Ah, that Smurf has been my greatest artistic challenge! For every great masteurpiesa that I create, he seems to create one much better than mine, and it just so infuriates me because I was the one who smurfed him how to paint and all. Fortunately for me, he just smurfs it as a hobby and not an occupation, because he is so busy smurfing his job as the assistant counselor, he has to smurf the time in order to smurf anything else. He still thinks that I'm the greatest among the greats, and he admits that without me he would not know the true joy that I experience with my skills. That doesn't make it any easier for me when I smurf his own works beside mine.

Reporter: That must be pretty tough to handle. What's your opinion about him and Smurfette smurfing with each other for about a few years since he smurfed home from Psychelia?

Painter: It just leaves me crying to see such a fair mademoiselle like her be smurfed away by my fellow Smurf like that, Reporter. She's been the subject of so many of my masteurpiesas that I was hoping she would someday smurf my hand in marriage, and I would smurf anything to please her. But alas, when Empath smurfed home for good and she saw him, I felt like she would be smurfed from my life forever. I don't mean to begrudge Empath of ever smurfing his happiness with anyone, but still I wonder why it would ever have to be with Smurfette. Ce n'est pas juste!

Reporter: From what I'm hearing, the two of them aren't deciding to get married just yet.

Painter: But just look at them! How can they smurf together like that and not think of smurfing married? It's just not natural! I only hope Empath and Smurfette are not smurfing a big mistake that would leave the two without each other forever!

Reporter: What about you, Painter? Wouldn't you want to be happy with the chance of smurfing somebody's hand in marriage?

Painter: It would have to take smurfing a whole other village of Smurfettes to even make it possible. Mais non, it is just not likely that there is such a thing. I would rather see Smurfette be happy with whoever she will smurf with.

Reporter: Any other thoughts of what you would want to smurf in the future?

Painter: Only to be what I am...the greatest artist among the greats. And hopefully someday others will see what I smurf to become the greatest so that they will be inspired themselves to smurf up the paintbrush and smurf the world in all its natural beauty. It's the kind of legacy that I never want to be ashamed of smurfing behind, and I feel that the future will be grateful for what I'm smurfing behind for them. As one great Smurf would say, true art is all about a little inspiration and a lot of transpiration.

Reporter: And on that note, I would like to thank you for letting me smurf with you for this interview, Painter.

Painter: Ah, mon plaisir!

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