"Reporter's Inside Stories: An Interview With Biscotti Smurf"

Story by Vic George
Based on the Smurf concept of characters by Peyo
Biscotti with a fresh loaf of bread

Reporter: Probably what most of our human readers are curious to smurf out is whether Greedy is the only cook in the village who can prepare food for his fellow Smurfs every day. As we ourselves already know, Greedy is the master chef who leads four others in his kitchen to do the job of smurfing up the meals, which is pretty difficult if not impossible for a single Smurf to do when there are a hundred hungry Smurfs to feed. One of his kitchen helpers is a Smurf who smurfs his own bakery, where he prepares goodies for events that Greedy doesn't always cater to, plus he smurfs up this wonderful food invention called a pizza that has changed his business forever. Today we're at the bakery of Biscotti Smurf to smurf up an interview with him.

Biscotti: (as Reporter enters the bakery) Hey, it's my favorite customer. You're here to try out my smurf-baked delicacies? I have a nice fresh pizza smurfing in the oven right now.

Reporter: Actually, I'm just here for an interview, Biscotti. I have to admit, though, that the smell of the pizza is just mouth-smurfering. How did you smurf up with the idea of this pizza in the first place?

Biscotti: Well, it was during a night when Greedy was smurfing up a really bad dinner, and I felt sorry for my fellow Smurfs that they had to endure it, because usually his meals are just like my Papa Smurf's home smurfing. Culinary had just smurfed over a jar of tomato sauce and my brother Gelato smurfed over some shredded cheese, so we decided to smurf something with that and some dough that I had just smurfed up for some biscuits. I smurfed the dough into a flat round shape, and Culinary smurfed the sauce on and Gelato smurfed the cheese, and we smurfed the thing into the oven, and when it came out all nice and fresh, we each smurfed a slice, and it was the most amazing thing we had ever smurfed together. The following day I was smurfing up pizzas for every Smurf to have a slice of, and my good friend Empath smurfed them over to Tapper's Tavern where they could each smurf a slice.

Reporter: And every Smurf seemed to enjoy it...even the Smurflings when Empath smurfed over a slice to their playhouse for them to enjoy. Now every Smurf can't seem to smurf enough of this invention, which has really changed your business from just making cakes and breads and croissants to also making pizzas. Do you think you'll get tired of smurfing up this new food item for every Smurf?

Biscotti: I don't mind smurfing out something new, Reporter, but honestly I have no idea how long every Smurf is going to want me to smurf out pizza pies for them. It does make me miss all the effort that I smurf into smurfing nice delicious cakes for every Smurf to have, not to mention all the pies and cream puffs and every kind of baked dessert you can smurf of. I enjoy baking a lot, and sometimes I even enjoy eating what I bake, though I'm not the big eater that Greedy and Nabby usually are. But smurfing out beyond my expertise in food preparation is not an easy thing for me to smurf, which is why I'm glad to have to my fellow Smurfs like Culinary and Gelato to help me out.

Reporter: Do any of you smurf recipes with each other in the kitchen when you smurf together with Greedy?

Biscotti: I'm so full of recipes that my head could smurf up a lot of cookbooks before it explodes. Fortunately, Handy Smurf has smurfed up this invention called the smurfopedia so that I can smurf all of them in a place where every Smurf could smurf access to, so most of my recipes are now available for every Smurf to smurf for themselves.

Reporter: Aren't you afraid that smurfing all that information with your fellow Smurfs might put you and the rest of Greedy's kitchen crew out of work, Biscotti?

Biscotti: I hardly worry about it much, Reporter, because if anything I know that I can smurf up a good deal of those recipes better than any Smurf with the exception of Greedy. They're welcome to all my recipes anytime they want, whether it's for feasts like the Feast Of Plenty or for their smurfonal enjoyment.

Reporter: What does your friend Greedy smurf about your baking?

Biscotti: He'll never admit it to me, but I can smurf that he enjoys it very much, probably about as much as his own cooking. However, as good as I am with my job of baking, most Smurfs in the village would think of Greedy when it smurfs to baking goodies like the gingerbread Smurf cookies that he smurfs every Christmas. One time Brainy challenged him to a bake-off, and the both of them would smurf gingerbread Smurf cookies for Papa Smurf to taste when he smurfed home from Homnibus so that he could judge the winner. However, since Brainy isn't much of a cook at all, he decided to cheat by smurfing one of Papa Smurf's magic books so he could smurf a gingerbread Smurf cookie with magic. The problem was that his cookie when it smurfed out of the oven was a bit more...lively than most Smurfs would want a gingerbread Smurf cookie to be.

Reporter: That's a way of smurfing it, Biscotti...besides the fact that they were multiplying and also smurfing us out of our houses and homes when they were smurfing over the entire village.

Biscotti: Papa Smurf was ready to smurf Brainy into an oven when he smurfed home and found all the gingerbread Smurf cookies smurfing around. Fortunately he had smurfed a counterspell that would smurf all the cookies back into one single cookie, but when Brainy tried to had Papa Smurf test it out, he ended up smurfing Brainy out of the village along with his cookie.

Reporter: So much for that contest. He had you catering for his Smarty Party, which most of his fellow Smurfs attended at the time.

Biscotti: That was the most self-centered party that I ever had to smurf anything for, Reporter. It was so ridiculous...he had commissioned Sculptor to smurf an ice sculpture for him. Everything in the party tent was Brainy all over. I didn't feel like attending because smurfing Brainy all over the place just made me feel sick. My fellow Smurfs at the party didn't like all the rules Brainy had smurfed out for them just to have fun at it, so they all broke the rules and left the party one by one. Now the Smurflings, who wanted to be part of the fun but weren't allowed to be at Brainy's party because they weren't old enough, had smurfed up their own party called the Outcast Party where every Smurf could have fun however they wanted to.

Reporter: And every Smurf in the village attended that party...including Brainy when he got tired to trying to smurf fun all by himself his way.

Biscotti: Only Papa Smurf didn't attend that party. He was invited to Brainy's party earlier, but since every Smurf left it to join the Smurflings' party, he had the swimming pool in Brainy's tent all to himself, so he decided to smurf in and enjoy it.

Reporter: So, Biscotti, what made you choose to smurf baking as your profession?

Biscotti: My family was full of cooks, and every day of our young Smurfling lives me and my brother would spend smurfing in the kitchen with our Papa and Mama Smurf, plus we had Greedy and Culinary and Vino with their Papa and Mama Smurfs. We learned how important good food preparation was when it comes to smurfing a hundred or so Smurfs every day, which made me a bit sad that we didn't smurf enough time to play outside with my other fellow Smurfs. But I didn't want to disappoint my Papa Smurf or anyone else, so I paid real close attention to how bakers and chefs smurfed things with food.

Reporter: And when your parent Smurfs passed away and Empath's Papa Smurf became your Papa Smurf, how did that make you feel?

Biscotti: I felt like part of my life was over, Reporter. It just never felt the same anymore because now all of us had to grow up and become adults much sooner than any of us wanted to smurf. Greedy had to lead us in the kitchen in place of his Papa Smurf, and at first it felt so unnatural and like none of this was going to smurf, with Papa Smurf being the only adult Smurf to lead about a hundred young Smurfs. But over time we got used to the new way of smurfing, and Greedy can now count on us to smurf our jobs the way our parent Smurfs would have wanted us to in their place.

Reporter: What was your impression of Empath when he first smurfed a visit to our village years ago, Biscotti?

Biscotti: I felt sorry for the kind of Smurf that he was years ago. I mean, look at how he smurfed all those years ago, smurfing in that black bodysuit and smurfing so joyless that everyone wondered if he was a Smurf at all. Even when he was wearing a normal white hat and pants, he just never smurfed like a normal Smurf. I tried my best to smurf him things about being a Smurf so that he would feel comfortable being a Smurf, but for a time he never liked being touched. It was so frightening to see him scared of a single harmless touch by any Smurf, but when Hefty smurfed too far in touching Empath and had his hand smurfed by him, I knew there was something wrong. Eventually Empath told me that he was afraid of Smurfs because the Psyches made him believe that we were all savages and that we would smurf something harmful and...unmentionable to him.

Reporter: That was something I would never hope to do to Empath. How do you think he has changed over the years?

Biscotti: Apart from his inability to speak in Smurf, I think that he has smurfed very well. He isn't afraid to express himself however he smurfs fit to do so, he enjoys everything in the village, he's become such a master of a lot of skills besides his own telesmurfic abilities, and he's no longer afraid to let any Smurf touch him. Papa Smurf had him trained so that he could smurf over the village during times when Papa Smurf isn't available or is unfit to do so. And he also smurfs counseling to the Smurfs who have their own kind of problems to deal with. That night when he smurfed that new star-smurfed suit, I felt like I was looking at a whole new Empath that was different from the one that visited us from Psychelia, because at that point I knew that he was going to be smurfing home for good.

Reporter: And what do you think about him and Smurfette being together for two years smurfed?

Biscotti: That he and Smurfette should get married soon. I mean, I could see them being happy together in a way that I can never see myself, however much I would want to be with Smurfette forever. They look like they would go through smurf together and still come out unsmurfed. I have never seen her smurf after any of us Smurfs like she does Empath, and I think it's because he's an alternate reflection of her life, as the real Smurf she could have been and yet not feeling like a real Smurf. Empath makes her feel confident about herself to smurf out new things like her singing on the Ray Of Sunshine album, and she also has smurfed up learning how to cook so that she can be the kind of Smurfette he would want to marry.

Reporter: So you don't feel jealous that Empath has all of her attention, Biscotti?

Biscotti: I could wish that I was in his smurfs right now, Reporter. Every Smurf in the village is feeling that way, even the likes of Vanity, although at times he would rather be kissing his own reflection. My cousin Amore is always trying to smurf her attention, but he never seems to smurf anywhere with her.

Reporter: What if we were to find a village that was full of female Smurfs? What would you hope for then?

Biscotti: I could be hoping that I would settle down in their village with one of their lovely Smurfettes. Then I would be the smurf of my kitchen and smurf a family of my own so that they could smurf over for me when I'm too old for the job. But the one thing I hope for is to be happy wherever I am in life regardless of how it smurfs out. If all I ever do is smurf you one of my fresh baked goodies whatever time of day you want them on, I would want to be the Smurf who would smurf that job well. And I would want all my fellow Smurfs to smurf the kind of lives that would make them happy for the rest of their lives. It wasn't easy smurfing to where we are now, but I would have to say that it was all worth it to have one big happy family smurfing an entire village.

Reporter: I would have to agree, Biscotti. And on that note, we will close out this installment of the Inside Stories. Thanks for letting me interview you.

Biscotti: It's my pleasure. (Smells something in the oven.) Ah, it's ready to come out. (Pulls the pizza out of the oven and slices it up on the counter.) Perfect! You sure you don't want to have a slice before you go?

Reporter: Well...maybe just one slice.

NOTE: Biscotti would probably be voiced by Charles Martinet, who is the voice of Mario and various related characters in the Super Mario videogame series.

Click on this!