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Your Questions Ansered here...by Berneice

What can you ask Berneice

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Hey Bernice, Why is stephanie L. so quiet?? its like she is always all relaxed.... weird..... ---Freezin in Floria

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Dear Freezin in Florida,

I am really sorry, I do not know why she is quiet, I just work for her. ---Berneice

Hey Bernice, How come it's okay for guys to fart but not girls? ---Smelly in Sandiago

Dear Smelly in Sandiago,

Its not okay for guys to fart! Duh! Girls and guys should follow the same rules only fart in private areas where no one else is around. No one wants to smell your funky body air! ---Berneice

Berneice, Well, Berneice, you still haven't answered my last question. Bingo the Angry Gnome would have answered it by now. But I'm gonna go ahead and ask a new question anyway. I'm convinced that my roommate is an alien. He just acts so...strange. He even talks in his sleep and says very bizarre, nonsensical things, such as: "Oh, no! That's awful! Where are his goggles? We have to get him out of there!" Or sometimes he says things more along the lines of: "Estrogen stinks!" Occasionally he says dirty words that I don't want to repeat. And every now and then he justs mumbles and rambles on and on in unintelligible gibberish. I believe that this is how he communicates with the mother ship, through telepathic signals in his sleep. I'm afraid that if I don't do something about this soon, I'm going to wake up one morning millions of miles away from Earth, aboard some giant spaceship, with little green men (or orange, or red, or blue; I'm not alienist) all around me, doing evi! l experimentations on me. What should I do? ---Angry in Alaska

Dear Angry in Alaska,

You are sure paranoid!!! 83% of Americans talk in their sleep, some more than others. I wouldn't worry too much. But then of course maybe they are all part of the alien spaceship. Maybe the aliens have already taken over in human form. Maybe I am an alien. Watch out and dont be nieve. ---Berneice

Berneice, Why did you outright copy the amazingly cool advice column "Ask Bingo the Angry Gnome" on Josh Anderson's webpage? How unoriginal is that? And you didn't even bother to give a link to Bingo's page! It was your inspiration! (Then again, I guess it wouldn't be fair for you to give a link to Bingo's page, and Bingo not give a link to yours. But if you wanna arrange some kind of deal...) ---Angry in Alaska

Dear Angry in Alaska,

I don't know anything about Bingo or any Gnome or a Josh who has a web page. Sorry. Maybe you just talk to Stephanie. ---Berneice

Berneice, I would like to know why boys are dumb? ---Dumbfounded in Dallas

Dear Dumbfounded in Dallas,

Ha the time old question I get asked everyday of every year. Well let me tell you. Boys have this hormone that doctors won't release information on and its called the "saneous plabico" This hormone causes them not to think. And this hormone appears rapidly when guys are around the opposite sex. Now don't fret because the hormone occurs less when he feels comfortable around you or [her] so give him time and get to know the guy and he just won't be as dumb. ---Berneice

Berneice, Okay, I don't normally like to ask romantic advice, but since that seems to be the only topic you have any knowledge on, here goes. I have this girlfriend, and I love her so much. She's the must beautiful girl you've ever seen. The only problem is that she likes to bite. I have bite marks all over my body, well, not all over my body, but you get the picture. Bite marks on my face, my neck, my arms, and my feet(don't ask) Do you think my love can overlook this one little fault, or should I dump her and date someone a little less...you know. Please help me, OUCH!!!! QUIT THAT!!!! <--Hurting in Holland

Dear Hurting in Holland,

Ouch sounds like you have a big problem on your hands. I would tell her how you feel about biting, maybe a little nibble here and there but biting can severely injure someone! You must talk to her about this immediatly!!!! Otherwise you may be in the hospital one day! Don't give up your one true love unless she is a vampire! ---Berneice

Berneice, What type of question should I ask? ---Helpless in Harlom

Dear Helpless in Harlom,

Darlin' you can ask anything you want!Don't be skerd! ---Berneice

Heya Berneice, Do you really think that aliens will visit earth and take all the onion rings because they're just that good? ---Psycho in Pennsilvania

Dear Psycho in Pennsilvania,

It is very possible that aliens could come and take all of Earths onion rings. Don't underestimate the aliens and their love for onion rings!!! Its all the rage in space. If I were you I would try and get all the onion rings ---Berneice

Berneice, Why is it called breast feeding if you are not feeding a breast?? ---Original in Oakland

Dear Original in Oakland,

Girl!!! I will tell ya why they call it breast feeding. Its because when the bayba sucks on the nipple its salivia actually gets in the nipple and makes its way through the tubes back to your milk sack and helps to replinish the milk. So actually it is feeding the breast. Its like one big cycle kinda like evaperation. You understand dearie? ---Berneice