“Hey, you okay Britney?”  He inquired with concern.

were a good idea, as long as they were obeyed.  Walkers had been known to do their part, and still end up a statistic.  Young teens with possession of parents’ vehicle were out cruisin’ the street, looking for what they could find and that was whatever they saw, which meant loose items on the walks would be relocated by morning. Nothing was safe unless bolted down and even then one could never be sure.  Vandalism was increasing along with assaults and break-ins yet even though the city was a fair size, it wasn’t large enough to lose track of its good and bad.      Arrests were made continually and the news would shower the daily papers creating nervousness amongst the elderly and insecure.  Britney alarmed her home with the highest ranked security system available for residential. Not really owning much of value, she treasured what little she possessed and wasn’t taking chances.

Her long legs moved quickly as she moved along the sidewalk.  She wasn’t hurrying; this was just her pace and with only a half a block remaining, she studied the store signs and advertisements as she passed. With the holidays drawing near, the Christmas decorations and lighting was most appealing to the onlooker. Each establishment tried to be a bit more noticeable than its neighbour but would never know the outcome unless they walked this walk and saw what she saw.  Making a right onto McCracken Street to number 54, she carried on up the front walkway to her white brick double storey home.  Locating her keys in the front pocket of her purse, she unlocked the front door and once out of the battle-zone, she regained somewhat of a secure feeling.

Russell never barked with the turning of the key.  The young Doberman merely sat in wait on the opposite side of the door and knew what was expected of him when it opened.  In this particular instance, it would be to greet his best friend when she entered.

The living room smelled of Potpourri and scented candles and she welcomed its warm feeling of home.  Removing her coat and laying it across the sofa, she dropped her purse along side it as she always had.  Reaching down, she retrieved her cigarettes and lighter from within and carried them with her as she walked. 

“Com’on’ big guy” she chuckled, tickling Russell’s long pointed nose, “it’s bed time!”

Britney lived alone with Russell in this oversized three-bedroom house which she’d purchased two-years ago.  There was definite fashion in the décor but comfort ruled as only she had planned it.  It was unquestionably too large for only she and Russell but remaining private meant she needed room to move and that was most assured.  At the bar, she poured herself a Baileys on the rocks, and lit a cigarette.  The peacefulness was almost scary and she sometimes longed for company that could return a comment, pass a thought or even show an expression of some nature.  Living alone was pleasing but it also had its downfalls. ‘It would have been nice,’ she thought, ‘to offer a drink to someone or share a movie on the television.’  

The sunken living room, fully furnished in creamy satin white with wall hangings pointing to childhood subjects, gave the impression that Britney loved children.  Throw pillows with a variety of patterns, colours and sizes, added cushion to the surroundings.  The living room with its well built stone and brick fireplace in the room’s centre could be accessed by either the living room or the dining area and still left the open concept effect that added a feeling of openness yet security.  With logs placed neatly on the fire shelf, Britney lit the kindling beneath them and sat cross-legged on the Oriental rug in front until the flame caught hold.  The fire added a touch of warmth to her inner chilled feelings enabling her now, to calm down and possibly relax.  It was this gorgeous home that was her haven for thoughts, plans, and memories.

Reaching up, she removed the one that told it all.  The picture that gave her life, strength, purpose and the reason for her persistence and demeanour was now placed within her hands.

The photo, not taken so long ago, depicted a mother-daughter devotion that was invincible.  In the photograph, the two of them, Britney and her mother Laura, posed to see each other with love and intensity in their eyes that told their truth.  There wasn’t simply a bond between the two, but also an unspoken pact that both understood.  They respected each other unconditionally. 

Alone now, staring hard at her mother’s face, the pain made it’s way to Britney’s and the tears arrived.  Deep inside, she felt the emptiness of being alone and anticipated the day she could be herself again without falling into a state of depression at the thought of her loss.

Her drink disappeared quickly and upon refilling her glass; she knew she was feeling no pain.  In the master bathroom, she leaned over the Jacuzzi, set the water temperature, and began to disrobe. Removing her boots, jeans, and t-shirt, she grabbed her long hair from behind with her right hand, twisted it into a pile on top of her head, and bound it.  Beautiful, slender Britney was a tall six-foot with the bluest of eyes.  Her twenty three year old body was perfect in every way and a sure catch for any fellow, if only she were interested but that wouldn’t be for some time.  She had a mission now and nothing could stand in her way until she was completely satisfied.

The sting of the hot water felt good and she welcomed its warm sensation.  Lying still and quiet, she let the jets do their duty in hope they would relax her and take away the stress and frustration she was experiencing.

Russell lay close by the bathroom entrance, eyes sometimes hoping for a connection with hers, but they always seemed to miss one another.  Britney looked over at him and thought of her Uncle John.  Russell was a present from her uncle shortly after losing her mother. 

“He’ll be company for you.”  He’d said with his kind understanding voice.

If he’d only known, how right he was.  Russell was all she had now and they were a team that would take care of each other.  He lay his head down now and with a huge sigh, closed his eyes knowing she was safe with him, and he could now nap.

Placing her drink beside the tub before entering made for easy access and it was disappearing with ease and was

necessary.  Most people could find closure to a death but when it falls on your birthday, it was somewhat like an omen that promises that you will never forget. Her birthday would never be the special day it once was. It was more of an eerie feeling that hounded and tormented her every thought and memory but was never mentioned or discussed with anyone. 

She wasn’t a complainer and knew that this burden was her own until she could find peace her own way.  For the last few months, she knew it and since that time, she prepped herself for the day she was ready to begin her journey for the truth. 

It was quiet moments like these; that allowed the thoughts, feelings, and memories to flow.  Difficult to remember how she managed to be where she was, what she would miss, and where she was headed, she knew it was most important to have a plan, especially at her tender age. 

At this particular moment, her thoughts moved to two years ago, where she tried to collect all the pieces that brought her here.  This would not be a first time for her.  It was a series of recollections that were gone over, time and time again, forcing her to enlighten her memory with yet another piece of her past.  Ideas and thoughts kept running through her head.  Attempts at changing her plans only proved a waste of energy and she knew what her arrangement entailed.  It was useless trying to make sense of the whole thing.  It required more attention on her end and knew she would be stonewalled the minute she asked questions, so she played naïve when in public, on the phone, or in a situation requiring answers and so no one would ever suspect.

She hated falling back to the time period that scarred her so badly, but it was crucial that she wouldn’t and didn’t disregard any information or details in her possession now.  Once she was on her way, there would be no way to check on missing dates, events, identities or any other related facts.  She would be on her own and without the help of anyone. Realizing then, the seriousness of what was in store, it needed be gone over persistently till it was like yesterday. 

Lying back in the tub, she picked up the pink sponge and slowly applied the suds to her white skin.  Moving it down her arms ever so slightly.  Her hand was in motion but the stare in her eyes was definitely her way of reminiscing from the beginning.  Her movements of relaxation carried on without her knowledge as she remembered how it all began and hoped that maybe this time; it would all make some sense.