Billy's Adventures - Episode 1
Little Billy in the Park
by Fiona and Ramona
We wrote this story by taking turns and writing a sentence each. So it might not make much sense.
One day Little Billy was walking in the park. Billy liked the park, especially the ice cream man. The ice cream man was his idol, he wanted to be just like him when he grew up. But his other dream was to become a pro-wrestler because he really liked the Spandex. He had a whole wardrobe full of Spandex short shorts. These really old men kept looking at him funny but Billy just waved and smiled.
Well as Billy was walking in the park he came past an ice cream truck. Who the driver just happened to be a pro-wrestler. Billy was delighted, but he didn’t have enough money for lessons. So on that day he decided to busk. He walked to the playground and began to busk. He started by grabbing a little girl from the “audience” and wrestling with her. The little girl’s mother didn’t know what to do. She had just come back from an uncivilized city, where the people there didn’t wrestle one another, at least not until their teens. So she just sat there with a puzzled look on her face. She then smiled.
Well, Billy was wrestling this girl and the ice cream man/pro-wrestler saw him, Billy was losing to the liitle girl (come to think of it she didn’t look very girly). The ice cream man/pro-wrestler decided he only needed one student. So which was it? The little “girl”! Billy was devastaed, he decided never to wrestle again (he still kept the Spandex though). But now, he wanted to be a plastic surgeon because they play with knives all day. Billy liked knives.
So on the next Tuesday, Billy was walking through the park again when he met the little “girl”. He glared at her and she glared back. He looked her up and down. She was wearing a leotard and she was holding an ice cream (which contained steroids). The little girl accidently, on purpose, spilt her ice cream all over Billy's new spandex and hot pants outfit. Billy glared at her again. "Grrr...,"he said and suddenly he jumped on her and had another wrestling match and this time he actually won! The little girl was badly injured because Billy smashed the bin to her head. The ice cream man was amazed. Billy got a free ice cream and the ice cream man offered him free lessons. Billy was excited, so he kicked the girl in the nuts and hugged the ice cream man/pro-wrestler.
Many years later Billy was no longer little (he was medium!) and he had taken over the ice cream business and had become a CHAMPION PRO-WRESTLER. He went by the name of "Chicken Drumstick" because chickens were tough and ruthless according to Billy's autobiography Why the Chicken tasted so good. And Billy was all like, "Whoa!"
Billy's Adventures - Episode 2
The Start of a New Fad
by Fiona and Ramona
One day Billy was walking through a shopping centre and he came past a shoe shop. Billy stopped to admire the shoes. Billy liked high heels ever since he heard that Garbage song, Cherry Lips. He raised his eyebrows, drooled with excitement and began singing Cherry Lips, “with your hot pants and high heels…” He had hot pants! All Billy needed was some high heels and he would just look like that person in the song. Billy was very excited. He went in the shop and said to the nice lady at the counter, “Can I have some bright red glittery high heels?” The sales lady looked at him strangely and asked what size he would like. Billy was a very big size 20 (well he was a pro-wrestler). The lady looked for his size but she couldn’t find a size 20 pair of bright red glittery shoes. Billy was so disappointed, he almost cried. But he remembered he couldn’t cry since he was a CHAMPION PRO-WRESTLER!!! He decided to take his business elsewhere. Billy remembered his friend, the ice cream man, knew how to make shoes. He was very multi-skilled you know.
So on the next day Billy went to visit the ice cream man. The ice cream man made shoes that were quite exquisite. They were mainly made out of tissue boxes, sandwich foil and sequins. They all looked really really good, Billy didn’t know which ones to get. But there was one pair that instantly caught his eye. They were bright red and glittery, just like the ones he dreamt of. Well! Billy wasn’t going to wait any longer! He bought those red heels and got a free ice cream! A special offer from the ice cream man!
On the next day, Billy decided to show off his new attire. He wore it to his next wrestling match. All the other wrestlers stared at poor Billy, except for Colin, the second biggest wrestler after Billy. “Hey, that’s a really smashing outfit, Billy!” said Colin. At the next wrestling match, Colin showed up in his new attire. He too was also wearing hot pants and high heels. Billy was really proud of himself. He had just started a new fad! All the wrestlers were jealous of Billy and Colin’s new outfit. They were so jealous that they all went to see the ice cream man the very next day. They all bought themselves a pair of high heels and their sponsor’s supplied them with hot pants. The ice cream man became a very rich man.
But, like all fads, the high heels fad ended because it was affecting the performance of the wrestlers. But the hot pants stayed, the wrestlers really liked them. But Billy still wore his high heels during matches, it didn’t affect his performance at all, he was still the same old Billy. And Billy was all like, “Woah!”
Billy's Adventures - Episode 3
The Attack of the Young Chaps
by Fiona and Ramona
One day Billy was walking through the car park like a happy little bird. Billy had just won a match and had lots of money on him. He wanted to buy some ice cream and some new outfits. But when he walked out of the car park these strange young chaps were standing there waiting for him. "It's Billy!" they yelled, "You're the one who beat Lionel!" (Lionel was one of Billy's wrestling opponents). "You suck dude! You suck even more than N'Sync's new album!" One boy turned to look at the guy who said this, "Dude, you listen to N'Sync?!" "Nah dude! My little sister does!" he replied. "Let's get Billy!!!" yelled another young chap.
Well! Billy didn't know what to do. People usually liked him and wanted his autograph. Somehow he got the feeling that these people didn't want an autograph. But he decided to give them one anyway. The young chaps just glared even harder and threw tomatoes and booed. Billy was left lying on the ground covered in tomatoes. But Tubby Flub arrived!
Billy liked Tubby Flub (the fact that Billy liked pretty much everyone is irrelevant). Tubby Flub growled menacingly at the crowd. He began to chase the mead young chaps. The young chaps took one look at the enraged bear and fled for their lives. Tubby Flub ran after them. "Be careful Tubby Flub!" screamed Billy. Tubby Flub tried to race after the young chaps, but being obese and beer drinking he didn't get very far before he needed another beer. The young chaps had ran away (without being punished!). Tubby Flub was disgraced with himself so he flew away before Billy could say, "Thanks anyway!" Billy was upset that he didn't get to thank Tubby Flub but then the ice cream truck drove past. Billy got some ice cream and everything was alright in Billy's world again.
The next day, Billy saw those young chaps again. He growled. The young chaps hearing the menacing growl, didn't know what to do. They looked at each other nervously. Billy was ready to attack! He put himself into wrestling mode. Just at that moment Billy's friend Colin appeared! With George Dubya Bush! And all of other Billy's wrestling friends came too! Including Lloyd, Lance, Julian and even Lionel! They all put themself into wrestling mode. The young chaps took one look at all the PRO WRESTLING CHAMPIONS and fled. Billy was so happy he shouted "Let's go eat ice cream!!!" "And then come to my house to play with my new toys!" added George. "Yay!" they all shouted with glee. But all the wrestlers were in wrestling mode (you can't get out of wrestling mode without a fight). So they decided to wrestle each other while they waited for their ride (on a magical hovering pogo stick!) They did a knockout contest and of course, Billy won! Billy got to eat the biggest ice cream sundae as a reward for being such a champion wrestler (and because he always ate his vegetabbles and he always remembered to wash behind his ears). Just then a one legged kangaroo came hopping up on the pogostick! Their ride to George's house had arrived. So they all hopped in (pun intended) and went off to George's house. They arrived at George's house and to their suprise, those young chaps were waiting for them in George's frontyard. "How did you know where I live?!!!" George asked. The young chaps looked at George, "Dude, it's a national icon!" one of then exclaimed. George looked puzzled, "It is?" he asked, "That means everyone knows where I live!" The young chaps looked at each other, "Well yeah! You're the President man! You're like famous and in charge of important stuff, so everyone know where you live." George thought about this for a second, "Arghhh!!! I'm being stalked!" he yelled. He sat there silent and in shivers, "Well that explains those strange Japanese people walking through my house everyday!" Billy nodded wisely. Strange Japanese people kept walking through his house too. His house was an icon too!
Anyway these young chaps were readyto fight. One of them threw the first punch at George. Colin stepping in, grabbed a chair and whacked the young chap with it. The kangaroo (whom everyone had forgotton about) punched and kicked the rest of the young chaps, even saving Colin!!!! Then Billy jumped up and did a "Matrix" kick. The young chaps, terrified of Billy, got on their feet and ran for the nearest bus stop. Billy, happy he had averted another crisis (like his hero Maxwell Smart) went off to eat some more ice cream. And they all lived happily ever after, well until the next adventure.
Colin's Adventures - Episode 1
Colin's Dream
by Fiona and Ramona
You must read this first.
Or you won't get it DAMN IT!
Colin was a really cool guy. Colin helped little old ladies across the road and they always said, "Thank you, you kind man," and he would reply, "It was not problem because I'm a PRO-WRETSLER!!!" Colin was really proud of being a PRO-WRESTLER. He really liked taking the steroids. Colin hoped that he could one day take over a country and become a DICTATOR like his hero George W. Bush (or Dick Tater, whichever you prefer). He used "Hitler tactics" to gain support, like kissing babies and helping old ladies cross the road. (I saw it in a documentary. Documentaries NEVER LIE Brad!) Colin really liked George, he practised mispronouncing words and saying contradictory statements so he could be just like Dubya (George W. Bush)! People made fun of Colin for this but Colin didn't care. He just flexed his muscles and said, "I know you are, I said you are, so what am I?" Colin always won the argument. He had planned a victory speech for when he had won the "election". "Thanks for comin' y'all! I WIN!!!" Colin wasn't American but it just sounded better with a Texan accent. Colin had never visited Texas before but he was a good Texan anyway. In fact, Colin was a good Scottsman, like many Americans. He was also a good Russian and enjoyed putting steroids in his Vodka.
"Vodka! Yes! Communism! Yes! Stalin! Yes!" This was his cheer during wrestling matches. Everytime Colin had a match, all his supporters would wear red, (colour of Communism) start chanting and slamming shots of Vodka every time he got a point. This motivated Colin so much that he beat all his opponents (except for Billy because he was THE CHAMPION pro-wrestler!) Even though Billy supported military dictatorship, Colin really liked Billy because he made hot pants and high heels a really cool fad! Colin liked red hot pants because they were red! And they showed off his muscles.
One day Colin was walking down the street in his bright red hot pants. All of a sudden he got all excited and began hyperventilating because he saw George Dubya Bush across the road buying leg warmers and hot pants. Colin raced across the road as fast as he could but Dubya had already left. Colin looked around trying to find Dubya and then suddenly he spotted Air Force One (he stole it from Bill Clinton). Colin felt a tear come from his eye (but it wasn’t really a tear because he’s a PRO_WRESTLER! In fact it was more like chocolate milk). So Colin hopped onto his hovering pogo stick and began to chase Dubya. Dubya heard a boing sound, so he looked behind him and saw Colin’s pogo stick. “Cool!” Dubya squealed, *ahem* I mean, he remarked in his manly voice. “Can I have a go?” Dubya asked in his excited manly voice. “Sure!” Colin said in his excited manly voice. George got on the hovering pogo stick and took off down the street.
And soon they became play friends. They went over each other’s house every Friday afternoon to check out their new toys. One day George asked Colin if he would like to become a DICTATOR. Colin was excited! His dream were about to come true!
That night Colin couldn’t sleep, so he took some steroids and got really drunk on Vodka. He couldn’t wait until next Friday afternoon when Dubya will begin dictator training. He was tossing and turning and eventually fell asleep at 9 p.m.!
