Redneck PC Lingo 

Log on: Making the woodstove hotter. 

Log off: Don't add no more wood. 

Monitor: Keepin' an eye on that woodstove. 

Download: Gettin' the farwood off the truk. 

Mega Hertz: When yer not keerful gettin' that farwood downloaded. 

Floppy Disk: Whatcha git from tryin' to carry too much farwood. 

RAM: That thar thang whut splits the farwood. 

Hard Drive: Gettin' home in the winter tahm. 

Prompt: Whut the mail ain't in the winter tahm. 

Windows: Whut to shut when its cold outside. 

Screen: Whut to shut when its black fly season. 

Byte: Whut them dang flys do. 

Chip: Munchies for the TV. 

Micro Chip: Whuts left in the munchies bag. 

Infrared: Whur the left over munchies go...Fred eats 'em. 

Modem: Whatcha do to dem hay fields. 

Dot Matrix: Dan Matrix's wife 

Lap Top: Whur the kitty sleeps. 

Keyboard: Whur ya hang the dang keys. 

Software: Them dang plastic forks and knives. 

Mouse: That's whut eats the grain in the barn. 

Main Frame: That whut holds up the barn ruf. 

Port: Fancy flatlander wine. 

Enter: Yankee fer c'mon in y'all. 

Random Access Memory: When ya caint remember whut ya paid for yer new rifle when yore wife asks.