Good Ones'

  What's the definition of a teenager? Gods punishment for
  enjoying sex.
 
  Define Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be
  Mary!
 
  What's the difference between the Pope and your boss? The
  Pope only expects you to kiss his ring.
 
  My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it is
  gone.
 
  Never trust a stockbroker whos married to a travel agent.
 
  The only time the world beats a path to your door is if
  you're in the bathroom.
 
  She hates sex in the movies. Tried it once and the seat
  folded.
 
  It used to be that only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of
  course, there's shipping and handling, too.
 
  If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
 
  My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending
  machines.
 
  Why is a government worker like a shotgun with a broken
  firing pin? It won't work and you can't fire it.
 
  I'm so depressed... I went to the Doctor today and he refused
  to write me a prescription for Viagra. Said it would be like putting a
  new flagpole on a condemned building.
 
  A neighbor of mine was bitten by a stray rabid dog. I went
  to see how he was and found him writing furiously. I told him rabies
  could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a will. He said, "Will, what
  will? I'm making a list of people I'm gonna bite."