Vocalist with permanently blocked nose, tastelessly incessant guitar histrionics, a string of corny album titles… This can only mean one thing… White Lion. I'll say this in advance (and this will doubtless precipitate a veritable hailstorm of ugly emails from incensed White Lion fans)… all my comments on this page are based solely on what White Lion I have heard… just one album: Big Game. I couldn't take any more after that.

Were they even a hair metal band? Absolutely not. They weren't any kind of band. They were simply nauseating. But yes, they did have terrible (and massive) hair.

What did we do to deserve this? Good question without any easy answers I'm afraid. Here's what they did: Dodgy ex-Mabel vocalist Mike Tramp legged it to New York where he met with ugly ex-Dreamer guitarist Vito Bratta. A bassist and drummer were enlisted (their names are unimportant because White Lion would have three rhythm sections during their career, none of which involved themselves in any song writing), and a deal was signed with Elektra. Thankfully, the label came to their senses and dropped the band at the last minute, almost sparing the world from White Lion. As it was, RCA-Victor in Japan released the album, Fight to Survive and unfortunately it got good reviews, with some comparing Tramp to David Lee Roth and Bratta to Edward Van Halen (were they DEAF???). Atlantic took them on to a multi-album deal (worst decision they ever made). Pride, bizarrely, was a huge success, making number 11 at the height of its year-long intrusion on the Billboard chart, and making two US Top Ten hits in the process (presumably to sell those numbers the members of White Lion must have very large families). The band developed their own identity a bit more (bad move!) with that album as well as opening for Stryper, amongst others. The follow-up, Big Game, was deemed a disappointment (I'll say!) but it still cracked the US top 20. Mane Attraction was, mercifully, their last effort, supposedly better than Big Game (not hard). White Lion finished up (eventually) and no less than two (!) Best Of White Lion type releases have emerged. Presumably they are both very short albums. Mike Tramp did a "remembering White Lion" type album of re-makes, but in 2000 the fabulous news came that White Lion would never do a reunion. And the whole congregation said, "Amen!"

Any good then? You are joking aren't you? They have a singer that sounds like Bryan Adams -- with a severe head cold and constipation. Their guitarist is far too busy and really not that great. But worst of all is their complete inability to write songs. Anyone who knows anything about music will tell you that you have to make a song feel complete and to do this you have to end the passage with a cadence; it's like musical punctuation. Even those who know no musical theory will do it instinctively if they have a modicum of talent. White Lion songs are like an entire book without a piece of punctuation the whole time. The result is frustrating and unnerving but the rest of the songs aren't even that good anyway. Some will come to their aid, saying they do this deliberately and it makes them creative geniuses. I don't think so somehow, especially when everything else about them reeks so badly of cheese. OK, so Big Game was disappointing by everyone's book but what I've heard of Pride  was no better and I refuse to believe that any band can go from brilliance to crap in that time (although Mr. Big pretty much pulled it off with Hey Man).

Best album? "Best" is not a word you should ever use in connection with the Lion but their best was Pride. Allegedly.

So what sucked about them? What didn't? Well, I suppose "Living on the Edge" is OK in an unpunctuated-paragraph sort of way, although it could do with a lot more energy and gusto in its performance -- surprising. Not. White Lion should be a white metal band. Then even have "white" in their name. In addition to this, they have the do-gooding moral high-ground lyrics. AND the inherent lack of quality necessary to convincingly play white metal. White Lion? Shite Lion, more like!

Band rating: 27%

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