What is the hair hole? Sit back and lemme tell ya!

It's about HAIR METAL BANDS
What's that then? Well, around the early '80s, bands like Motley Crue burst onto the scene with their loud guitars, spandex, make-up, and BIG HAIR. Of course, there were soon a million knock-offs. The Crue, unlike their copyists, were actually good. The majority of hair metal bands were not… they had the make-up, they had the hair, but in the talent stakes they made Kurt Cobain look like Steve Vai.

I've got a sense of HUMOUR
That's mainly because I'm British. I'm not afraid to admit that hair metal is stupid, because it is. The bands look horrible, and their desperate attempts at macho posturing are made all the more laughable by the fact that virtually anyone's mum could beat them up. The lyrics are shallow and inane. THAT'S THE POINT. It's party music. It's not really serious or anything. The occasions where hair metal bands attempt to make a serious social point usually are crushingly ugly. You know those people who say "Backstreet Boys aren't a boy-band; they're a vocal harmony group"? Well, there are people like that with hair metal: "Def Leppard aren't a hair band; they're melodic hard rock." Yeah, WHATEVER! I'm not afraid to admit I like HAIR METAL! I'm not afraid to make fun of hair bands, because they are lame. But I'm not afraid to enjoy the music, because the good bands (and those are the only ones you'll be seeing featured on this site, except for maybe in a "worst hair metal band ever" feature) really had a knack for strong melodies and catchy hooks backed by vocal harmonies, but the screaming guitars and pounding drums give them an addictive amount of energy - an unbeatable combination. Don't bother emailing me to tell me hair metal is crap because I'll probably just agree with you.

It's about the MUSIC
There is precious little on the net about '80s metal in general (the time at which hair bands thrived), but what I have found has been written by women. No offence girls, but reading about how much you fancy the blokes in question really isn't particularly enjoyable reading. Being a guy, looking at blokes dressed dangerously close to drag is not particularly appealing. No! Looking at men in leotards and make-up is bad enough without reading some aging woman's lustful thoughts about them. The only thing I like about hair metal is the music. So that's what you'll read about here. For the same reason, you won't find too many photos at the Hair Hole.

I've got an OPINION and I'm not afraid to USE IT
Any professional journalist shies away from using the pronoun "I". It is unprofessional, lacking the necessary journalistic detachment and objectivity required for the task. I, however, am not professional. I am not objective. I am biased, bigoted, even arrogant, and this site is purely my opinion, and you can sit and cry and moan and throw a tantrum but I don't give a stuff! Disagree all you want, and see if I care.

What's all this JARGON?
Errr…sorry. Quite simple really… glam metal, hair metal, pop metal… all the same thing. Hair bands are hair metal bands. Shredders are the virtuoso heavy metal guitarists who play very fast.

One more thing…
About me… I'm young! I was born in 1985 (giving my birth year rather than my age saves me updating this part once a year!), so I'm too young to remember the 80s. So stuff you, all you people who say I'm on a nostalgia trip… I have nothing to remember! I'm not stuck in the past either, and I do like a lot of different styles. Oh, and yes, I am a musician. I am currently studying guitar at the Academy of Contemporary Music in Guildford, UK. For your information, my hair is quite long, but not big.

So, baby, strap yourself in, and get ready to rrrrraaaaaawwwwkkkk like you've never rocked before!!

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